Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 I guess it is true that i don't notice the posts where men are the ones who are doing wrong. A misandrist would probably look at this board and see the opposite. I do have a skewed perspective and that is why I have finally decided to seek counseling.
Crazy Magnet Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 My wife and I are moving slowly back together after years of separation. When I move back into the house, my time here will end. Good for you. I've recently been thinking my time at LS might end. I'm in a great relationship that's going strong and I really have no need for it anymore. I like to keep up with some of the regulars posts to see how their search for love is going. But for me, I've found mine and I'm done looking. Maybe I'll pop back up if I ever need to post in the Getting Married thread. Woggle, have you ever considered going through this forum and specifically trying to identify men who treat women horrible and read some of their stuff. I mean really sit down and look at it. This may offer a whole new perspective for you.
soserious1 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Woggle , so what's the deal? your thread on this very topic gets locked down in the marriage forum so you come set up camp here among the dating/single people's forum?
quankanne Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 you just learn to tune out other people's drama after awhile, because it has nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship. Sometimes you come across situations that parallel your lives, and thats when you really have to work at remembering, you and he (or she) are something incredibly unique that can't be replicated. and you learn to count your blessings: For me, it's seeing how loving and caring my husband has been toward my family when he really doesn't have to be. I trusted him completely when he cared for my parents when they were dying, and when my sister asks for him to stay with her because she's sick and the phone company is being shxtty about letting her husband take time off and she needs someone there while he's gone.
xxoo Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I do have a skewed perspective and that is why I have finally decided to seek counseling. Happy to hear that!
Author Woggle Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 Thanks people. It gets very discouraging sometimes when I see these things. I have told you about the two women I work with plus what I hear others say. Another thing is that most of my male friends come to me when going through relationship drama. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I am one of the few people that don't blame them for everything. Cheaters, abusers and other men who mistreat women deserve everything they get but it angers and deppresses me to see so many good men getting royally screwed when all they did was give women what they claim to want. It seems that men these days are damned if we do and damned if we don't. Treat women like toys and we are jerks who don't respect but actually respect women and treat them like human beings and we get played and told that we deserve it because it is payback for how men treat women. It seems that as a man I can't do anything right in the eyes of women. Much of my issues stem from a fear of ending up like the men that go to me for advice or ending up like the husbands of the women at work I keep talking about. It is something that I see over and over again. I believe the women on here who say they are happy in their relationships but I do notice that in the happy relationship threads it is always the same few people every time while there are tons of women on here posting about their affairs or how they fell out of love with their men or god knows what else. It is very discouraging to a man hoping that there is at least one woman who is not some misandrist and can appreciate a good man. I am not asking that any woman to agree with me but for those who do not hate men is it too much to ask that you at least understand why myself and men like me feel the way we do? Can you at least understand where this comes from?
xxoo Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I believe the women on here who say they are happy in their relationships but I do notice that in the happy relationship threads it is always the same few people every time while there are tons of women on here posting about their affairs or how they fell out of love with their men or god knows what else. It is very discouraging to a man hoping that there is at least one woman who is not some misandrist and can appreciate a good man. I am not asking that any woman to agree with me but for those who do not hate men is it too much to ask that you at least understand why myself and men like me feel the way we do? Can you at least understand where this comes from? I can understand where your fears are coming from, but it is coming from a place of warped reality. Loveshack is warped reality. These women you know are warped, period. Do you honestly have no better relationship examples in your life? No long, successful marriages in your family, no happily married friends or neighbors, no positive role models at all? Because it sounds almost impossible, and likely that you are focusing on the relationship examples that confirm your beliefs. It's time to walk in the direction of peace and health. That means walking AWAY from situations and people who bring you down. Change the subject and walk away from those horrid women. Tell your buddies they need to find another sounding board, because you are dealing with your own issues. Get off Loveshack. When you have a negative thought (obsessive thoughts?), replace it with a positive thought. Choose a mantra, and use it. And find a good counselor!
allina Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 It does impact me, Woggle. It makes me realize how much luckier I am than the others. It also gives examples of the kind of relationship to avoid. What it does NOT do is tell me that ALL men are this or ALL women are that. Ditto. Also, I really trust myself and my judgement. I value myself a lot and have never allowed anyone to mistreat me or degrade me, so I don't feel jaded and bitter. Of course I have had relationships fail. The ex I dated before my fiance broke up with me because he didn't see me as the one and didn't feel in love with me. I was hurt but was able to see that although he didn't want to be with me anymore he did treat me with kindness and respect while things lasted, and that some times these things just don't work out. I KNOW that my fiance loves me unconditionally and I feel very secure with what we have. We respect and enjoy each other. We work. We're happy. I'm aware of the fact that there are unhappy couples out there, I know people cheat and marriages breakup. But I also see the ridicules decisions people make in love and relationships. Not to be a bitch but I often see relationships, both here and irl and I just know it's going to be a big mess and failure.
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 I am not asking that any woman to agree with me but for those who do not hate men is it too much to ask that you at least understand why myself and men like me feel the way we do? Can you at least understand where this comes from?No. There are a lot of crappy men and women in this world, so why pinpoint by gender? For that matter, most people only see their side of the story so why would you judge women based on the one-sided tales told by your friends? Also, if the stories are true, what does it say about your friends? To me it says they have crappy people pickers, if they always end up with horrific women.
sally4sara Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 It also suggests you gravitate to people who provide proof for your view of reality. If they didn't, would find yourself at ease around them? Or would you just silently think them to be fools?
Author Woggle Posted April 15, 2010 Author Posted April 15, 2010 It also suggests you gravitate to people who provide proof for your view of reality. If they didn't, would find yourself at ease around them? Or would you just silently think them to be fools? I do have friends in happy relationships but they are rare and I still hang around them. They are the ones who give me hope.
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