Madison310 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 My ex and I broke up in January. It was a highly charged and emotional breakup amid misunderstandings on both sides. My ex was so bitter about it he sent me quite a nasty and vicious email which he also copied to some of my friends. The email contained lots of intimate details about our life together (we had plans to marry) and he also bizarrely set up a romantic website as a 'tribute' to our relationship. Anyway a month after the email he called me and apologised. We got talking and we agreed to meet. We realised we still loved each other so we started to see each other again but without really defining our relationship as the circumstances we broke up over were still there. While we were seeing each other I specifically said I would not see him if he was seeing anyone else. I said this because when he got back in contact he told me that he had a new girlfriend but then he hastily told me he had made her up. He then went on holiday but before he went we agreed that we should stop seeing each other. But while he was out there he called me twice and when he got back he came round to see with flowers telling me how much he loved me. After a few days, he then broke the news that he had met a girl online who he had only met 2-3 times, she wasnt attractive and he had no romantic feelings for her. He said he would break it off with her but the next day he texted to say that in his desperation to move out of his flat (he was on bad terms with his landlord) he had moved some of his things into her place. He had planned to get his stuff out but because he had lost his job and had nowhere else to go, he didnt think he had any option but to stay there for now. He said she knows all about me. A week after that, he turns up at my flat unannounced and tells me again that he will try and end things with her and we agreed to meet later that evening. Instead he cancelled and he sent me an email saying that he had actually moved in with her as it made 'financial sense' after he got back from holiday and was also sleeping with her as we had agreed to end things but if I gave him some time to get his stuff out, he would be mine forever. His thinking was that as she is having visa issues, she might have to leave the country very soon and he would be free but in the meantime he would be able to live at hers rent free. He again said she knew he loved me but she still had strong feelings for him which I don't understand at all given the way he talks about her. He also reiterated that he loved me more than anything and asked me to forgive him for the lies and pain he has caused. I havent responded to him but I am starting to waver. My head is telling me that he is a liar and a cheat and that if still loved me he would never have slept with her in the first place. I appreciate that it was after we broke up but he was still seeing me and he should have told me about her. I'm also amazed that this woman still wants to be with him. Please can someone help me keep my resolve and not contact him!!
TLH Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Break all contact now. He is a liar. And I highly doubt that this woman knows about you. No woman, regardless of her state of mind, would ever allow a guy (who she has been intimately involved with) live with her knowing that he was seeing someone else. I think that you are being driven by emotions right now and can't think logically and clearly. So please take it from an outsiders point of view. He is a liar. You deserve better. Stop wasting your time on this loser and focus on yourself instead. Break all contact. Now. Delete his number and do not respond to his calls/texts/etc. Start the healing process and find someone who truly cares about you and deserves you. We are all here for you and are sending healing thoughts your way. Be strong.
CaliGuy Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 I'm with TLH. The answer to your question is NO. A resounding NO!
EthanH Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 To be honest, it sounds like a very complicated situation. The problem when you break-up is that you both move on at different paces. I think he loved you, but he realised he couldn't wait around for you, he missed you so much, and so he rebounded. But he lied to you and that is wrong. But then again, you were broken up, so it was his business. The fact you are saying you still wonder if you should get back with him tells me that his hook up with this girl doesn't bother you enough not to still want him. The problem is, if you get back, it will be so unbalanced. The fact you are asking on here to help you keep your resolve shows that you are wavering. I honestly wouldn't doubt his feelings for you. He had to move on. If anything, the way he acted showed he does really have feelings for you. He did it when he wanted to be with you, maybe it makes him weak that he needed some form of comfort, but then again, he did nothing wrong in my view to keep his options open. He obviously likes you but he thought you weren't going to get back with him, so why should he cast this other girl off... if he did that and you decided not to come back to him, he would be alone again... Speak to him face to face. You will know what he thinks. It will be clear to you the moment you meet him.
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