Deadcan Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Ok so I have to post this very carefully so people don't misunderstand the point I am trying to make. I have really been enjoying these forums and reading other peoples experiences. Some make me happy and offer me hope, others tug at my heart and make my eyes a little misty. With so many other people out here in LDR land I can relate to all the experiences and myriads of emotions. As I read these forums more and more and I see some who are just plain "haters" of LDR and other who are so hell bent on making it work no matter what that I have really begun to appreciate that some people are cut out for an LDR and others aren't. I suppose this is obvious to most of you but it wasn't to me until recently. To me love was always black or white. You either love someone and do all that you can to be with them no matter what the distance is or obstacles that present themselves. Or you don't. And the old adage that the one who loves the least in a relationship will always have the most power in a relationship. Ugh, I hate that. But I see now it's not black and white for everyone. You can be so committed to you your SO and they can also claim to love you but the distance in the end makes them just call it off. I have read posts from so many Women who wish their boy would text, more, communicate more, try more to spend time with them...etc.... And then you have blokes like me who wish their girl texted more, tried to spend more time with me, would return cards or letters in the post... Would look for more romantic returns... etc.... It's taken years, but I know this is just how my girl is and I know she loves me. So by NO MEANS am i suggesting I am talking about myself here. I guess what I am getting at, is for the LDR aware, and committed and finding themselves suddenly without their SO wouldn't the LDR forums like this be a great place to meet your next potential SO? Here is a collection of people sharing their needs and experiences and it would seem ideal place to meet others of like minded LDR commitment. Anyway, are there any love stories out there from people who may have found compatibility with another LDR through forums like these? Seems to me that those dedicated enough to post and research how to grow their LDR, in spite of the SO would almost be ideally suited for each other? And NO i am not suggesting people go and try poaching other peoples SO's from LDR forums but it just occurred to me for some of the heartbroken here your next LDR friendly and understanding connection my be right here on these forums? So, anyway... just a thought. Thankful for this forum and all your inputs. Cheers, Deadcan
sweetjasmine Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I don't know about anyone else here, but I hope I never ever end up in an LDR ever again.
Author Deadcan Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Hmm, good point... Well, not on purpose but if I am in love with someone and LDR is better than being alone... IMHO....
hoping2heal Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Interesting thoughts deadcan. I think people start off in love and can possibly drift away from that - and then they decide to give up on the relationship. See, LDR's aren't chock full of fun no. They are hard and present many challenges but they also offer many blessings. They give us the opportunity - well actually they force us to learn how to communicate better with our partners. Afterall - many times we are missing that human touch - so we need to find other means of communicating our feelings and emotions to our partner. It also teaches us to appreciate the time together and make the best of things. We learn to become problem solvers and build up our tolerance. At the end of the day there are so many worse things a relationship can face than an LDR. You have to learn how to be okay with obstacles and navigate through them in any relationship and being in an LDR gives you a chance to get really, really good at that part. No relationship is not without it's share of conflicts and of course not all relationships LDR or not - are meant to work out. However, those of us who have a good thing going - I know I speak for myself; we aren't intimidated by a little distance. We know the relationship we have built is a special and precious gift. A rare opportunity we were lucky to find. Someone we can be so madly and passionately in love with, someone who can understand us so deeply and inherently. Someone who makes us feel that no longer we are reaching out for someone to understand who we are and what makes us tick. Someone who accepts us for who we are even with our flaws and shortcomings and in turn; helps us to accept those part of ourselves. Believe me, some distance and time apart is SOOO worth it. Just being in a relationship with someone who lives close to you doesn't mean it's a great one. It isn't a guarantee for a good relationship just as "LDR" isn't a guarantee for a bad one.
Author Deadcan Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Oh heaven forbid PLEASE DONT take this wrong... I guess what I am saying also is that if for some reason my love dumped me... To find someone dedicated to love and the work it takes to make it work in an LDR like I see time and time again on these forums would be very attractive to me and I could see a bloke finding the things they BEG for and they things they offer as a welcome compliment to his LDR dedication... Just a thought...
Pyro Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 LDRs are definitely hard. You have to make time for communication and definitely make plans to live with each other, or close to one another at the least. Otherwise a LDR is pointles IMO My LDR is with someone from this sight and it has been worth every moment of it.
aerogurl87 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Deadcan I see your point. Haha, actually that's kinda one of the things that made me actually want to be with my guy although we didn't meet on a LDR forum. But he had been in a LDR before (like me) and he knew it took hard work, which honestly made me want to give him a chance. He also had his ex give up on their LDR (like mine did to me) although he was working his butt off to make it work. I think with both of us knowing that we were two people who had been in the same boat before, and who were committed to making things work, really made it easier for us to try being in a LDR. Only difference this time is that we live in two different countries when our exes both lived in our own respective countries.
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