I did promise to keep you updated...

[BettyBoop]

Again thank you to all of you who did read and reply to my last thread about how my boyfriend was getting more distant after me being in another country for over 1 month. He became nicer to me at the end of the last week when my grandfather passed away and I was devastated with only 5 days until I would have returned home.

 

Anyway, I was not very happy at the end because it was true he was becoming more distant and I followed Erica's way of pulling him closer to me. I got no love in return but I tried giving a lot. I called him to say I loved him, I called him to ask how he was doing. As little webcam and text messaging as possible since he had told me how sick and tired he was of that way of communicating with me... I even managed to make a webcam video for him with picture AND sound since he had told me how there was no point in watching my videos where I just "waved my hand and smiled". So I really tried.

 

Back home things were alright between us but we ended up arguing after I made him birthday dinner and he told everyone on facebook how he was waiting to celebrate his b-day until thursday - not even mentioning his g/f already celebrated him. He did apologize for that later when I told him how upset I was but one day later we spoke and he said how he felt I keep starting arguments over nothing and how he feels that I "have become worse over the last couple of months".

 

Fast forward few days and I started to feel like I no longer knew who I was. Was I really this horrible person who kept starting arguments? I found some very unflattering texts between him and his best friend and felt even worse. So I confronted him and asked why the hell he is with me if I'm such a chore to be with? And that I feel like he brings out the worst in me...

 

He apologized for everything and things were fine until we ended up arguing again over another couple's issues and then it was back to how he feels it's my fault we have all these arguments. He's been telling me a lot how I "fish for compliments".

 

I told him I wanted to start over new and try creating better memories. He said I'd still be the same person.

 

So as it is now I've come to the conclusion that since he will not tell me nice things about me - I will tell them to me myself. Since he will not always appreciate the things I do for him - I will appreciate the things I do for him myself.

 

Like someone said to me in my other thread; I'm the only one who's really stuck with me my whole life. So I better appreciate myself if nobody else will. Otherwise I will end up unhappy and miserable and not knowing who or what I am anymore. So at the moment I guess you could say I am finding out who I really am by paying close attention to the things I think and do and say.

 

Honestly, I am making myself more happy that he has made me the last month. And it makes me happy that at least someone is making me happy again - me.

[BettyBoop]

I need to add that this was no bashing or anything of my boyfriend. He is a wonderful person and I am sure he is trying his best to be happy with me and to make me happy.

 

This is just my side of the story after all and I haven't mentioned every little single thing.

 

Just thought I'd say that before anyone starts thinking he is an *******. He really isn't. He's just making me feel like a bad person. But I doubt that is really his intent.

 

I am simply trying to find out if the picture he paints in front of me of the person I am is true to me or not. I just updated because I promised to do so. So please don't judge him based on my side of the story.

 

But any feedback on how to figure out who I am and what I can do to make myself feel better is always appreciated.

[EricaH329]

Oh geez!! I'm so sorry to hear that nothing seemed to work, and that he is making you feel terrible.

 

I would like to commend you on making yourself feel good though! It took me breaking up with my ex to fully understand how I should be treated. Unfortunately, I was the only one treating myself that way (with the exception of a couple close friends).

 

No one in your life should bring you down. No one should make you doubt yourself and your worth as a person. They should not degrade you, dismiss you, neglect you, betray you. When someone is doing this, I think that the relationship should be re-evaluated.

 

I'd like to ask you some questions, you don't have to answer them if you don't want to, but I think it might be a good thing for you to think about.

 

Why are you with him? I mean, honestly... why? Is it because he is a good person, but just happens to make you feel bad about yourself? (I'd like you to really think about this one, and because you love him isn't an answer that's liable to hold up.)

 

Do you think the things he is saying about you (everything is all your fault, etc.) is true? If so, have you begun working on problems that you might feel are an issue? If you don't believe this is the case, then why are you with someone that makes you feel this way about yourself when you don't believe them to be true?

 

While making yourself happy, do you feel the need to have him in your life?

 

I ask these questions, because I too asked myself these same questions before breaking up with my ex. The answers were not something I was expecting.

 

I always knew that I should be happy before being with another person. And I was. But being with him had made me become so much more unhappy than I was when I was alone, that it made zero sense to stay with him. Now, i'm happier than i've ever been, alone or with someone else.

 

I really don't want you to feel like i'm badgering you, or anything like that. I care for you, you seem like a really great woman and I don't like seeing someone treat you the way he is treating you. I also know, way too well, what it feels like. And it doesn't feel good at all.

[aerogurl87]

I agree with EricaH, when I was alone about a year ago, I was happily single with the most self esteem I'd ever had in my life. Then I got with my ex and my self esteem plummeted because I was being degraded, put down, and pushed aside all the time. Fast forward a year later and my self esteem has boosted again and I'm just as happy alone as I am with someone else. Of course I've learned also that whoever that someone else is has to treat me with respect and dignity or they will be out the door. Also those are some really good questions to ask yourself. I'd think about them carefully, especially the reason to why you're with your boyfriend still. As Erica said love isn't really a viable answer at this point because it takes more than love for a relationship to thrive, not just survive, but actually thrive.

[Deeblondie82]

I agree! Love yourself first and know that you made the effort to be sweet and caring about him and if he cant see that you need to tell him how you feel what you have done for him.. if he cant just listen to you then say bye bye and move on to someone who will care about you and what you do for him!