sahbena Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Since we broke up he's been wanting to keep in contact with me. Says he still wants a line to me. He sends me texts telling me to enjoy my day or have a peaceful day and those kinds of things. If he sees me his face just lights up. this guy broke up with me cause he was feeling depressed. on valentines he sent me a message saying he hoped i got all the hugs and kisses that i deserved and another dumb line. i still feel like im in a relationship as much as i try to move on. even when i do nc if we dont communicate within at least 3 days he comes up with this bogus line like 'tell ur dad i say hi'. my dad still asks about him and he asks about my dad. he also continues to send me pics of his niece and stuff like that. i try not to keep any conversation but its hard as i still have feelings for him. given all this i asked him if he still has feelings for me and his response was 'i care about your happiness'. and he keeps saying he hasnt spoken to anyone since we broke up and he's trying to work on himself as he hopes that im taking this time to do the same. i didnt know that i was supposed to be doing something during this 'time'. can any males decipher this code? its been 6 mnths now.
hopesndreams Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Stop responding to him. People like him hate to be ignored. No doubt he has someone else and wants to keep you around if things don't work out with her. Are you hoping the both of you will get back together? If you are, then you are going about it the wrong way. As in stands now, he is weaning himself off you, not being drawn to you. Let him enjoy life without you as much as you are enjoying life without him.
USMCHokie Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Step 1: Tell him to stop contacting you. Completely. Step 2: Move on. I kind of want to slap this guy in the face with a boat paddle for being such a giant p*ssy... If he broke up with you and doesn't want to be your boyfriend anymore, then he doesn't deserve to be in your life in any way. Period. I'm surprised that you've kept this up for six months...I'm thinking both of you need a swift boat paddle slap in the face... If he can't deal with not being able to talk to you, that's his own damn problem. And it doesn't matter if he has someone else and just keeps you around on the side or if he's lonely and by himself...the fact of the matter is that he chose to leave you...please don't give him the opportunity to keep you in his life when he obviously doesn't want you to be a part of his... He says he wants "a line to you"...? Tell him to go f*ck off...because right now he's just holding you by a leash...this isn't guy code for anything...he is just being a selfish douchebag by forcing you to remain in contact with him. LAUNCH HIM.
USMCHokie Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 i still feel like im in a relationship as much as i try to move on. even when i do nc if we dont communicate within at least 3 days he comes up with this bogus line like 'tell ur dad i say hi'. my dad still asks about him and he asks about my dad. he also continues to send me pics of his niece and stuff like that. i try not to keep any conversation but its hard as i still have feelings for him. And you will continue to harbor feelings for this guy as long as you allow him to keep this up. At this rate, you will never move on until you remove him from your life. The only way you can be certain he wants you back is if after a nice extended period of no contact, he comes back and "breaks down your door" telling you how much of a mistake it was to break up with you and how he will do everything and anything to make a relationship with you work. All this "I care about your happiness" is a crock of sh*t and it kind of makes me puke a little in my mouth...don't buy it, and don't subject yourself to having to read or hear it from this guy... NC FTW. Be strong and move on.
Agent Thomas Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Stop responding to him. People like him hate to be ignored. No doubt he has someone else and wants to keep you around if things don't work out with her. I wouldn't be so sure of this. Based on what the topic creator wrote, he sounds like a Hippy/nutbag. For him to be devious like that, it just conflicts with his M.O. He is "depressed" and clearly a mental fruit cake. He's no sly fox. (Disclaimer: This observation is based solely on what has been written of this guy).
USMCHokie Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I wouldn't be so sure of this. Based on what the topic creator wrote, he sounds like a Hippy/nutbag. For him to be devious like that, it just conflicts with his M.O. He is "depressed" and clearly a mental fruit cake. He's no sly fox. (Disclaimer: This observation is based solely on what has been written of this guy). I agree completely. He's much too gentle to carry the title of 'man.'
Author sahbena Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Thanks for all ur inputs. Got another message today saying have a good day. completely ignored. And its a good feeling not to be bogged down with wondering what he means with akk this crap he's sending.
Ilovecake Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 The truth is that if someone is being nice to you it doesn't mean they want to be in a relationship with you or you would be dating 60% of the cashiers and department store sales clerks out there. You have to worry about yourself here. What would make you happy, what would help you move on? You don't have to be mean but you can start by explaining to him that you need space in order to work on yourself and his constant chit chatter is holding you back. Tell him if and when YOU'RE READY you'll get a hold of him. Tell him you’re a big girl and you appreciate his concern but he doesn’t need to check in on you. I had an ex that acted that way, even 12 years later I still get messages from him with pictures of his son who I spent the first 3 years of his life with. I don’t mind but at first I did ask for space and he was kind enough to give it to me this is why now we can be friends and getting messages doesn’t upset me. He was always respectful of my feelings and even though he missed me he knew we could never be together and it was important to not be in eachother's lives for a few years.
SadKitty78 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Thanks for all ur inputs. Got another message today saying have a good day. completely ignored. And its a good feeling not to be bogged down with wondering what he means with akk this crap he's sending. I will echo the general sentiment of the other posters of this thread and that is, "This guy's a selfish coward!" He is seriously getting on my nerves! He made the decision to end things with you, yet he's keeping you around like someone he doesn't want to be with, but who he keeps around for the attention? Even if his motives are "sincere" on a conscious level, on subconscious level, you are helping him "move on" and wean off of his interactions with you AT YOUR EXPENSE AND AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR EMOTIONS. I would tell him to give you your space to heal and move on and if you must, ignore him if need be. My ex is actually giving me my space as requested, and the few times he has contacted me, I've actually just ignored his texts, meaning not even reading them. USMCHokie is correct is saying that him stringing you around like this is NOT the same as him feeling as though he's made a mistake and wants you back. That can only occur later down the line when he's really realized his mistake in letting you go. But don't count on that happening. Your priority right now is to GET OVER HIM. Wish you the best!
Author sahbena Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 There's no sincerity in all this. He doesn't have a clue what he wants. And I've gotten over the crap. If he was sincere, then on the odd occasion when he calls me, he wouldn't act with such an attitude. He called me last week to meet his sis again and it just so happened I was flying out of the country. He acted as though I did him something and seemed cold as he normally acts on the rare occassion when he calls. I would have thought that if he had a new woman in his life he wouldn't have to be worrying about if i met his sis or not. I'm beginning to think he needs professional help. He's acting like a weak and insecure man which has helped to turn me off of him. Then when im out of the country he sends me this message and i just ignored as i do now cause im about moving on. And he keeps sending these very confusing poems.
D-Lish Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Stop responding to him. People like him hate to be ignored. No doubt he has someone else and wants to keep you around if things don't work out with her. Are you hoping the both of you will get back together? If you are, then you are going about it the wrong way. As in stands now, he is weaning himself off you, not being drawn to you. Let him enjoy life without you as much as you are enjoying life without him. I agree with everything you said H&D, especially the part I bolded. The most valuable dating lesson I have learned is that silence is an effective weapon with a dumper. It drives people crazy to be ignored. If you want to inspire someone to get off their ass and figure out what they want, ignoring them is way more effective than remaining available to them. If you want to shake him up, simply stop responding. The thing is, he knows you are available to him. Asking him about how he feels totally gives him the upper hand. He has all the power as it stands right now. He's dumped you and is keeping you on the line. SO many people make the mistake of believing remaining in contact keeps you in the running. It doesn't, it actually makes you less desirable than suddenly becoming something they can't have. You have the power to take back your power. Who cares if he asks about your family or sends you cutsey pics of puppies or kids. He lost the right to responses from you when he broke up with you. If you want him back, cut off all contact, stop responding and give him the impression you are moving on.
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