edith Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I asked a question last week about my husband, who had sent hundreds of sex emails to a woman he used to work with, and it had been happening since December 2008. I asked if his inability to stay away from her, always being the one who initiated contact, meant that he had feelings for her. I found more emails - from yesterday. At one point, he says "You're so cute...." (when she makes a joke) and then tells her how beautiful she is and how her make-up and everything is always so perfect. They then move on to talk about sex and he offers to go meet her wherever she has an appointment, saying they can do it in the parking lot if she doesn't have the time, he just needs to see her... I am heartbroken. Do you still think that he has feelings for her, based on what he said, or that it's just sex, since that's what they ended up discussing?? (They have scheduled to do it for the first time next week). He also tells her "Do you know how many times I have j****d off thinking of you?? HUNDREDS..." It's like he never stops thinking about her. BUT, he ended up apologizing profusely to her for not seeing her last time, and that is so unlike him... I sense a new emotional tone in his messages and am wondering if these new developments are proof of his emotional ties to her. What's your take on it? Yes, I am planning to leave him.
Lizzie60 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Instead of obsessing about his A.. maybe you should concentrate on moving on... and planning your leave...
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Why why WHY are you still there? why are you doing this to yourself? don't you deserve to be happy? no one deserves to feel the pain you are facing right now...leave his ass!
CarrieT Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Why did you have to create a whole new profile to ask the same question you asked before when you KNOW the answer? You have the proof and why are you still with him with his cheating?
Author edith Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 I just want to know if he has feelings for her... That has nothing to do with leaving him. I was already leaving him because of the planned sex.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Not sure if he has feelings for her..it sounds more like an obsession than anything. how long has this been going on and has he cheated on you before?
Snowflower Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I just want to know if he has feelings for her... That has nothing to do with leaving him. I was already leaving him because of the planned sex. No one except your husband can answer this question for you. No one here can tell you what your husband is thinking of feeling. Have you asked him? Honestly though, what is the point of even wondering what he is thinking? You are leaving him because of the sex part. Completely understandable. Let's suppose your husband didn't have feelings for this woman (who knows for sure). What would you do then?
Owl Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I'd like to echo what Snowflower said, as I think its really where you need to focus. You can ask him what he's thinking/feeling, if you're really, really curious about it. But in the end, your best bet is to shift your focus off of that, and focus instead on the process of seperating/divorcing/building your own life. No value in spending time worrying about him any longer.
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Husband is back in touch with the other woman? YES! You've found recent emails? If so, then your H IS back intouch with the OW. What are you going to do about it? Don't you have enough proof between the emails and your gut? You ask your H what is going on, if he's talking to her, he's going to say no.. Make a decision on how you're going to handle this, make a plan and put it into action. To sit and do nothing, let this continue to happen will eventually drive you crazy! Take control back.
John Who Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I asked a question last week about my husband, who had sent hundreds of sex emails to a woman he used to work with, and it had been happening since December 2008. I asked if his inability to stay away from her, always being the one who initiated contact, meant that he had feelings for her. I found more emails - from yesterday. At one point, he says "You're so cute...." (when she makes a joke) and then tells her how beautiful she is and how her make-up and everything is always so perfect. They then move on to talk about sex and he offers to go meet her wherever she has an appointment, saying they can do it in the parking lot if she doesn't have the time, he just needs to see her... I am heartbroken. Do you still think that he has feelings for her, based on what he said, or that it's just sex, since that's what they ended up discussing?? (They have scheduled to do it for the first time next week). He also tells her "Do you know how many times I have j****d off thinking of you?? HUNDREDS..." It's like he never stops thinking about her. BUT, he ended up apologizing profusely to her for not seeing her last time, and that is so unlike him... I sense a new emotional tone in his messages and am wondering if these new developments are proof of his emotional ties to her. What's your take on it? Yes, I am planning to leave him. Sounds like he just wants sex,kinda like he's been getting a little taste here and there like touching,sex talk,kissing and can't wait for the full reall deal. Doesnt mean he loves her and wants to marry her.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Honey, I hope you are going to show up for their little meeting! Heck, make it a party, invite his mom, pastor, boss, grandma, her family as well. Yep, you need to get over this fool but its never THAT easy. I'm sorry for your pain and the position you've been put in. Its hard to even think straight when dealing with something like this...much less just to get over it. Atleast, have some at his expense! Surely you have atleast one friend who is a kind of devious person. Enlist their help and have a field day at their little meeting. Wait til they are going strong and toss a long strand firecrackers under the car. Make the best of a bad situation, and don't forget to video it. 1
Lizzie60 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I just want to know if he has feelings for her... That has nothing to do with leaving him. I was already leaving him because of the planned sex. Yes he does have feelings for her.. otherwise he wouldn't bother texting her so much and wouldn't bother meeting her again...
John Who Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Yes he does have feelings for her.. otherwise he wouldn't bother texting her so much and wouldn't bother meeting her again... I think he has sexual feelings for her that for sure,sexual feelings is completely different than caring feelings.
Lizzie60 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I think he has sexual feelings for her that for sure,sexual feelings is completely different than caring feelings. NO ONE.. except this guy knows the extent of his 'feelings'.. sorry.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Do you still think that he has feelings for her, based on what he said, or that it's just sex I think it is both, in varying degrees at different times depending on how horny he is.
stillafool Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Ok edith, One more time... A man does NOT send 500 emails to a woman he does not have feelings for. A man does NOT tell a woman how "perfect" her makeup is and how "cute" her jokes are if he just wants sex. If it were just sex, he'd tell her she was hot and leave it at that. Again, a man that is just interested in sex does NOT ask a woman about her children. A man interested in just sex couldn't give a rat's a$$ about her children, he'd only be interested in how to get rid of them so they could do the dirty deed. So- it's not just about sex. But how emotionally involved he is, we can't read his mind or his heart. You could ask him, but I doubt he'd tell you the truth. Edith, STOP doing this to yourself. Do you want us to tell you that no way he has feeling for her, he loves you it's just he has a problem? Or maybe this woman has some sort of spell over him? I can't tell you that. I can tell you that this guy is cheating on you, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. Please focus your energies on making a new life for yourself, not on how bad this guy is betraying you. Amen! Edith you can bet it all that he definitely still has very, very strong feelings for her. I would say your husband is obsessed with her. I wouldn't spend one more second worrying about the two of them. Let her have him since she already does. I hope you are on your way out the door as we speak.
Woman In Blue Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 They then move on to talk about sex and he offers to go meet her wherever she has an appointment, saying they can do it in the parking lot if she doesn't have the time, he just needs to see her... Good God - what is he, a hormonal teenager looking for a place to happen? He's pathetic. He also tells her "Do you know how many times I have j****d off thinking of you?? HUNDREDS..." It's like he never stops thinking about her. Sounds as though she's some kind of sexual fantasy to him. I wouldn't call it love - lust would be a better word for it. He's pitifully obsessed with her sexually. What's your take on it? Yes, I am planning to leave him. Smart thinking. One day he'll realize what a moron he is.
stillafool Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I think he has sexual feelings for her that for sure,sexual feelings is completely different than caring feelings. I'm sorry but the remark he made about her makeup tells me this guy is completely obsessed with her. If it was just sex he would be thinking about her breasts, legs, butt. He has been daydreaming about her face!
John Who Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I'm sorry but the remark he made about her makeup tells me this guy is completely obsessed with her. If it was just sex he would be thinking about her breasts, legs, butt. He has been daydreaming about her face! He is luring her in giving her compliments example I love your make up,im dreaming of you etc,etc,etc. I too have said these things does not mean I was in love with the girl or obsessed. Does he want to bang? Hell yeah he sounds very anxious to get in her pants,but he does not sound like a love sick man only thing he is obsessed about is getting her in bed,or the parking lot as he suggested.
John Who Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 NO ONE.. except this guy knows the extent of his 'feelings'.. sorry. EXACTLY my thoughts,I was only saying what I think,you my dear flat out said YES he has feelings for her.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 He's cheating! Regardless of how he truly feels about her, what is certain is that he doesn't have respect for you!
MizzBlue72 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Yep - cheating, you have the proof. Now - stop and focus on you. Don't snoop anymore. It's just going to drive you insane. Move out and move on.
Author edith Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 (edited) Thank you so much to everyone who answered. I also don't believe it's only about sex for him - mainly because, they haven't even had sex yet and it's been 1 1/2 years. But here are other things he has done, I believe these prove everyone's point, especially JT's (and thank you in particular for your no-nonsense answers. They have been very important in helping me make up my mind about this. I don't know you but you seem very plausible.): Exchanges over 500 emails with another married woman, all about sex Keeps talking about what a great dad he is Keeps telling her what a beautiful child she has, praising her What a perfect wife she is, who sets the standards for every other woman he knows What a lucky man her husband is Goes out of his way to email her and see how she is, feeling insecure about her response Months later, when she doesn't reply warmly, emails again baiting her with topics that would get her to write back (like how fast her child was growing) Tells her to keep in touch, because she doesn't work there anymore Tells her he REALLY hoped she was doing well too, when all she said was she hoped he was Asks her to call him because he'd love to chat and was really looking forward to talking with her When she didn't and asked him to call and speak to her husband, he did (to save her) She finally goes to the office, he keeps talking about his kids again, how much he loves them and spoils them, showing off his fatherly skills He asks her to come into his office and close the door He touches her She says no and promises to come back He accepts and is disappointed, but tries his best to ensure she comes back They talk about their families He asks her to call him during the week so they can talk and they email when he's at work, telling her that the date they scheduled "can't get here fast enough" He's always the one initiating contact and tells her how much he "really needs to see her" Asked about her husband, wanting to know what their marriage was like I do intend to confront him, I just have so much to do before he finds out that I know, that I probably won't have time before they have sex next week. And I know that's bad because people have told me that if men have any feelings for a woman, sex only enhances them, especially if she's as good as he thinks she is. Thank you all, these posts have been such eye-openers. Edited April 14, 2010 by edith
QueenVictoria Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 hi edith, you could check his emails after the planned sex --could be very telling
Recommended Posts