Woggle Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 How do you look at the misery the people around you go through and look at some of the threads on here without it affecting your relationships? I know I have accused some people of lying about how they love their SO and I do apologize about that but I must admit there are times when I have a hard time believing any woman truly loves her man. This is completely unfair but that is how I see things sometimes. When I read threads like the ones I posted in my other thread I just become so cynical and mistrusting of the opposite sex in general. I am not making up or exaggerating the things I witness in my life that make me so cynical. I have tons of other stories as well and I become determined to not end up like these men. I will not be that doormat that bends over backwards for somebody that couldn't care less about betraying me. In short what I ask is how do you keep the drama that you see elsewhere from impacting you view your own relationship?
threebyfate Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 All I'm going to say is that I love and adore my husband. He's a man worthy of my utmost respect and trust. You can believe it or not. If you don't, it's no skin off my nose.
Author Woggle Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 All I'm going to say is that I love and adore my husband. He's a man worthy of my utmost respect and trust. You can believe it or not. If you don't, it's no skin off my nose. I do believe it but how do you hear stories of not so good men without letting it affect things?
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 In short what I ask is how do you keep the drama that you see elsewhere from impacting you view your own relationship? I haven't been in a relationship since I broke up with my ex back in July, but I've dated a few girls since then, and I think all the lessons learned from the drama here have helped immensely. I don't think it of as being cynical, but moreso cautious. And in being so, I have saved myself much time and heartache by recognizing and preemptively removing myself from situations where I'd ultimately get hurt.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 How do you look at the misery the people around you go through and look at some of the threads on here without it affecting your relationships? Oh, it impacts mine alright, but not as you'd expect. It makes me appreciate him even more...
Crazy Magnet Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I don't have to hear a story about a crappy guy, I was married to one and have dated a few more. While my own personal experiences still have an affect on my relationship outlook other crappy men have no bearing on my life or my outlook. I don't sit around and obsess about how some men in the world perpetually treat women horribly. But I also cut drama out of my life right and left. Not so good men and women have no place in my circle of friends, so I leave them behind.
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 How do you look at the misery the people around you go through and look at some of the threads on here without it affecting your relationships? I know I have accused some people of lying about how they love their SO and I do apologize about that but I must admit there are times when I have a hard time believing any woman truly loves her man. This is completely unfair but that is how I see things sometimes. When I read threads like the ones I posted in my other thread I just become so cynical and mistrusting of the opposite sex in general. This makes me really sad. :[ You must have been burned badly if you feel this way. Honestly I try to stay away from this site sometimes because I'm worried that it could effect my relationship! Reading threads about cheating partners or unhappy marriages are not very inspiring for someone in a relationship so I should probably stay out! I love my boyfriend dearly and I certainly can't make some random stranger over the internet believe it, but I am sorry that you've had to go through the things you've been through. In my experience, women with opinions like the one you quoted in your last thread are in the minority, and should be avoided by all people, men and women alike.
Citizen Erased Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I do believe it but how do you hear stories of not so good men without letting it affect things? Because they're not the man we're with. You're inviting drama into your relationship if you let what is in other people's private lives to affect your own.
threebyfate Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I do believe it but how do you hear stories of not so good men without letting it affect things?Why would other men affect my marriage? I'm not married to those guys. And lest you've forgotten, this isn't my first marriage, except the first one wasn't a good guy. Do you know what he said to me tonight? He said "You're the woman I've been looking for all my life". It made me melt because he sincerely meant it. Now why would I allow any other jerk-off to affect the way I feel about a man like H.? Not a chance.
sweetjasmine Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Because they're not the man we're with. You're inviting drama into your relationship if you let what is in other people's private lives to affect your own. Why would other men affect my marriage? I'm not married to those guys. Yup to both. I don't view men as one big group and women as the opposing group. The only thing my SO has in common with a-holes described on here is the XY chromosome configuration. If a guy with dark hair posting on here is a complete jerk and a lying, cheating scumbag, I don't start panicking about my own relationship just because my SO happens to be a guy with dark hair, too.
xxoo Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I learned a long time ago not to imagine hypothetical situations where my partner cheats, or leaves, or whatever. When I was younger, I would sometimes participate in those conversations: "would you stay if he cheated", but it just upset me so much and made me pissed at him when he got home, lol, which is simply ridiculous because he isn't cheating! So I flat out stopped participating in those conversations, and told my girlfriends as much if/when it came up. I'm too sensitive to play that game and not be affected. How do I know my guy really loves me? I look at his actions. Yeah, I read about a lot of lousy husbands, but my H acts in ways that prioritizes me and the kids every single day. But really, it just comes down to me being an individual who is psychologically capable of trust and love. Your partner could do everything right, but you won't trust her if you have major trust issues. The perfect partner can't fix YOU. Only you, with the help of a counselor, can fix you. How I am affected by stories of really awful husbands? . It makes me appreciate him even more... Yep
VertexSquared Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 This is why I think bad relationships should be looked at as experience rather than "awful wastes of time." Good relationships early on teach us what we want, and bad ones can teach us what we absolutely do not want. Sometimes these things are empirical. That being said, any time I encounter someone that possess traits or qualities I dislike, I simply don't waste the time. I'm not going to date anyone who fails my dealbreakers (whereas in the past I was more forgiving). Some men/women out there are scum and will have traits you find atrocious to the extent that you wonder if all people think that way. By pure statistics alone, most people are about average, but they'll possess traits above and below the good/bad spectrum. Try not to fall victim to confirmation bias and only focus on bad people. You'll be ignoring all those scenarios out there where good people fall in love and live great lives. The only difference is that you may not hear about those cases nearly as often. People complain more than they do compliment. I think witnessing bad women/men when you're in a good relationship only creates a more palpable contrast and emphasizes how great your current partner really is. It doesn't necessarily have the opposite effect: "I wonder if my partner really thinks this way?" Like others have said, actions speak volumes.
In_Repair Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 How do you look at the misery the people around you go through and look at some of the threads on here without it affecting your relationships? In short what I ask is how do you keep the drama that you see elsewhere from impacting you view your own relationship? I don't. That's not such a bad thing though, if you really think about it. Just depends on how you apply it to your own life.
donnamaybe Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It does impact me, Woggle. It makes me realize how much luckier I am than the others. It also gives examples of the kind of relationship to avoid. What it does NOT do is tell me that ALL men are this or ALL women are that.
RobM Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Easy, the people here are not a typical cross section of the population, most of the general population that is happy are not here, I think the vast majority of people here are the ones that are having problems. Secondly, you're only hearing 1/2 the story here, it may not always be as bad as it made to sound. And finally I take what I read here and use it to try to avoid the same mistakes in my life.
lino Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I have to say that if I was in a happy relationship, I probably would stop visiting this website.
make me believe Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Usually when I read LS I just can't believe the BS that people are willing to put up with. It makes me appreciate my relationship and my boyfriend so much when I read some of the horror stories on here. You have to take each story individually, and not think that because some men/women on LS did such-and-such, that means all men/women will do that. I will admit that the marriage forum definitely freaks me out sometimes, though. It just seems like everyone in there is SO miserable, and I hate reading the threads about people who have "fallen in love" with their "soulmate" from the past and all of that ridiculous nonsense. But I trust my relationship and I trust that my boyfriend would never delude himself into thinking he'd "fallen in love" with some other girl just because we might have a rough patch or whatever. Sometimes the stories on here can lead to good conversations between us that really serve to ease my fears. Woggle, does your wife know this side of you that is so horribly mistrusting of ALL women? I can't imagine that you could keep it hidden from her since it seems to be such a huge part of your personality, but at the same time I can't imagine that a woman would knowingly get involved with that kind of severe baggage. Sorry if I'm out of line, it's just something I wonder sometimes when I read your posts.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I have to say that if I was in a happy relationship, I probably would stop visiting this website. It's hard to read sometimes, as I often feel like I'm just banging my head against a wall, watching people make the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over... Hence why I love the WC so much.
grogster Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 My wife and I are moving slowly back together after years of separation. When I move back into the house, my time here will end.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 When I move back into the house, my time here will end. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Els Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Woggle, I have a question for you. How do you go through all the threads about men cheating on their pregnant wives just because they don't get enough sex, or men hitting their wives, or men saying they love their gf one day and then leaving her without a word the next day... And not come to the conclusion that both genders have an equal number of jerks and it's just up to us to not be one ourselves and to choose someone who isn't one?
Pyro Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 How do you look at the misery the people around you go through and look at some of the threads on here without it affecting your relationships? I know I have accused some people of lying about how they love their SO and I do apologize about that but I must admit there are times when I have a hard time believing any woman truly loves her man. This is completely unfair but that is how I see things sometimes. When I read threads like the ones I posted in my other thread I just become so cynical and mistrusting of the opposite sex in general. I am not making up or exaggerating the things I witness in my life that make me so cynical. I have tons of other stories as well and I become determined to not end up like these men. I will not be that doormat that bends over backwards for somebody that couldn't care less about betraying me. In short what I ask is how do you keep the drama that you see elsewhere from impacting you view your own relationship? Just like a few others have said already, everyone is different. Woggle if your way of thinking was correct than I wouldn't be dating anyone ever again. I was cheated on by an ex five years ago, but every woman is different. Even if I were to ever get cheated on again, it was still worth it to go out there and find companionship and love, versus living in seclusion and being filled with hate and bitterness.
Disillusioned Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Woggle, You might really benefit from a Realdoll. I did, and let me tell you, I get more love from that 120 lb masterpiece of silicone rubber than I ever got from any woman.
sally4sara Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Woggle, I have a question for you. How do you go through all the threads about men cheating on their pregnant wives just because they don't get enough sex, or men hitting their wives, or men saying they love their gf one day and then leaving her without a word the next day... And not come to the conclusion that both genders have an equal number of jerks and it's just up to us to not be one ourselves and to choose someone who isn't one? This is the thing I wonder every time he says the relationships he knows about cause his belief that women hate men and can't be trusted. You know he can't explain it because there is no reason. Maybe therapy will help him start using logic.
torranceshipman Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Woggle, people come here when their romantic lives are a car crash. They self select (including yourself and myself when we first started posting) as people with R disasters going on, so lets face it, LS isn't going to be really representative of the happy couples out there I think this calls for a happy couple thread to cheer up Woggle... As for me, I can add my $0.2...I really love my boyfriend: I respect him, do what I can to make him happy, love his company, love how clever he is, think he has a great family, I also think he is very handsome, I enjoy the downtime when we are doing very little as well as the fun and glitzy stuff...I trust him, appreciate him....and before anyone says pass the sick bag, lol...I am trying to cheer up Woggle here! - and we've only been together just shy of a year so I appreciate this is early days but I can also say that I know I have met the one, so I hope that we are together for an extremely long time, and that I still can look at him (if I can still see) across the breakfast table when we are both old and grey
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