phoenix1 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Has anybody else had this happen to them? This is the second time where I have had some non-committal man end a long relationship, and then almost right away, get with someone new and, voila! They're in a relationship. And then they are moving in together, getting married, having a kid etc. Someone else is living the life that was supposed to be yours. I am attractive, intelligent and have been told that I have a lot to bring to a relationship...yet I'm never the one. I'm determined to spend time by myself until I can figure out why this keeps happening to me. It's just too devastating to my self esteem, to be never be good enough. I mostly want to hear from others this has happened to, but anyone, let's hear it. Oh, and can I just add that both times we broke in the end of our relationship, he was the one that came around, begging me to get back with him. I was moving on....if he knew I, say, wasn't "the one", why not just stay away. I really wish he would have.
Tamia78 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Has anybody else had this happen to them? This is the second time where I have had some non-committal man end a long relationship, and then almost right away, get with someone new and, voila! They're in a relationship. And then they are moving in together, getting married, having a kid etc. Someone else is living the life that was supposed to be yours. I am attractive, intelligent and have been told that I have a lot to bring to a relationship...yet I'm never the one. I'm determined to spend time by myself until I can figure out why this keeps happening to me. It's just too devastating to my self esteem, to be never be good enough. I mostly want to hear from others this has happened to, but anyone, let's hear it. Oh, and can I just add that both times we broke in the end of our relationship, he was the one that came around, begging me to get back with him. I was moving on....if he knew I, say, wasn't "the one", why not just stay away. I really wish he would have. I had to check and make sure I didn't write this. I'm with you, sister! I have been told I am attractive, intelligent, I have a career, a house, a decent car........yet men don't find that attractive in the least. I'm not without my faults, but as time goes by, I am happy to say that those faults are becoming less and less with every relationship. I have to believe that sometimes, it's the men I date who have the problem. My last relationships were about the same: The guy would pretty much profess his love for me early in the relationship, talk about marriage, kids, a future together, then out of nowhere dump me, claiming that he "just wasn't ready" or citing other supposed problems that I had. And like you, they would call eventually, saying they made a mistake, and sadly, I actualy went back to one of them, with the very same results. To me, I think the reason they are jumping into a new relationship with someone else is because they are all excited about this new person being "different" than you. So far, this new person doesn't have the qualities that they didn't like about you..........yet. So they get all excited. Just my two cents, you have an excellent way of looking at it all. I need to adopt your attitude. --T
mickleb Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Look at it this way: you've TWICE managed to avoid shacking up with a loser! I'd call that GOLD. x
This Hurts Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Well, I feel I'm too young to be getting married and have kids, but I know how you feel. I feel I'm a good person. I love volunteering, I love any good cause; anything and everything of that nature. I keep every promise I can and I NEVER, and I mean NEVER leave people. Friends, family, and even my ex. I'm probably the most dedicated person you'll ever meet. I have friends who I'm there for when they're going through some sh*t, then they get better, abandon me, and then come back when something else has happened. I don't reject them. I try my hardest to understand, and I let them come back and help them. Like you, this has happened before with my ex. Last spring she also left me (manic episode; she has bipolar disorder), and we stopped talking for a couple of months, she came back and I took her. A long time ago when we would argue and I would say, "I don't know if I can do this anymore," she would cry and tell me that she knew she was going to lose me because of her condition. I had sort of an epiphany then and thought I wouldn't want someone to leave me if I was ill and I loved her unconditionally, so I promised her I would never leave her because of her disorder. I have kept my promise to this day. She's lied to me about going out with her friends, cheated on me multiple times, and she was promiscuous the couple of months we weren't talking last year. I have forgiven her for everything, justifying it all with her disorder, and taken her back. I now realize, after 3.5+ years of being with her (or better said, WASTED with her), that I can't justify her actions with her disorder. When people with any mental disorder lead good lives, it's because they control their disorder. It's the other way around with my ex; her disorder controls her. And there's nothing I can do about it. I don't deserve what she's done to me. I have been faithful the whole time I've been with her and I have been nothing less than completely devoted. I wasted time, energy, and love on someone who didn't deserve it AT ALL. Like you, I always felt I wasn't good enough. I don't think anybody will ever understand everything I did for this girl and all the sacrifices I made. And she still put me through all that sh*t... so yeah it was inevitable for me to think, "Is anything I do ever good enough? Will I ever be good enough?" It killed me. It killed my self-esteem. I guess my problem—and maybe yours, too—is that I'm too nice. We let people walk all over us and we continue to give them our all, so when they f*ck us over again, we don't think we're good enough. Just my point of view. And I apologize that this turned out to be more of an unorganized rant.
romer Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I could have started this thread. I am also everything you described, and after 1.5 years he started dating within a couple of weeks after our split. I would have thought he'd picked someone he met at the gym, someone young, blonde, built, etc. However, the gold medalist in my situation looks like Roseanne Barr in She-Devil (No kidding). And used to be a crack addict. Go figure.
DramaFree Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I could've written this myself. I sometimes wonder if successful women scare men or they feel more secure when they date or marry downward. Look at it this way he is the Loser and he ends up with the bronze.
CaliGuy Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Look at it this way: you've TWICE managed to avoid shacking up with a loser! I'd call that GOLD. x Bingo! Be glad that you don't end up with losers and have a chance to find the RIGHT person. At 41, I don't care about shacking up with a loser. It's GOLD or nothing for me
nobmagnet Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I agree! Gold for you lovie :love::love: Dodged two bullets honey........you should be in the marines! Nobby xx
EmperorR Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I've been cheated on 3 times in a row, been given a STD and had a ex do a abortion behind my back all in the past two years fml
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