the end of a love affair

[Passion4Life]

ok so all I can see in your post is about feeling sorry about letting ur OM slip away & nothing about hurting ur husband & kids . Making mistake is acceptable , but I dont think you realize or feel sorry for treating your husband as a doormat .

 

why are you still with your husband when you know if the OM comes back you will dump ur husband omce again ?

 

I hope you will learn from this & become a better person .

 

Best of luck

 

I think the reason ur OM is not interested in you is that he is not sure he wants a wife who can dump her husband & faimly so easily for some other guy .

 

But I really hope u will learn from your mistakes , be a better prerson & have a happier life .

 

Best of luck

[bentnotbroken]

I suppose ur only human tho cause most ppl cheat

 

 

I believe there are a great number of people who cheat, but most is only your opinion. The stats are too contradictory to support this assertion.

[bentnotbroken]

So tit for tat is the irony? I dont think so, I was whole heartly ready to have a life with this guy and he walked away at the last min for convience of a dumb 19 yr old. too bad he didnt believe me

 

 

No the lack of integrity is the irony. Why would you expect an honest relationship and respect from a man willing to sleep with a married woman or for that matter why should he expect honesty from you since you were betraying your H? I would suspect you only want to believe the 19 year old was dumb, but is she really? Is she single, then he was completely in his right to seek a relationship with a single person.

[Woman In Blue]

Numb, you're now in a situation totally of your own creation.

 

The jist I get from your posts is that you were happy to stay wherever you were being provided for. When your 23 year old "boyfriend" couldn't take you and your kids on, you stayed where the living was easy - with your husband.

 

Here's a crazy thought - why don't you become financially independent and start fending for yourself rather than constantly looking to men to support you? And quite honestly, why SHOULD your younger "boyfriend" have to support you and a bunch of kids he didn't even CREATE? What a ridiculous expectation. And don't think for a second that THAT isn't one of the reasons he bolted when you made yourself available to him. He sees you and your kids as one huge financial albatross around his neck. Let's face it - you were never willing to cut ties with your husband before because this guy wasn't financially stable, so that clearly told him exactly what you expected from him. Now you suddenly show up in his town, kids in tow, looking to HIM to provide for you all. Of course he's going to RUN like the wind. I would too, if I were him.

 

As other posters have said, you bring nothing but trouble and baggage to the table. While I think he's a social misfit for being 30 years old and dating a TEENAGER, the 19 year old old won't strap him with a ready-made family and a rightfully angry and bitter soon-to-be ex-husband.

 

Gee, who would MOST people pick in that particular scenario?

 

Lastly, why don't you stop worrying about your boyfriend and his new child girlfriend and actually put some attention toward your children? You're so busy making everything about YOU that you don't even realize what you've done to those poor kids! You've broken up their family, moved them to a different town, and now you're throwing yourself on the sword for some loser guy who can't even date women his own age. Talking about suicide and wanting to commit yourself - and all because you're so damned self-centered that you can't see past your own nose to realize that these children are dependant on you! They don't deserve to see some drama queen crying and flailing all over the floor because she screwed up royally and now has to pay the price for it. They deserve better than that!

 

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

[numbdumbgirl]

Numb, you're now in a situation totally of your own creation.

 

The jist I get from your posts is that you were happy to stay wherever you were being provided for. When your 23 year old "boyfriend" couldn't take you and your kids on, you stayed where the living was easy - with your husband.

 

Here's a crazy thought - why don't you become financially independent and start fending for yourself rather than constantly looking to men to support you? And quite honestly, why SHOULD your younger "boyfriend" have to support you and a bunch of kids he didn't even CREATE? What a ridiculous expectation. And don't think for a second that THAT isn't one of the reasons he bolted when you made yourself available to him. He sees you and your kids as one huge financial albatross around his neck. Let's face it - you were never willing to cut ties with your husband before because this guy wasn't financially stable, so that clearly told him exactly what you expected from him. Now you suddenly show up in his town, kids in tow, looking to HIM to provide for you all. Of course he's going to RUN like the wind. I would too, if I were him.

 

As other posters have said, you bring nothing but trouble and baggage to the table. While I think he's a social misfit for being 30 years old and dating a TEENAGER, the 19 year old old won't strap him with a ready-made family and a rightfully angry and bitter soon-to-be ex-husband.

 

Gee, who would MOST people pick in that particular scenario?

 

Lastly, why don't you stop worrying about your boyfriend and his new child girlfriend and actually put some attention toward your children? You're so busy making everything about YOU that you don't even realize what you've done to those poor kids! You've broken up their family, moved them to a different town, and now you're throwing yourself on the sword for some loser guy who can't even date women his own age. Talking about suicide and wanting to commit yourself - and all because you're so damned self-centered that you can't see past your own nose to realize that these children are dependant on you! They don't deserve to see some drama queen crying and flailing all over the floor because she screwed up royally and now has to pay the price for it. They deserve better than that!

 

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

 

Let me defend myself for a minute, I have a job and my children are 18/15 and spend majority of the week with their father. I wasnt looking for a meal ticket, Most women want stable men. MY H is not rich but provides for his family. The OM didnt have to support them Thank you.

The OM which I failed to note, had a drug addiction when I met him, had no college education, and lived off his parents, as time went by he got a job, never left home and also still on pain pills...why i stayed I am assuming he was a distraction to my miserable marriage. To this day he is still in the same boat THAT is why I left him and was hesitant on the future with him. Neverthe less I LOVED him alot.

He hunted me down and found me when I left town and I fell in a ER with him. Thinking wow this is fate he loves me that much to find me and wait for me. Stupid me thought it was a love story.

As for my H...he knew of the affair and loved me anyway, We blamed on being married at 18 and never dating.

I did address how ashamed and sorry and guilty I feel for hurting my kids and MY H, He didnt deserve what I done and I am paying the price.

As for the OM and his teenchild, I look at it this way, He knew for 6 years who I was my baggage ect, and the first girl who comes along that is OK with his unstable life, cause she was unstable herself and nowhere to go, HE reeled her in but as he told me He never would have hurt me like this if I didnt make him wait or she never appeared in his life.

My ego isnt hurt over her age cause, she has nothing on me looks/brains wise, she looks 12. Its hurt cause I thought after putting off my happiness that my fairytale ending was going to happen and when it didnt, I was devastaed.

I am a good person, I take care of my family, I dont drink or do drugs, I cook keep a clean house, I am an animal advocate, I just beleive I was married too young and never had a support system or the tools in my life to figure out how to handle my emotions.

I know I was wrong and I have been focusing on my kids and me.

I guess I needed closure and I didnt get that from him he left me with questions. It should have been over 2 years ago but he decieved me into believing there was no one else in the picture and I guess he was getting his revenge on me for hurting him so much.

It seems easy for me to forget him and hate him, but I dont and I want to get on with my life, I just came here for some support and understanding and to tell others DONT get caught up in a LOVE AFFAIR, it is too painful.

[ladydesigner]

Hey numbdumbgirl ( I hate typing your screen name because I do not believe you are this) it sounds like you need a hug. Hey we all make mistakes. Focus on YOURSELF getting better and your kids. Fake it till you make it. You can do it. Who cares if you ended it first and he ended it second and it didn't work out. It's time to move forward. Maybe now you can be a wonderful mother to your kids, friends with you stbx H or even reconcile with him if he is open to it.

 

Seriously the way you described your XOM sounds similar to my XOM although my XOM didn't use drugs, but he was in no position to take care of anyone including his girlfriend. Anyways I was dumped by my XOM too for the same reason I don't want to have kids and he did plus he noted our age difference as being a problem as well I am 14 years older than him. At the time of our A I was 35 and he was 21, he was much much too young for me.

 

You WILL get through this just concentrate on getting your kids ready for life, start to improve yours and eventually you will have your eye opening moment as I did. I realize now just how idiotic my A actually was. A WTF was I thinking.

 

YOU will be fine, keep moving forward, spend lots of time with friends and family and get over this man or boy whatever he is.

[numbdumbgirl]

Hey numbdumbgirl ( I hate typing your screen name because I do not believe you are this) it sounds like you need a hug. Hey we all make mistakes. Focus on YOURSELF getting better and your kids. Fake it till you make it. You can do it. Who cares if you ended it first and he ended it second and it didn't work out. It's time to move forward. Maybe now you can be a wonderful mother to your kids, friends with you stbx H or even reconcile with him if he is open to it.

 

Seriously the way you described your XOM sounds similar to my XOM although my XOM didn't use drugs, but he was in no position to take care of anyone including his girlfriend. Anyways I was dumped by my XOM too for the same reason I don't want to have kids and he did plus he noted our age difference as being a problem as well I am 14 years older than him. At the time of our A I was 35 and he was 21, he was much much too young for me.

 

You WILL get through this just concentrate on getting your kids ready for life, start to improve yours and eventually you will have your eye opening moment as I did. I realize now just how idiotic my A actually was. A WTF was I thinking.

 

YOU will be fine, keep moving forward, spend lots of time with friends and family and get over this man or boy whatever he is.

 

Thank you ladydesigner for understanding what i am going through.

The sad part of it is when I left him I was doing fine my marriage had a spark of hope then he sucked me in again emotionally and I let him. he is only 6 yrs younger than me but he isnt anywhere near ready for a solid life. His parents enabled him and his brother through there criminal charges yes he had a felony record also, I fell inlove with him, But letting me comeback here to find out he rather have a teen as a life long partner someone who never went to college or lived life yet, fully aware that it will end badly, is what bothers me. Statistics say she will tire of him and then he will be all alone w/o anybody. I cant lie and say that them enjoying life together dont bother me, cause it does, but I have to pull thru for my kids once again. I think my best bet is to leave the town silently and never return. thank you for your time and encouraging words and the hug

[ladydesigner]

Thank you ladydesigner for understanding what i am going through.

The sad part of it is when I left him I was doing fine my marriage had a spark of hope then he sucked me in again emotionally and I let him. he is only 6 yrs younger than me but he isnt anywhere near ready for a solid life. His parents enabled him and his brother through there criminal charges yes he had a felony record also, I fell inlove with him, But letting me comeback here to find out he rather have a teen as a life long partner someone who never went to college or lived life yet, fully aware that it will end badly, is what bothers me. Statistics say she will tire of him and then he will be all alone w/o anybody. I cant lie and say that them enjoying life together dont bother me, cause it does, but I have to pull thru for my kids once again. I think my best bet is to leave the town silently and never return. thank you for your time and encouraging words and the hug

 

Sweetie you do not need this man. He has a felony record and sounds like he has a lot of his own soul searching to do. Be thankful YOU are not with him. Could you imagine a life with this man? When the newness wears off and reality sets in... is that what you would want for your future or for your kids new stepfather?

 

Forget about statistics this new girl may not tire of him, and you should not care one way or another. He made his choice as much as it hurts and one day, believe me, you will be thankful for it because he does not sound like father or marriage material.

 

Take care of yourself sweetie allow yourself to grieve and move on. Maybe moving out of his town would be a good idea. Do you have friends or family you can move near? Find a great support system.

 

One day you will be okay and will know you dodged a bullet.

[troggleputty]

Can anybody tell me what the whole point in trying again with me was if he knew all along he was going to end it?

 

Sex was the point in my opinion.

[bananalaffytaffy]

One day you will be okay and will know you dodged a bullet.

Here here. OP- Do you intend to follow through with your divorce?

I am also wondering if you have looked within yourself to find out why you were so attracted to a person with so many problems.

Edited April 14, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy

[numbdumbgirl]

Here here. OP- Do you intend to follow through with your divorce?

I am also wondering if you have looked within yourself to find out why you were so attracted to a person with so many problems.

I am not sure what I am doing at the moment, I think I am a person with a big heart and I love to nurture and care and save people and It made me feel good knowing he went from broke to a job from no education to a college degree and almost but far from over the drugs, I guess thats why I loved him cause he appreciated the fact I helped him somewhat.

Right now I am just shattered and confused

[LakesideDream]

Why are all the LS Veterans dancing around this? NumbDumb hasn't written abuot any of her "good" qualities. She spent a decade cheating on her "stable provider" husband.. Sleeping with him to keep the roof over her head, and the money coming in. She gave her heart to her young man, bad boy, drug addicted criminal boyfriend "OB" that's other boy.. cheating her faithful husband out of her love and attention.

 

And... .she's largely getting a free ride. Amazing. This isn't a typical OM/MW situation. NumbDumb has been in control, and working the situation to her benifit for a long time.

[SouthernSunshine]

Why are all the LS Veterans dancing around this? NumbDumb hasn't written abuot any of her "good" qualities. She spent a decade cheating on her "stable provider" husband.. Sleeping with him to keep the roof over her head, and the money coming in. She gave her heart to her young man, bad boy, drug addicted criminal boyfriend "OB" that's other boy.. cheating her faithful husband out of her love and attention.

 

 

Yes, that's really sad! Her husband was her high school sweetheart too. Her husband & kids are the real victims here..

[bentnotbroken]

Why are all the LS Veterans dancing around this? NumbDumb hasn't written abuot any of her "good" qualities. She spent a decade cheating on her "stable provider" husband.. Sleeping with him to keep the roof over her head, and the money coming in. She gave her heart to her young man, bad boy, drug addicted criminal boyfriend "OB" that's other boy.. cheating her faithful husband out of her love and attention.

 

And... .she's largely getting a free ride. Amazing. This isn't a typical OM/MW situation. NumbDumb has been in control, and working the situation to her benifit for a long time.

 

 

Yup. But you know us FBS are so bitter.... why bother?

[PhillySpecial]

It is disturbing that you would bring a felon drug addict into your childrens lives. It sounds like he gave you plenty of signs that this wasn't going to work out, you yourself said he was very unstable. By the way you describe this person, him dumping you could actually end up being the best thing to ever happen to you. It sounds like you were about to make a very bad decision in moving in with a felon drug addict.

 

And I agree that a woman of your age with two kids does need stability and someone who can provide for her. You may not see it now, but 6 months to a year from now you may view this as a blessing in disguise.

 

You should take the time now to deal with your demons and figure out what you were running from in moving to be with a felon drug addict.

[numbdumbgirl]

It is disturbing that you would bring a felon drug addict into your childrens lives. It sounds like he gave you plenty of signs that this wasn't going to work out, you yourself said he was very unstable. By the way you describe this person, him dumping you could actually end up being the best thing to ever happen to you. It sounds like you were about to make a very bad decision in moving in with a felon drug addict.

 

And I agree that a woman of your age with two kids does need stability and someone who can provide for her. You may not see it now, but 6 months to a year from now you may view this as a blessing in disguise.

 

You should take the time now to deal with your demons and figure out what you were running from in moving to be with a felon drug addict.

 

Only thing I can say is I am very inexpirienced in dating, having only 3 BF's in my life I married young. I was attracted to him and after I fell for him I found out all these things and I couldnt get out, I tried and tried but I was addicted to the attention he gave me.

I hope I find out what is wrong with me.

I am not proud of my mistakes.

I am a good person, I am not wild partying and doing drugs, I actually get up every morn with my kids/husband and get them off to work/school. Every Sunday I make a big breakfast, i cook everynight. I am a good wife other than the fact I cheated, I am hoping to change my behaviors and grow from this

[numbdumbgirl]

Yes, that's really sad! Her husband was her high school sweetheart too. Her husband & kids are the real victims here..

 

I know they are too. I feel awful. If I can salvage my marriage, I know for a fact i wont do it again. It was a one time thing and I am learning from it

[PhillySpecial]

Only thing I can say is I am very inexpirienced in dating, having only 3 BF's in my life I married young. I was attracted to him and after I fell for him I found out all these things and I couldnt get out, I tried and tried but I was addicted to the attention he gave me.

I hope I find out what is wrong with me.

I am not proud of my mistakes.

I am a good person, I am not wild partying and doing drugs, I actually get up every morn with my kids/husband and get them off to work/school. Every Sunday I make a big breakfast, i cook everynight. I am a good wife other than the fact I cheated, I am hoping to change my behaviors and grow from this

 

Don't beat yourself up, everyone makes mistakes. I said this not to put you down in anyway. I said this only to have you focus on the thought that "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea afterall". I mean going strictly from everything you've stated I really do think he did you a favor. He sounds like a loser.

 

Remember everything happens for a reason. If you had totally destroyed your marriage, moved in with him and then found out later that you made a mistake it would be much worse. If you can salvage your marriage you are a lucky woman and I would focus on that and your children. Don't focus on some fairy tale life that you want, focus on what you do have- a husband, two children, a second chance to right the wrongs.

[Tommy's Girl]

Be thankful YOU are not with him. Could you imagine a life with this man? When the newness wears off and reality sets in... is that what you would want for your future or for your kids new stepfather?

 

 

AMEN! I think we forget when the newness wears off what we are left with. Being in love really does take away the rational part of our brains sometimes. Numbdumbgirl, I think the other posters are correct - focus your energy and time on the kids and your marriage. It's hard, but you will get over this man. Be strong and consider everyday away from him a reason to celebrate!

[Passion4Life]

I know they are too. I feel awful. If I can salvage my marriage, I know for a fact i wont do it again. It was a one time thing and I am learning from it

 

its good that you are learning from this experience & try to get back to yours normal lives .

 

best of luck

[her_halo_slipped]

That's why I'm telling you, it probably didn't hit him until he was with you. Sometimes that's what it takes.

 

You feel ugly, unworthy and ashamed because you didn't get what you wanted. It's a turning point in your life, an eye opener. Try to use it in a positive manner and figure out how you want to move forward from this point on.

 

Fouts is giving you some really good advice.

 

Yes, the face to face and all of the issues/baggage that come with you is just too much for him. That is HIS choice. You now need to make YOUR choice. As difficult as this is you will move on and get past it and find love again. With someone who values you for who you are and makes you feel special.

I wish you the very best. The pain will not last if you don't let it.(((hugs)))

[her_halo_slipped]

I know you are hurting and are very upset and maybe that is the reason for your behaviour but I just don't see any sense in referring to his G/F as a dumb blonde teenager. Do you know this for sure?

I think it would be more helpful for you to not give her another thought and focus on YOU and what it will take for YOU to feel better.

After all I am sure you wouold not take kindly to the g/f referring to you as the stupid old bag or some other derogatory descriptive.

 

Time to move on and heal YOU. Forget HER.

[numbdumbgirl]

I know you are hurting and are very upset and maybe that is the reason for your behaviour but I just don't see any sense in referring to his G/F as a dumb blonde teenager. Do you know this for sure?

I think it would be more helpful for you to not give her another thought and focus on YOU and what it will take for YOU to feel better.

After all I am sure you wouold not take kindly to the g/f referring to you as the stupid old bag or some other derogatory descriptive.

 

Time to move on and heal YOU. Forget HER.

I do agree i have gotten some excellent advice here thank you all

As far as the girl being dumb, never said she was blonde cause she isnt.

She is the same age as my son, and I think its quite "dumb" of her to just be starting life and trying to be with someone who hasnt even grown up himself. Yes I was dumb also, but then again, I didnt move in with him after 2 months, I wasnt desperate.

I have been trying to focus on me, but some days are just hard thinking about how I feel tricked into believing my fairytale ending was going to happen and it turned out to be a nightmare.

[numbdumbgirl]

I know you are hurting and are very upset and maybe that is the reason for your behaviour but I just don't see any sense in referring to his G/F as a dumb blonde teenager. Do you know this for sure?

I think it would be more helpful for you to not give her another thought and focus on YOU and what it will take for YOU to feel better.

After all I am sure you wouold not take kindly to the g/f referring to you as the stupid old bag or some other derogatory descriptive.

 

Time to move on and heal YOU. Forget HER.

I wouldnt care whhat she called me cause she has seen pics of me and knows I look in my early twenties and am pretty much a hot mama and her looking 14 at the most, so her looks dont bother me. I shouldnt call anyone horrible names, I was just angry.

[U2RockZz]

my sympathies to your H(exH ???).....do your first and final favor towards your H get the D...then explore the galaxy...