numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 My love affair started in 2003 Me being married for approx 13 years to my HS sweetheart with 2 kids, marriage got boring and me and H lost connection. I was 30 and met a 23 yr old single man and fell head over heals for him.He was wonderful, kind, loving, over the top sex, but he was poor and struggling in life. We continued the affair for 4.5 years when I got tired of living a double life and living in guilt. I wanted out of my marriage but my OM couldnt give me stability, a home ect. He was pretty much broke but I fell for him anyway He was like a drug that I was addicted to and yes He filled the void that I was missing in my marriage. So I decided to leave town and leave him behind but couldnt say goodbye in person So I told him once I got in another town and he was heartbroken. We tried NC but we ended up LDR for 2 years on and off..mostly i would ignore him or avoid calling him while trying to put my marriage back in order. I didnt want this(i missed him I wanted him) but he still after all this time He couldnt give me a secure life thats why i couldnt leave my H. Then I decided I was moving back to his town and he was glad he said I went out with someone last week but nothing serious and she moved away. Not to worry bout other girls. (he suppossedly waited for me 2 years and this girl was his first date) he ignored me for 3 weeks wouldnt answer texts/calls/emails(im assuming while banging her) So I believed him that he was ready to commit I was ready for a divorce and we were finally gonna be free and be together. So I pack up my things/kids and head back to his town, get settled in and We decided to meet up. Once we do he is all over me telling me he loves me missed me wanted me ect..we end up having sex and it was like we never were apart it all fell back together. Except i still was married The very next day he said it didnt feel right (he was still bitter i left him for 2 years) and he is moving on with the other girl (shes 19) (he is 30) he dont have to hide and deal with a divorce ect..hurting my kids and the big killer her tubes arent tied (mine is) it didnt matter for 6 years but now it does WTF? So i am left hurt confused and angry for wasting my money to get back here and now he is living with this teenager and wants nothing to do with me. i cant eat sleep function im ready to commit myself, i thought it was fate we finally got our chance to be together now he ruined it over a immature schoolgirl! Can anybody tell me what the whole point in trying again with me was if he knew all along he was going to end it?
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 I would also like to add I deserve the pain of hurting my husband and my kids and the OM, I was wrong I have deep issues, but right now I am hurting and confused and I am very fragile and feel like Im dying
Fouts Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Hun, he had nothing to lose, ever. He thought that maybe the magic would return a second time, but for him it didn't. To put myself in his shoes, he probably saw face to face everything he didn't want out of the rest of his life, divorce, step kids, no children of his own (which is what you mentioned). Yes, you did it to yourself. Be thankful you're receiving yet another chance to make your family right. I hope you can take advantage of it.
SouthernSunshine Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I really hope your kids didn't know about your relationship with that guy. . Did you honestly think this loser with nothing was going to magically change? Just hope you didn't catch anything! Forget that guy!!! Focus more on your kids. Good luck!!
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Hun, he had nothing to lose, ever. He thought that maybe the magic would return a second time, but for him it didn't. To put myself in his shoes, he probably saw face to face everything he didn't want out of the rest of his life, divorce, step kids, no children of his own (which is what you mentioned). Yes, you did it to yourself. Be thankful you're receiving yet another chance to make your family right. I hope you can take advantage of it. If he didnt want all that then why did he continue for so long? Just seems to me once he had a back up girl he bolted. As for the magic? Well yeah there was magic, him all over me kissing me making love to me. If there wasnt chemistry there then I dont think he would have bothered. I think he is a coward and i lost enough in my life he should have left me alone when I left him 2 years ago
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 I really hope your kids didn't know about your relationship with that guy. . Did you honestly think this loser with nothing was going to magically change? Just hope you didn't catch anything! Forget that guy!!! Focus more on your kids. Good luck!! i didnt catch anything besides a heartbreak all over again. I only dated 3 guys in my life, him being one of them, I guess I was niave and stupid. He didnt change one bit while I was gone, but i guess someone else being with him is killing me slowly and i dont know why
SouthernSunshine Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 i didnt catch anything besides a heartbreak all over again. I only dated 3 guys in my life, him being one of them, I guess I was niave and stupid. He didnt change one bit while I was gone, but i guess someone else being with him is killing me slowly and i dont know why (((HUGS))) I'm really sorry that you're hurting! Please try to focus on positive things, your children especially!
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 No man should make you feel like you are dying. He used you - plain and simple. Time to get your act together, if not for you, for your children. You can't UNDO the past, but you can stop the drama and the wanting to die and focus on something really important - your kids. thank you, im just so depressed, the whole 2 years i was gone i wasnt with anyother guy iwas still inlove with the OM, we talked daily it was like we were together and he was waiting on me and the momemt i return he bolted and Im just so hurt..i gotta get past this its making me litterally sick, i have lost so much weight and i cant even leave my house Should i get admitted to hospital?
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 (((HUGS))) I'm really sorry that you're hurting! Please try to focus on positive things, your children especially! Thank you sunshine..I only live right now for them..thats why i never left my husband cause i didnt want to hurt them, But now the only other man i ever felt a connection with is gone and i know i wont ever feel this for my H again so i guess im gonna be loveless the rest of my life I am co dependent and vulnerable and i need to change that but i dont know how
Fouts Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 If he didnt want all that then why did he continue for so long? You were gone, it was LDR contact only correct? Even though he had this young babe waiting in the wings, he probably was thinking that the magic you two had before could return. When you got back to town and were together, the realization of what you had to offer him (which is basically nothing but trouble) wasn't appealing and he went with the obvious better choice. Sometimes it takes being face to face for reality to hit. If you want to beat yourself up over it, you had the chance to make a new life with him years ago, but you were afraid to take that leap. The reality is now you have nothing to offer him and you're left with what you have (which is what alot of women would kill for). If you're trying to find fault in what he did, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 You were gone, it was LDR contact only correct? Even though he had this young babe waiting in the wings, he probably was thinking that the magic you two had before could return. When you got back to town and were together, the realization of what you had to offer him (which is basically nothing but trouble) wasn't appealing and he went with the obvious better choice. Sometimes it takes being face to face for reality to hit. If you want to beat yourself up over it, you had the chance to make a new life with him years ago, but you were afraid to take that leap. The reality is now you have nothing to offer him and you're left with what you have (which is what alot of women would kill for). If you're trying to find fault in what he did, you should be ashamed of yourself. i am ashamed of myself, I am so ashamed I thought about ending my life since I screwed everyones up! I guess whn I told him this time I was getting the divorce he didnt believe me. His choice to trade me up for a teenage girl hurts like hell, cause like that is even gonna last longterm. I feel ugly and unworthy. He did assure me he loved me and he is sorry but he didnt have to make me leave everything behind just to prove a point
Fouts Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 That's why I'm telling you, it probably didn't hit him until he was with you. Sometimes that's what it takes. You feel ugly, unworthy and ashamed because you didn't get what you wanted. It's a turning point in your life, an eye opener. Try to use it in a positive manner and figure out how you want to move forward from this point on.
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 That's why I'm telling you, it probably didn't hit him until he was with you. Sometimes that's what it takes. You feel ugly, unworthy and ashamed because you didn't get what you wanted. It's a turning point in your life, an eye opener. Try to use it in a positive manner and figure out how you want to move forward from this point on. What sucks is i was actually at a point in my life where i was ready for a divorce. He even got us a place to live lined up for when I got here. I know i hurt him and I know he loved me, but believed our love was worth the wait and we finally had the chance, he didnt give me the chance to prove to him i was serious. Instead he settled for a highschool girl. He did have the decentcy to tell me It had nothing to do with me or my love, that I was amazing and gorgeous and sexy. The chemistry was still there, we got along great. I guess im sad that i let him slip away. i do think your words are wise and have truth behind them and thank you.
bentnotbroken Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Does any one else see the irony here? A man willing to cheat with a MW was supposed to wait for her? Wasn't he single? And let's face it, you moved on from your H wanting a younger man and the younger man moved on from you for a younger woman. His turn is right around the corner.
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Does any one else see the irony here? A man willing to cheat with a MW was supposed to wait for her? Wasn't he single? And let's face it, you moved on from your H wanting a younger man and the younger man moved on from you for a younger woman. His turn is right around the corner. So tit for tat is the irony? I dont think so, I was whole heartly ready to have a life with this guy and he walked away at the last min for convience of a dumb 19 yr old. too bad he didnt believe me
SouthernSunshine Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 It sounds like this jerk off had a GF the whole time, and planned on just getting down your pants for the night. He will most likely be back.. He's with a girl, and you're a woman. He will most likely want his cake & eat it too. You didn't start crying your eyes out to him when he told you about his GF did you? Please don't give that guy the power to hurt you again. Don't feed him, like feeding the beast! As for letting him slip away.. He did you a favor by leaving, look at it that way. He's a nobody!! I can't believe you're not pi$$ed at him for the way he did you! He used you. He could have told you the deal before he got down your pants. i gotta get past this its making me litterally sick, i have lost so much weight and i cant even leave my house Should i get admitted to hospital? You should snap out of it!!! Think about your kids, not some loser, horny guy that thinks with the wrong head! Wake up already! You probably think the sex with him this last time was great b/c it's been years since you had any! You have got to keep it together for your kids. They need you to be strong!
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 It sounds like this jerk off had a GF the whole time, and planned on just getting down your pants for the night. He will most likely be back.. He's with a girl, and you're a woman. He will most likely want his cake & eat it too. You didn't start crying your eyes out to him when he told you about his GF did you? Please don't give that guy the power to hurt you again. Don't feed him, like feeding the beast! As for letting him slip away.. He did you a favor by leaving, look at it that way. He's a nobody!! I can't believe you're not pi$$ed at him for the way he did you! He used you. He could have told you the deal before he got down your pants. You should snap out of it!!! Think about your kids, not some loser, horny guy that thinks with the wrong head! Wake up already! You probably think the sex with him this last time was great b/c it's been years since you had any! You have got to keep it together for your kids. They need you to be strong! thank you sweetie, your awesome..No i didnt cry when he told me he went on a date with a girl, I got the date on when he met her it was 1 month before i got here,yeah i feel used, but i felt the connection that last time we had sex and thought wow, its us again, i was wrong, it wasnt til afterwards when he admitted he had sex with her that i cried, cause i felt dirty. I know my kids are most important and thats why i dont have the man i love cause i put their happiness above mine..now i am trying to put the pieces back together
Author numbdumbgirl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 You're a cheat and got what you deserved.... I know..............
jwi71 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 My love affair started in 2003 Me being married for approx 13 years to my HS sweetheart with 2 kids, marriage got boring and me and H lost connection. Normal for just about everything here methinks. I was 30 and met a 23 yr old single man and fell head over heals for him.He was wonderful, kind, loving, over the top sex, but he was poor and struggling in life.Again, normal how this A begins. Yet you clearly display a willingness to use people (your H AND the OM). Its obvious how you were using your H but you would also use the OM as a way to a "better life". In fact, you would have left immediately had he been able to provide you more material things. Follow along with me here...I'm not attacking you but there is no way I can present this kindly... We continued the affair for 4.5 years when I got tired of living a double life and living in guilt. I wanted out of my marriage but my OM couldnt give me stability, a home ect. He was pretty much broke but I fell for him anyway He was like a drug that I was addicted to and yes He filled the void that I was missing in my marriage.And this kinda solidifies my point. You aren't looking for happiness here...you're looking for a meal ticket. Again, I bet if he was a doctor, you'd have filed for D right then and celebrated how you scored. I can surmise this because you "loved him" but he was TOO POOR for you. Your words, not mine. Tired of the living the double life. But you are still living it aren't you? Unless I missed it, I haven't read where you filed for D and left your H. Still stringing him along...and stringing your OM along. Well, up until he found his new gf anyways. ... We tried NC but we ended up LDR for 2 years on and off..mostly i would ignore him or avoid calling him while trying to put my marriage back in order. I didnt want this(i missed him I wanted him) but he still after all this time He couldnt give me a secure life thats why i couldnt leave my H.How can you possibly work on your M while having an A. Oh, it wasn't a PA now (or maybe it was still), but clearly an EA. And, you can't fix a M when the only thing keeping you in it is his paycheck. How can you possibly reconnect when all you see is the dollar signs he earns. You will NEVER be happy in this M. Or any R for that matter as long as you see only a man's paycheck. It shackles both you and your H. The sad part is I bet your H STILL has no clue that his life is a lie - like the movie the Matrix. That everything around him isn't real so to speak. Again, you clearly say your OM's lack of money keeps you filing for D. So very sad for you. Then I decided I was moving back to his town and he was glad he said I went out with someone last week but nothing serious and she moved away. Not to worry bout other girls. (he suppossedly waited for me 2 years and this girl was his first date) he ignored me for 3 weeks wouldnt answer texts/calls/emails(im assuming while banging her)Oh the irony. Its ok for you, a married woman to cheat on her H, but when your bf(?) goes out (after you moved away and told him you were focusing on your M) he's in the WRONG?!?!?! Hello double standard. Sorry, SoutherSunshine, but our OP clearly broke it off with him (her own words) so how this OM is a jerk for pursuing others is a mystery. Oh, don't get me wrong, he's a jerk alright - but for sleeping with another man's wife...not for pursuing other interests from his married lover (especially given she told him to take a hike). So I believed him that he was ready to commit I was ready for a divorce and we were finally gonna be free and be together.Wow. You believed him that he was ready to commit after cheating on your H, moving away and everything else you've said. YOu were even ready to file for D. And HE'S ready to commit? This thread has officially left the OM/OW forum and entered the twilight zone. So I pack up my things/kids and head back to his town, get settled in and We decided to meet up. Once we do he is all over me telling me he loves me missed me wanted me ect..we end up having sex and it was like we never were apart it all fell back together. Except i still was married OP, take the above quote. Now take the quote above that and my comments. The twilight zone bit as well. Do you see how disjointed that is? YOU believe he is ready to commit yet you haven't filed...shoot, you don't even live in his town until this quote. Follow me? And why is it ok now, given that earlier it wasn't because of money. Did his income reach a level that he could provide for you and your children? Or did you finally learn that love and money aren't correlated? The very next day he said it didnt feel right (he was still bitter i left him for 2 years) and he is moving on with the other girl (shes 19) (he is 30) he dont have to hide and deal with a divorce ect..hurting my kids and the big killer her tubes arent tied (mine is) it didnt matter for 6 years but now it does WTF?IT sounds like he has given you some very honest reasons for not going forward with you no? Can you deny anything he says? Does his reasoning make sense? It does to me. And, as far as feeling used...I think you are being a wee bit hypocritical here no? Can you imagine how your H is going to feel? So i am left hurt confused and angry for wasting my money to get back here and now he is living with this teenager and wants nothing to do with me.Everything you said above makes sense to me. Except. Angry for spending your money? Back to money again I see. And, are you wasting YOUR money or the money your H earned...remember where I was talking about your hypocrisy...this plays into it as well. Remeber me talking about using others...yes, that theme folds back into this as well. i cant eat sleep function im ready to commit myself, i thought it was fate we finally got our chance to be together now he ruined it over a immature schoolgirl!There is some much wrong with this quote I don't know where to begin. You're upset he wont commit to you after you moved away and told him you were working on your M. You're upset you are ready to commit while married. You're upset HE ruined it given YOUR actions (and despite being married to another). You call HER immature? Wow. Can anybody tell me what the whole point in trying again with me was if he knew all along he was going to end it?Sex. He wanted to have sex with you. And how is this a problem for you? You already know his definition of fidelity is askew (his sleeping with a married woman for Pete's sake). And why is it not ok for him to do to you what you have done to your H? Or did I answer my own question... I KNOW you will like virtually nothing in my post. But I am NOT attacking you...like I said to begin with...there is NO nice way to say what I felt needed to be said. I can't sugarcoat it. I find it amazing that you are complaining about your OM and "what he's done to you" given what you DO to your H. This is little more than a cake eater scorned. She gets a taste of her own medicine and doesn't like it. That's basically what this is. If I were you, I would file for D, get yourself and kids in to therapy and divest yourself of both men.
2sunny Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 (edited) thank you, im just so depressed, the whole 2 years i was gone i wasnt with anyother guy iwas still inlove with the OM, we talked daily it was like we were together and he was waiting on me and the momemt i return he bolted and Im just so hurt..i gotta get past this its making me litterally sick, i have lost so much weight and i cant even leave my house Should i get admitted to hospital? The very next day he said it didnt feel right (he was still bitter i left him for 2 years) and he is moving on with the other girl (shes 19) (he is 30) he dont have to hide and deal with a divorce ect..hurting my kids and the big killer her tubes arent tied (mine is) it didnt matter for 6 years but now it does WTF? the undelined part: you weren't with him... not only that YOU were married. YOU have a husband. those 2 years you were with your H right? well guess what - that means YOU weren't alone. and guess what - you were married. seems like you forget that small fact. do you lie this readily? i think you only ran back because you realized he started dating someone. it didn't feel right because he now has choices. wouldn't you want that for someone you care about? for them to be happy with a full future ahead of them? for them to want kids someday and to have that as a possibility? YOU are so busy thinking of yourself that you forget that HE deserves happiness in his life. your circumstances offer little except compromise, confusion and chaos... add in a dash of a gal that keeps changing her mind and i'm sure he doesn't trust your word. your words have never matched the action until you decided you lost him. good sex only goes so far in an honest and long term marriage... there needs to be more than that to sustain happiness long term. do your husband a favor too - divorce him still... he deserves a gal that will love, honor and cherish him - what you have offered to the marriage doesn't even look close to what he deserves. and here's a revelation... HE didn't do any of this to you - YOU did it all to yourself! when YOU realize that your poor choices lead to all of this - then you might have something to move forward with. YOU are responsible for YOU. simple as that. Edited April 14, 2010 by 2sunny
Samantha0905 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I realize you are telling yourself you could not leave your spouse because you didn't feel financial security with your affair partner. I did wonder if by "poor" you meant your AP was a responsible working adult who simply did not make enough money in your eyes or was he an irresponsible person who refused to work? I'm just wondering..... I think you didn't leave your husband for your affair partner because you didn't want to. You left your AP for two years. That's a long time!! Even if you guys were still talking, you didn't really think a young single man wasn't seeing other women did you? Were you having sex with your husband during that time? So, when you say you packed up with your children and headed back to the town to see your AP -- did you announce all of that to your husband? It sounds like your AP has found someone else for now. Maybe for good. It would be a lot for a single person to tackle -- a relationship with someone who has children, who is in the process of a divorce, etc. It sounds like you need to work out whether you want to be in your marriage or not and try not to consider your AP right now as being part of the equation. I know easier said than done -- but it really does seem like you are thinking you want him more than you actually do merely because he's connected with someone else.
jthorne Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I agree with most that has already been said. I also think your ego is a little bruised because of his new GF's age. If his new GF would have been 39 instead of 19, would you be quite so upset? I think this guy will be back once he's had is fun with the 19 year old. But I also think he will not be able to give you what you want long term. I know that most of what's been posted on your thread has been hard to read. Please try to focus your energies on your children. They have been uprooted away from their father and moved to a new town. Your children need you right now. Please try to get out of your own way and be there for them.
SouthernSunshine Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Wow. You believed him that he was ready to commit after cheating on your H, moving away and everything else you've said. YOu were even ready to file for D. And HE'S ready to commit? This thread has officially left the OM/OW forum and entered the twilight zone. The bolded almost made me pee my pants! I just feel bad for anyone who is hurting. I think the OP didn't necessarily want a meal ticket, but rather a life with him, and he couldn't give her that b/c he was a bum... *shrug* At least that's how I took it.. it really does seem like you are thinking you want him more than you actually do merely because he's connected with someone else.I agree!
Passion4Life Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 What sucks is i was actually at a point in my life where i was ready for a divorce. He even got us a place to live lined up for when I got here. I know i hurt him and I know he loved me, but believed our love was worth the wait and we finally had the chance, he didnt give me the chance to prove to him i was serious. Instead he settled for a highschool girl. He did have the decentcy to tell me It had nothing to do with me or my love, that I was amazing and gorgeous and sexy. The chemistry was still there, we got along great. I guess im sad that i let him slip away. i do think your words are wise and have truth behind them and thank you. ok so all I can see in your post is about feeling sorry about letting ur OM slip away & nothing about hurting ur husband & kids . Making mistake is acceptable , but I dont think you realize or feel sorry for treating your husband as a doormat . why are you still with your husband when you know if the OM comes back you will dump ur husband omce again ? I hope you will learn from this & become a better person . Best of luck
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Hun, he had nothing to lose, ever. He thought that maybe the magic would return a second time, but for him it didn't. To put myself in his shoes, he probably saw face to face everything he didn't want out of the rest of his life, divorce, step kids, no children of his own (which is what you mentioned). Yes, you did it to yourself. Be thankful you're receiving yet another chance to make your family right. I hope you can take advantage of it. Yep, you have no one to blame. no one forced you to do anything, that was of your own free will... You fell for it, hook line and sinker!
Recommended Posts