iwanttolive Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Hello, I'm not sure where I should place this thread. I appreciate your inputs. I just started work at a new office and I got close to this male colleague who came from the same hometown as me. We emailed each other frequently and always lunch together. The thing is there's no feelings involved between us. I'm engaged and he knew it from day 1 because he noticed my ring and asked. I'm not sure why he's been avoiding me for the past 2 days! He avoided eye contact, gave me a real short and to the point email reply, kept really quiet when we lunched together. Wtf? So now, even though we are not attracted to each other, I feel awkward facing him. How should I behave in front of him? If I talk to him, he makes it seem like I'm desperate to get his attention. I mean I don't want to lose a fun co-worker, especially since I'm new in this office Any input guys? Why is he behaving this way and how should I behave in front of him? Do I initiate anymore lunch?
Sevenscars Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Could something be wrong in his personal life? That's mostly the reason people socially withdraw. Try to see how he treats other workers, especially female ones, to judge whether he's treating you any differently. But don't stalk! If any situation with him feels awkward, you don't have to continue it. Lunch with someone else or on your own, and if he invites you, respectfully decline saying you've already eaten or something. But if you do want to continue having lunch with him, without feeling awkward, why not give him a little space? You know how relationships go, whether intimate, platonic, or friendly -- sometimes you get too close and need to back off for a bit. If your post is right on, and you're not attracted to each other and he's not trying to get over you, then something might be bugging him in his personal life and he may need a friend like you to help him out!
boogieboy Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Its his problem, not yours. If he avoids you, you just have to work around it. Just keep it business and dont worry about being friendly.
Author iwanttolive Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 I'm not attracted to him, I don't know about him. Clearly he's avoiding me. He went off for lunch with his usual group of friends and he did not ask me today
Author iwanttolive Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Just keep it business and dont worry about being friendly. I worry about being friendly! I'm afraid he thinks i'm interested in him or something and avoids me even more
boogieboy Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I'm not attracted to him, I don't know about him. Clearly he's avoiding me. He went off for lunch with his usual group of friends and he did not ask me today If youre not attracted to him, you dont need to be friends with him. Dont try to worry about someone who clearly doesnt want to be around you. Its your ego thats making you wonder why he is avoiding you, because you cant stand the thought of someone thinking you did something wrong. Stop worrying about it, not everyone has to like you. Not everyone needs to ask you to lunch. Youre engaged, you have the only person that needs to like you at home.
Author iwanttolive Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Its your ego thats making you wonder why he is avoiding you, because you cant stand the thought of someone thinking you did something wrong. Wow, spot-on. Yeah, I've this problem of feeling high when I get someone to like me...
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 well, you need to stop that bad habit immediately (getting high on others validating and accepting you).... this guy, if he wanted and played it right, could basically have you naked within a month... you probably dont believe me, but due to your need, almost desperate need of his validation, you are more than disturbed... you are wondering, you are now re-evaluating yourself and immediately thinking it must be you.... truth is... who the hell knows what his problem is... it could be a variety of things... ask him... or dont... but dont get bent over it... if he acts like a flake without an explanation... consider it weak character and just move on.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Well, from the amount of time I spent on here, I learned that no( single) guy would befriend a single girl unless he's attracted to her and wants something. The fact that you're unavailable makes the possibility of a male/female friendship more stable but he's still single isn't he? So maybe he suddenly started developing feelings for you. But every case is different and the fact that he's avoiding you isn't privy for you to wonder why because it's his problem and the only you really can do is say " oh well" and go on your way.
Bejita463 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Well, from the amount of time I spent on here, I learned that no( single) guy would befriend a single girl unless he's attracted to her and wants something. I don't befriend anyone with ulterior motives. I've had female friends who were never any more than friends, and I never wanted more. Just sayin', not ALL guys are like that. Though I do agree it does seem more are that way than are not by a significant margin.
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