confused_in_love Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Met the "love of my life".. He is perfect for me in every way except a major one... He is married.. Convinced me that his marriage is only of convienience and that in time as he deals with HIS trust issues and we grow closer that he will leave the marriage.. He is so honest about everything and his actions back up his words but the nagging thought that if he could do this to his wife ( they went through counseling and all that jazz to no avail) then he will do it to me.. I know the realities, I have never been in this position, would have never in my life thought to cross that line.. but he came along and now I am in an utter state of confusion!! I will probably get a lot of hate responses as technically, I am the other woman but the stigmatism surrounding it is so not me!! I was single, no dating, no nothing when he came into my life and I wasn't even looking to get involved.. it was a force beyond my control.. The lust factor does not even apply here, Yes I do find him attractive but it goes so much deeper than that... I put his happiness above my own without thought or question and he makes me want to be better in every aspect of my life... I dont really know what in the hell I am asking here.. All I know is that I am no good at this other woman thing, I know I am better than to settle for this title and a few stolen moments but the knowledge of feeling a love like I have never in my life felt with him and the what if I let go and suffer the pain it will bring, only to find out he is not part of the odds and he is genuinley for real ....
whichwayisup Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 He's married. He isn't the "one" for you as he's taken already.. Listen to your gut. He is LYING, DECEIVING, running around behind his wife's back, having an affair with you. Why wouldn't he omit truths, exaggerate and/or lie to you? He has two women meeting his needs..Selfishly. A wife at home, the house, the lifestyle.. Has his friends, family, inlaws, extended family, the works .. And he has YOU on the side for his selfish reasons. He may have feelings for you, probably cares about you, but he is NOT going to divorce his wife. It's an affair to him, to you, you're in love and want a life with him. The choice is yours. Stay and be the OW, continue to feel more confused, feel hurt, ride the rollercoaster of being in an affair .. Or END IT. Tell him you can no longer do this to yourself, settle to be second best, see him and be there for him on HIS terms. Go read in the OW/OM section. See what's going to happen to you if you choose to stay in the affair.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 "A man who marries his mistress is only creating an opening for the position" The feelings you have are surely great, and you cannot imagine having them for someone else down the road. It remains true that the best thing for the big picture that is your life, would be to boldly coerce yourself away from this married trainwreck and simultaneously avail yourself to men who are not proven cheaters. Life's too short...
Template Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 This whole thing speaks of wrong, and I think you know this instinctively or you wouldn't come here for some justification. Simple truth of the matter is, he's cheating on his wife, maybe not physically, but emotionally, and some would say that is the more devious type of cheating. He is currently doing this his wife - that means he is the type of person to deceive and cheat on you. It's in his character. The more you accept this, the easier it will be. Now here's the comforting part. You are not alone. I have met my fair share of women that always falls for the married guy. I KNOW of guys that put on fake wedding rings to pick up women. For some odd reason, a lot (not all) of women are attracted to guys they cannot or shouldn't have. (I'd say the same things about guys, but let's be honest, we are dogs looking to hump, not start a relationship). These same women morally know that it was wrong to try to get involved in the first place, and when the jerk dumps them, uses them, or goes back to their wives, they, or you, are left holding a bag of questions - "How could he..", "He said he... ", "But I did this..." etc. You've been played, simple as that. You knew better, and yet you disregarded it, for whatever reason you found justifiable. THEN.. and here's my favorite part.... take this emotional baggage, and inflict it on the next poor soul. You cannot really trust anyone anymore, etc. etc. Yeah.. I personally have been on that end of the stick many times. I personally haven't done anything wrong, yet, I'm paying for the sins of someone else. Life isn't fair (and no one ever said it was). If this guys is really all that, then he's worth waiting for. Be respectful to yourself, and the other woman, and let him goes the process of a divorce, if that's what it really comes down to for him. And, allow him to heal, find himself, what he really wants in life. Maybe it'll take a year, maybe 2, maybe 10. Do not get involved in a relationship with him until then. Now ask yourself this - is he willing to do that for YOU?!
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