kellers4 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 My boyfriend will not answer my calls or texts for 4 days , why wont he even reply get lost. I cant get my head around this. we had a 6 month close relationship.
Agent Thomas Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 He just disappeared? Out of nowhere? No warning? Did you guys get in an argument or anything? If he seriously just disappeared and is missing, maybe I'd call the police
Author kellers4 Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 He just disappeared? Out of nowhere? No warning? Did you guys get in an argument or anything? If he seriously just disappeared and is missing, maybe I'd call the police we had a bit of an issue last week , I spoke to him on Friday and now he just wont respond. He has some problems with his family but completely ignoring me is just making me feel so bad. I have called and text so much I dont want to contact him anymore. I just even wish at this stage hed tell me to get lost , at least i would have some closure.
Agent Thomas Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Your best bet indeed then is to leave him be at this point. Or perhaps get closure the hard way by telling him "Thanks for disappearing and doing me a favor by showing me who you really are. Don't ever speak to me again". You can get your number changed for free if you have ATT or Verizon, just by bitching enough to their customer service. So consider that after you tell him to never speak to you again. I know it's easy to feel bad about yourself in this situation, but take a step back and look at it as if this was happening to someone else. You'd tell that person that they should feel glad instead of bad, because this guy is clearly just a selfish ass. If he cared/was worth it, he would have at least spoken to you. To just disappear after 6 months is plain weak. Plain and simple, weak.
Author kellers4 Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Your best bet indeed then is to leave him be at this point. Or perhaps get closure the hard way by telling him "Thanks for disappearing and doing me a favor by showing me who you really are. Don't ever speak to me again". You can get your number changed for free if you have ATT or Verizon, just by bitching enough to their customer service. So consider that after you tell him to never speak to you again. I know it's easy to feel bad about yourself in this situation, but take a step back and look at it as if this was happening to someone else. You'd tell that person that they should feel glad instead of bad, because this guy is clearly just a selfish ass. If he cared/was worth it, he would have at least spoken to you. To just disappear after 6 months is plain weak. Plain and simple, weak. I know thanks, I was just giving him the benefit of the doubt, I need to pull myself together now and cop on,
2sunny Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 he is telling you... with his actions. he's telling you he wants nothing to do with you. each and every time you try to contact - you are allowing him to confirm that he doesn't want to deal with you - at all. stop trying to reach him. show him that you can take a hint now.
skyking Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 (edited) The hurt of no response, and the realization that you have weak points, but you just have to find strength in the impossible sadness off being left on the hook. I'm in a similar situation. I was living with my guy for over a year and we are taking a break which I'm not sure of because lack of communication. The break which was his idea is a good one, I couldn't agree more. He was miserable with himself, and my trying to help was just a distraction from himself. When I didn't honor the break a month prior because I was so scared of the unknown he then after broke up with me a basically kicked me out of his house, but a few days later I spent one more month with him until I found a place and got on my feet. I told him over and over how sorry I was that I didn't take action right away, and that i knew now I really needed my space too because my life (not him) was and still is out of whack. This seperation from him hurts though, it's lonely no matter what, and i know because he has friends and family he is always on the go...I myself have nothing going for me because I lost touch with myself once I moved in with him. There is something comforting about to pursuit of finding someone to marry and have babies with, and forgetting about yourself to work on their problems and then pretend you have other peoples problems and no time to take care of your own But, after day one this break and no contact thing gets hard.. I've been trying to do the no contact thing, which has been close to impossible for me especially because I'm a stresser and impulsive. The night after i moved out I called him because he had some important stuff of mine and shockingly he answered and after i told him how great things were he said he'd meet me for dinner with my stuff, his idea! The next few days I stressed but I waited 2 days for him to call, finally i texted him...no response which hurt. I then felt tricked, like I feel for his charm allover again. The next day I called him and left a message, and then texted 3 times explaining that i wanted to respect his space because he asked for it and that regardless of if he really wanted to see me or not I just needed my stuff! And I was angered and asked him what would he do in that situation? Of course he wouldn't sit there twiddling his thumbs. So finally the next morning he responded straight forward and we met that night for dinner, he paid and hugged me and kissed me goodbye. I suggested doing something the following weekend, he wasn't willing to commit but he said to contact him later in the week. A day or 2 later I let my emotions get the better of me, I wanted to see him at some point that day..I messaged him over and over with no response. It hurt, made me angry and then impulsive and I dug myself into a hole. I imagine the worst things, that he's cheating...I wish I could go talk to him. I counted the number of messages I sent and I was disgusted with myself "13" and he didn't responde to one. The silent treatment from his passive agressive personality sucked me in deep. And I'm the one to blame and I just hope he'll forget and forgive me. This break thing has been difficult. My last and final of many messages was that I knew he saw my messages and that I needed to talk with him about boundaries in our break, and also make check-in times, because I can't bear to be left hanging...it's a terrible terrible feeling. I know he loves me deep down, but I lost myself in the relationship because I was constantly trying to make him happy and making him happy was what I thought made me happy, but it was impossible because no matter what I did he'd disaprove of something. So the best thing for me to do is keep strong, try my best not to contact him and see where that goes. I need to do the things I did before I met him minus the drinking and drinking and smoking and smoking. I took a walk today, to try and take my mind off of the hurt and confusion--finding yourself. I had bad thoughts and good thoughts on my walk. I am so hurt inside, I wish we could have just stepped back to how it was before I moved in. But I don't know where he is in it all. I know it would be wrong to stop by his house to talk and get a couple more of my things but damn. I'm so mad. I hope he comes around so we can fix this and concentrate on having good times with eachother. Edited April 13, 2010 by skyking
Cantcope Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 How are you now? Have you spoken to him? I too am impulsive and when stressed, I will go completely insane with texting. It's hard....it's like the more they pull away, the more needy you get, you know?
skyking Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 I will answer you, but I'm warning I need a vent a little. He hasn't called me or anything. I haven't contacted him at all. I've been trying really hard to snap out of the sadness from it, but I find it impossible. It's a really deep sadness, like nothing I've felt before. I've been through a lot of break ups but this ones the hardest. I've cried off and on every day since I can remember. I've been trying to do things to keep my mind off of it all, I've been trying to make friends, meet new men to date, I even went to church on Sunday which I never ever do. I had a breakdown yesterday, I locked myself out of my new apartment and I became frantic. The only other person that holds a key besides my landlord is my guy. I wanted to get the key back when I saw him Friday before last but I thought we still had a chance and I was weak so I didn't say anything. When my landlord came to unlock my door I had been crying, he asked if I was ok and I just answered that I was very emotional. I've gone out drinking a lot, I've made connections with people. But it is always the same story as soon as I leave. This deep deep sadness. I'm so angry at him for doing this to me, for his broken promises and his delibrate acts to hurt me. I'm also pissed because I have some of his things that take up a ton of my space, and he still has some of my stuff of extreme sentimental value, belongings of my dead father. I want my stuff, I want his crap outta my place because I need the space. But, I'm respecting him. I'm giving him full blown space, break, break up--whatever the hell he wants. I do want him back so much. I want to start over. We rushed in so quick, I was such a fool but I hated where I lived at the time and I thought he and I would be for good. If he would only open up and face his passive aggressive tendancies for a while we could start over and try again, I could try to help him realize how holding in his anger isn't good him or anyone he is in a relationship with. I don't want to wait for him. I'm fearful that he'll find a new girl if he hasn't already. And my feelings and fears go on and on. I guess I'm just trying to go on with me life. I don't deserve to be treated this way, I'm a very sweet and special person. My doors are open for a new relationship, or to give him another chance. The hardest thing is not going over to his house to get my stuff and give his back. I do want to respect his space. But, it seems unfair, he has this veiled advantage over me. If I were to call him to say hey I need the rest of my stuff and grab yours! Or to just stop by his house and do it, it would show to him that I'm weak, and he would probably tell his guy friends I'm a psyco stalker or something. As for the chance of getting back together...I want to give him a full load of what he asked for the chances that maybe we'll work things out.
D-Lish Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Your best bet indeed then is to leave him be at this point. Or perhaps get closure the hard way by telling him "Thanks for disappearing and doing me a favor by showing me who you really are. Don't ever speak to me again". ^^^ This. But it's only effective if you follow through. Not sure why you are chasing after him with the calls and texts. If a guy disappears on you like this knowing how much distress it causes you, he isn't worth chasing after. What he is doing is punishing you. He knows you are stressing like crazy as evident by your constant texts and calls, and he is remaining silent on purpose. That shouldn't sit well with you. I bet if you tell him you are done and enough is enough, then follow through with a silent treatment of your own, he'll magically appear sooner rather than later. You should ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want for yourself. If a guy did this to me after 6 months, I'd thank him for letting me know how much of a douchebag he is and move on.
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