Ilovecake Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I read this article today on my way to work. It very much applies to a situation I'm in with my ex. It made me feel much better to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. I thought I would post it here in case it might interest someone else. Way back in 1962, a man named Neil Sedaka wrote a song (guaranteed to get stuck in your head) called "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do." He had no idea. I recently ended (OK, so I was dumped) a relationship I was in for the better part of five years. While getting over it has been hard enough, the biggest problem I keep running into is how connected I am to her online. It's like you have to have two breakups: one in real life and another online. When we started dating, there was no Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Google Chat or any other fancy social networking stuff. These sites are great for keeping in touch with people and knowing how their online farming is going, but when you don't want to be in touch anymore it causes all sorts of problems. It's almost impossible not to know what someone is doing. After she blocked me on Facebook, I'd still see status updates about her and pictures of her in her friends' profiles and photo albums (which I have to admit, I found myself trying to seek out on more than one occasion). It seems as though everything from our lives together is documented online. All of the e-mails and messages we sent, the 51 pictures that we're still in on Facebook (not that I counted)--the entire relationship can be relived at the click of a button. And let me tell you, it's pretty easy to click a button. Nearly everything I do seems to remind me of her, but with the Internet, you get to see and hear about her having fun and moving on while you are creepily stalking her online, which is much worse. Just seeing status updates from someone I knew through her is depressing. On top of that, she started seeing someone else who I was Facebook friends with, so I unfriended him and his friends. The breakup has led me to unfriend about 30 people on Facebook, which is a lot for someone who generally friends only people I've met. And all while maintaining my emotionless online identity. (Emotions are so MySpace.) I've thought about dropping out of the online world, but social networking is so ingrained in my career it's basically impossible. When Neil Sedaka wrote that song, all he had to do was burn some love letters/telegrams/carrier pigeons and traces of her were pretty much gone. Now as soon as I think I have everything taken care of on one social networking site, something new like Buzz pops up and I have to go through erasing her from my digital world again. She'll probably even be the first non-creepy dude I see on Chatroulette. I'm sure there will come a day when I'll enjoy having the memories our relationship captured online. But right now I wish there were a Ctrl-Alt-Del for this. Scott Bolohan is a RedEye special contributor.
Tommy's Girl Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Wow. Back before I was married there was no social networking either. I can imagine the pain of seeing pics and a new status from an ex. I've often thought of the Internet as a blessing and a curse.
Author Ilovecake Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 It's weird. I've never had a breakup drag on this long and most of it is because of exposure to my ex through the net. He was the first person I dated since I got the internet so it's all very new to me. The fact that he has been using his computer to harass the living crap out of me is freaking me out because I don't know how to handle that. I use facebook to stay in touch with friends and family all over the world. My entire family lives in Europe and I'm in the US. It would really be a hindrance to get rid of my facebook but I'm seriously considering it. I despise talking on the phone so facebook has been a godsend. It’s nice to be able to say a quick hello to my sister who I haven’t seen in ages but it’s scary that my ex has figured out a way around the facebook block feature and posts stuff under my pictures.
hater13 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 My ex didn't even block me on facebook!! or msn!!! he's such a confused douche bag! But i did ask my friends to change my facebook password and not give it back to me until they felt I had recovered I think you should try this too!!!
D-Lish Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 You have to be pro-active and block them, not to mention stop looking. Stop believing you have no control over things.
SadKitty78 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 You have to be pro-active and block them, not to mention stop looking. Stop believing you have no control over things. i keep looking at his page, and he's NOT active at all, which is good, but it also means when someone posts or there's action, it's definitely going to be something major, and something that's going to bug me! i've looked about 30 times since our breakup almost 2 weeks ago! this is just so unhealthy...
SadKitty78 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechcons...ml?sc=fb&cc=fp In The Age of Social Media, Can You Escape Your Ex? 3:53 pm January 5, 2010 By Shereen Meraji It's a New Year and I am quite certain that many of you have said, "Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya'," to those significant others who weren't -- THE ONE. You're starting fresh; you're blogging about your future goals; you're tweeting your resolutions and updating your Facebook status with things like, "I will never, ever, ever settle!" Your FB friends and Twitter followers comment on your updates with things like, "you tell 'em, get yours, you're worth so much more, you can do better, best way of getting over the last one is getting under the next one!" And you read those posts and smile through the resentment. But, then, the loneliness starts creeping up on you, maybe you're bored. You start looking at the Facebook profiles of mutual friends, subconsciously looking for signs of life -- the ex's life. You stumble upon posts they've written, "so great to see you last night," they write on the wall of one of your friends. What does that mean? You're tempted to tweet horrible things about them because you know their friends follow your Twitter feed. But, you're a grown-up not a middle-school kid, right? Wrong. Breaking up in the age of social media addiction makes things much more complicated and it seems like the wounds take longer to heal. Pre-social media networking, you could ignore your ex-lover's e-mails and phone calls, you threw their toothbrush in the trash and threw their clothes out of your apartment window on a rainy day. If your friends bumped into your ex, they wouldn't dare tell you. Now, your friends are virtually bumping into your ex all over the internet and their interactions are right there on the FB news feed for all to see. Let's not get into the Facebook photos, Twitpics and Flickr! I've got a call in to etiquette expert, Miss Manners, relationship advice guru, Dan Savage and everyone's favorite shrink, Dr. Drew Pinsky for a radio story I'm working on about this on-line conundrum for All Things Considered. (Hopefully, they'll call back.) Until then, what's YOUR story and how did you keep from being a social media stalker? Did you block the ex from your g-chat list, de-friend them on Facebook, un-follow their Twitter feed? How about your Flickr account, did you delete all the photos of the two of you sucking face? And then there's the mutual friends and family members that are a part of your on-line social network -- what to do about them? Is it cool to ask your friends to un-friend the ex? Should you swear off social media sites -- completely -- until you've moved on?
hater13 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Trust me I know how you feel!! Within the first 2 weeks of our break up i checked my ex's fb everyday like 4 times a day and would read into everyoneone of his wallposts!! He's become a lot more active on fb then he ever was during our relationship. Trust me get your friends to change your pass for you!! It's just temporary!! goodluck with everything I haven't checked me ex's fb in 3 days I'm so proud of myself lol.
hater13 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Also my ex did not remove me from facebook or even stop contact with me... I had to go nc with him.
SadKitty78 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Trust me I know how you feel!! Within the first 2 weeks of our break up i checked my ex's fb everyday like 4 times a day and would read into everyoneone of his wallposts!! He's become a lot more active on fb then he ever was during our relationship. Trust me get your friends to change your pass for you!! It's just temporary!! goodluck with everything I haven't checked me ex's fb in 3 days I'm so proud of myself lol. Congrats! I keep checking ALL the time!!!! I need to stop though bc I just know one day he'll have a comment from a girl or a picture with someone and I'll be reading so much into it!!!! Must stay strong!!!
Recommended Posts