Gemmi Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm here looking for some advice as I think my close friends have just about had it with me, i'll try to keep it simple. I'm 30 and up until Sept I was in a relationship with a man who is 45 for 6 years, we are both in very proffessional jobs and both independant people. From the start I fell head ove heels in love with him but in 6 years we did not live tohether (his choice) talk of marriage etc, throughout the relationship he was jealous, controlling and very insecure, stating to me that he would never trust me as you cant trust anyone. To clarify I never ever cheated on him nor was I ever interested in anyone else, but over the years I rarely saw friends, changed how I dressed and NEVER socialized with people from work, he still remained the same but it seemed our relationship was going no where as he stated he loved me but but had no intention of settling down. After long consideration and heartache I decided to end the relationship as I couldnt take the jealousy along with the no commitment factor, I just didnt understand it! He made no attempt to argue about this and made me feel the last 6 years was a fake. Everyday was a struggle and no longer being controlled was hard to cope with (strange I know) I started going out all the time, doing the usual drinking to much etc but still missed him all the time, anyway it came to light that he had been watching me, driving up my road in the early hours and seeing who was at my house! In the meantime I became quite good friends with a man at work who was there for me through the split. On Xmas night this other man came over to see me as I was so down he ended up staying over, yes in my bed but I know this sounds stupid but nothing happened, he just listened to me etc, anyway when we left for work early hours on Boxing day my ex was waiting outside the house, accused me of having a long blown affair with this guy (we had now been over 3 months) it all kicked off and my job became involved it was a total mess, I also ended my friendship with this other guy. On Jan the 18th, I spoke to my ex on the phone and although we were both upset, we still loved eachother and decided to give it another go, but he throws this other guy in my face at every opportunity and constantly checks up on me with my phone etc, he feels I cheated even though we were over when I was friends with this other guy, we love eachother so much and now he is offering marriage the lot but says he will never tust me and will always feel the need to check up on me, Please help, any advice will be truly appreciated, has it gone to far? Councelling didn't help, he said he cant get over what happened ehen we split up but loves me and want us???!!! Am I clinging onto something that wont ever last?
Rorschach Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Yes, yes you are, this guy sounds no good, especially that he was basically stalking you, I can understand that you probably feel he's right to at least some extent and you feel guilty about letting that guy stay over. But just drop this guy, he's no good for you.
Author Gemmi Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 So why is it that i read your words and know your right but feels so difficult in letting go.....arrrrgggh (pulling my hair out) Thanks for your advice
Template Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 You've been together for 6 years, and really didn't make a commitment like marriage, or at least a proposal? I've know couples that dated, got married, had kids, and divorced in that time frame. It's not for everyone. Let's do this, re-read your own post, and pretend it's a fake name instead of you posting, what would your advice be. Truth be told, this dude sounds psychotic, and you probably know this, but love is based on trust. There is no trust in this relationship, whether it was justified or not. If you have to walk on egg shells, and cannot be yourself, how is this healthy? I hate to see anybody being treated this way, and we all have choices. If you decide to stay with this person, there really isn't anyone to blame when it all goes to hell in a hand basket. You can't even blame HIM. I hope you thoroughly think this over, and come to the best outcome for you. Keep us informed.
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