JustJoe Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I received a card from my ex-AP, this morning. It was an "I love you, " card. In it she wrote, " I will always love you. Forgive me for not being stronger." Now ain't that a kick in the ass!!!
jthorne Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Now ain't that a kick in the ass!!!Yep, it surely is. So whatchu gonna do about it? You gonna put it beside your bed and pine over what could have been:mad:, or are you gonna say, "Well ain't that a kick" and throw it in the trash and go on with your life:), or what:confused:?
ladydesigner Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I'm sorry this stuff continues for you. It makes it so much harder when there is still contact. Sorry if you have answered this before, but are you in NC with her? I know if my XOM were to still contact me it would prolong the healing process. It used to drive me crazy, I couldn't figure out why on earth he would still want to be friends with me especially when he was the one who ended it. NC saved my sanity. Is there a way to block mail?
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 How selfish of her to send that to you. Guess she didn't think about the affect it would have on you.. Probably sent it in hopes that you would contact her or make sure she'd be on your mind. NC is NC and for her to send a written card to you just pours salt in your wounds.
Author JustJoe Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Jthorne, I was with another woman, last night, and it was..... fine. She's a little slutty, but I think that was just what the doctor ordered. No strings sex. So now I get this card, and I'm missing her (ex) a lot. I put the card in my scrap book, but I won't bite on the implied invitation. LD, I've been NC with her, but she has tried several times to get me to take her back, Calls (not answered), texts (not answered) and e-mails (blocked). I guess I'm just mad at myself for being affected as much as I am.
Hazyhead Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Oh my God! What is the point in telling you this? That really cannot help you, and she probably knows this; she's stuck in her situation so she's trying her best to keep you stuck as well I reckon. I'd throw it out, as much as it might hurt to do so, if you sent it back, in a way, that breaks NC, but by throwing it out she has no idea of your reaction. I'm sorry Joe. Hmm... what about sending it to her husband. I'm just kidding... mostly.
ladydesigner Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I guess I'm just mad at myself for being affected as much as I am. I think anyone in this situation, myself included, would be affected by any contact made by the XAP. Just keep moving forward. I think if it were my letter I would have a ceremonial burning:D Keep strong
jthorne Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Jthorne, I was with another woman, last night, and it was..... fine. She's a little slutty, but I think that was just what the doctor ordered. No strings sex. So now I get this card, and I'm missing her (ex) a lot. I put the card in my scrap book, but I won't bite on the implied invitation. LD, I've been NC with her, but she has tried several times to get me to take her back, Calls (not answered), texts (not answered) and e-mails (blocked). I guess I'm just mad at myself for being affected as much as I am.Well, I too, am sorry you're going through this. It was really selfish of her to send it. I just hope that one day you will be able to throw the card away without a second thought.
Author JustJoe Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Hazy, he knows she does this kind of stuff.. She has done it so many times , during the A, when I've broken up with her, that it wouldn't surprise him at all.
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Any chance of you changing your cell number? The harder it is for her to contact you, the better you'll feel. Block her email address, or close the account and open a new one. Yeah it's a pain to do, but it'll be worth it to able to open your email and not be concerned there's an email there, same goes with the texts and cell number.
Author JustJoe Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 WWIU, I've done this at least 3 times already, but somehow she always gets my new number. IDK how, but she does.
ladydesigner Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 WWIU, I've done this at least 3 times already, but somehow she always gets my new number. IDK how, but she does. Isn't that a bit stalkerish? I feel for you. I hope one day that she will be able to let go of her obsession of you. This will most likely become bothersome when you enter a new relationship with someone.
Author JustJoe Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 LD, make no mistake, I love her as much as I ever loved anyone, but I made the decision to move on. Why won't she? This has happened before. I've ended it with her, and she has even caught me with other women, but it doesn't seem to matter.
ladydesigner Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 LD, make no mistake, I love her as much as I ever loved anyone, but I made the decision to move on. Why won't she? This has happened before. I've ended it with her, and she has even caught me with other women, but it doesn't seem to matter. I believe she is unhappy in her marriage and feels stuck. YOU are the person who makes her feel better, that makes her marriage tolerable. I am sure she loves you as much as you love her, but it just isn't fair to keep the wounds fresh when you have clearly ended it. What if she continues to send letters? Are you going to read them?
Author JustJoe Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 IDK, I don't think so, but this one kind of took me by surprise. I had a great night, last night, and was having coffee with the Lady who spent the night with me and started opening my mail and just sort of..... did it. I know, stupid , huh!
Hazyhead Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 LD, make no mistake, I love her as much as I ever loved anyone, but I made the decision to move on. Why won't she? This has happened before. I've ended it with her, and she has even caught me with other women, but it doesn't seem to matter. Joe, I think it's because she's still in the marriage that doesn't fulfil her. YOU fulfilled her in ways her husband didn't, and by the sounds of it still doesn't, and now that you're gone she's left with the same gap in her life. It must pain her to know, or even just think that you might be, moving on. She hangs on to you with the hope that maybe she'll have you again someday. You do well to keep moving forward and not settle for less than you want/deserve.
Hazyhead Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Ooh, LD; you just said it all. Damn these wine-slowed down fingers!
joey66 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 LD, make no mistake, I love her as much as I ever loved anyone, but I made the decision to move on. Why won't she? Making the decision to move on, and actually moving on are two entirely different things. Maybe the question is, why can't she? (Part of me is inclined to say that, if you were able to move on, then you didn't really love her that much. That's just me. No offense intended. )
White Flower Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Making the decision to move on, and actually moving on are two entirely different things. Maybe the question is, why can't she? (Part of me is inclined to say that, if you were able to move on, then you didn't really love her that much. That's just me. No offense intended. )Or maybe she just didn't love him enough? When she said she was sorry for 'not being strong enough' I was thinking you should say, 'I'm sorry I'm not rich enough'. Really, for most OW, that is at the crux of the problem. He'll lose half his assets if he leaves and feels he won't pick it back up on our end so in effect we're in the same boat with you JustJoe. We're just not rich enough. Don't let her have the satisfaction of knowing you saved that card. She can drown her sorrows at Neiman Marcus or Nordies.
whichwayisup Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Making the decision to move on, and actually moving on are two entirely different things. Maybe the question is, why can't she? Because she never has had and still doesn't have any intention of leaving her marriage. She was/is OK with it being an affair. You aren't and she is now doing little tricks, pulling out the stops to see if you'll take the bait. Bet it won't be long before there's 'some emergency' and only you can help her with it. It'll be a douzy one so don't let her in no matter what. She doesn't want to let go and move on because she still has hope that you'll cave and come back to her. Time will take care of that, and ofcourse you sticking to NC. Eventually your silence will wake her up and she'll give up.
Author JustJoe Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Yeah, WF, If I were to show her H the card, he would just reach for his checkbook, buy her something nice, and she would go back to him. The pattern was set in stone, long before I knew her. WWIU, I agree that she will probably have some dramatic problem, that ONLY I can fix, thus paving the way for us to meet and she is hoping that testosterone will take it from there.
Thunderbolt Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 JustJoe, I know how you're feeling. I grew tired of my R with xMM and broke it off once and for all about 6 weeks ago after being on the roller coaster for nearly 3 years. I told him to leave me alone unless he made the choice to end his M to be with me and only me. About a week ago he sent me an email. In it, there was no mention of leaving his M. Being in NC is no picnic, but I've been able to push through and slowly but surely redirect my focus. When I got that email, it threw me for a loop and sent me back a few notches. I so wanted to respond because I missed him so bad but then I got grip and knew that if I did, I'd be back to square one. It royally sucks that they do this to us, especially when we specifically ask them to leave us alone. I should probably consider blocking some forms of communication so he can't get to me. This is so hard to do though because I still hold this shred of hope deep down in my soul. Hang in there Joe, you're not alone.
hopesndreams Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Just keep banging "slutty" women, she'll be outta your head in no time. So many "sluts", not enough time. Well, there ya go folks. No doubt another 5 pt infraction and then executed. And for what eh? I couldn't resist going into this thread and then getting p*ssed off! Too bad LS has the OW/OM forum. Otherwise, I'd still be around. Doubtful anyone would miss me anyway. Is that cheering I hear?
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