Going through a very hard breakup. Any support would be amazing

[broken hearted girl]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm looking for some support, and I've been on here before, and it helped a lot.

 

I've had some terrible luck with guys in my life. I just went through an extremely painful breakup last summer.

I decided to do some traveling a few months after that breakup happened. Just to experience something different.

After my last breakup, I wasn't really looking for anything. Just travel, have fun.

I've been traveling since September (still am). And recently just started dating a guy that i met - who's also a traveler.

We had been together almost 3 months. It all moved very fast. Seeing eachother almost everyday. Him staying at mine, me at his. We just took a weekend trip together easter weekend. It was all amazing. Both excited to receive a text from eachother, a phone call, see eachother, even if we just parted ways 2 hours ago.

It all fell into place very easily.

And, sure, it was only 3 months, everyone says that. But i think its true that its not the length, its the quality of the relationship and the feelings that were there.

 

He broke up with me over the weekend. Saying that i deserve better, all he does is hurt me, all we do is fight. And it just doesn't feel right for him. He's knows in his heart that we're not good together and he can't ignore that feeling.

I tried talking to him. I felt so pathetic bcuz it felt like i was basically begging him to give us another shot. he said he has, he's given it 3 months.

there was nothing i could do or say to have him give our relationship another shot.

 

I'm having a crazy hard time dealing with this because, we didn't fight. It was amazing how good we were together.

There had been a few instances where he might do something, and i'd just say "you wouldn't like it if i did that." and hed be like "you're right!". and we'd be fine. or vice versa. we always said one of the things we loved about our relationship was if anything bother one of us, we'd just bring it up, right away, rationally, talk about it, and move on - which can be a difficult thing to find in relationships.

I see them as normal couple/relationship discussions. And then you're fine. It's all about getting to know eachother.

 

All in all, i just feel devastated. I don't understand.

No matter how hard other breakups have been, I always know that it's for the best because there are fundamental problems, or we weren't compatible.

and there's nothing i can do. he's made up his mind. and i realize i have to accept it, there's no other choice.

 

Guess I'm just looking for a bit of support, or advice, or anything i guess.

i should forget about him. but i can't.

i should move on, but i feel like he is such a great match for me.

i'm trying so hard not to contact him (i haven't), but part of me feels the need to.

and a big part of me is just hoping that something will snap in him and he'll realize that he's made a mistake.

 

he has said that i've treated him amazingly, even too good. that i'm an amazing person and deserve better, and i'll find someone who treats me right.

but we just don't work as a couple. bcuz "all we do is fight".

i've had fights before with bfs...and that was not what we had.

 

Sorry,

this is a rant. this just happened yesterday morning. and so many thoughts are going through my head.

 

thank you for anyone who has the patience to read this and respond.

[Fouts]

Most relationships end at the 3-4 month mark BHG. You had a connection with this guy, he didn't. That happens alot and vice versa. From a guy's POV, when we break up with a nice girl, we always use the "you're an amazing woman and deserve better" line, it just works and makes things easy.

 

You didn't say how young you are, be patient, it takes awhile to hit a homerun, look at all the people around with sh*t relationships or are cheating on each other.

 

Don't rush it

[broken hearted girl]

yeah, i understand that sometimes ppl don't reciprocate.

with him, it was strange. throughout the rel. he was the most affectionate, considerate, loving guy. always making plans with me, texting say he can't wait to see me again, even if he just left my side.

his friends and fam came over to visit from his home country and he wanted me to meet them. i met his dad, his best friend, etc.

he wanted to meet my friends.

and came out and said he was falling in love with me.

that he knows no one is perfect, but to him, i am.

he's lucky to have found me.

he's never met a girl like me before.

 

when we were together, he had mentioned that he thinks i'm out of his league. he never thought i'd go for him.

 

and then this past week, everything just fell apart to him i guess. he kept feeling he was hurting me, when he wasn't. but he wouldn't listen to me.

 

its confusing.

 

i've noticed he has deleted me off facebook now.

when he was breaking up with me, he said he'd want to be friends. not now. we can't talk for at least a week or whatever.

if he planned on contacting me...y would he delete me?

 

i also just feel stupid for basically begging this guy to give us another chance - pathetically, for hours. it's sad. and i feel stupid for it.

 

everything is just so confusing to me.

 

oh, i guess i should mention, i'm 26, he's 25.

[Fouts]

Looks don't usually matter, when it comes to relationships, at the 3-4 month mark one or both parties either lose interest at that point or it develops into an LTR.

 

He was into you and it wore off. There just wasn't a long term spark on his part. Guys only remain friends with girls they want to sleep with. From what you've described, he's done with you and done with the relationship, don't expect or wait for him to come back.

 

Don't take it personally either, that chemistry, spark, long term magic is a tough find. It doesn't mean you aren't hot, sexy and a great catch, it just means you weren't for him in the long run.

 

Look forward and be excited about what lays ahead, don't look back moping about this guy who's not into you.

[dazzle22]

I'm sure this is devastating. But it is very important in the future that you do not allow a promising relationship to move too fast.

 

A lot of guys will push for a lot of intimacy up front, then get in over their heads, then go ' OMG, what am I getting in to?, I am in way too deep!...', and then the back pedaling really begins. And it's always, 'you are too good for me', 'we're no good because____ ' (insert some fallacy here)...

 

You need to put out the air, 'well, I like you, but we'll just have to see...don't know enough about you yet to get in so deep'...'the jury is still out...we'll have to see if you get admitted into the 'circle of trust'....that kind of thing. Never let anyone, and that includes girlfriends into your heart too soon. You cannot know a person in only three months, even if it feels like it. It is very easy to 'act' for that long..

[broken hearted girl]

when he spoke about me being out of his league, he'd say that of course at first it had to do with looks when he first met me, but then when he got to know me - who i am as a person, my qualities, and fell in love with me, he's surprised even more that i'd be with him.

he would never date someone based on looks.

he said he's breaking up with me for no other reason other than we're not good together bcuz he hurts me all the time. which he didn't. what he saw as hurting me was just normal discussions, that could be over in 3 mins.

 

thank you for being very upfront and honest.

i'm trying hard to move forward.

my head knows its best if he never does contact me again.

my hearts just broken and trying to sort something out that i prob never will be able to...but can't help but constantly think about. and cry over. and worry.

 

just hearing things from other ppl help.

and i appreciate it

[Fouts]

It's normal to be bummed out and a bit confused when something like that happens hun. I'm not saying not to mourn for awhile, just look forward to the future, I'm sure it's bright

[broken hearted girl]

dazzle22: yea, its so confusing how he did fall for me so fast, and wanted to be around me all the time. and i loved that. i was weary at first bcuz of my last breakup - don't get too close too fast. but i did eventually let him in. and, sux now, cuz he's hurt me. meanwhile, he was always the one saying to me "just don't hurt me please".

 

fouts: thank you. i am going to try to look forward to things ahead. i hope its true that everything happens for a reason, and there's someone more compatible, even tho i see him as IT right now.

[hoping2heal]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm looking for some support, and I've been on here before, and it helped a lot.

 

I've had some terrible luck with guys in my life. I just went through an extremely painful breakup last summer.

I decided to do some traveling a few months after that breakup happened. Just to experience something different.

After my last breakup, I wasn't really looking for anything. Just travel, have fun.

I've been traveling since September (still am). And recently just started dating a guy that i met - who's also a traveler.

We had been together almost 3 months. It all moved very fast. Seeing eachother almost everyday. Him staying at mine, me at his. We just took a weekend trip together easter weekend. It was all amazing. Both excited to receive a text from eachother, a phone call, see eachother, even if we just parted ways 2 hours ago.

It all fell into place very easily.

And, sure, it was only 3 months, everyone says that. But i think its true that its not the length, its the quality of the relationship and the feelings that were there.

 

He broke up with me over the weekend. Saying that i deserve better, all he does is hurt me, all we do is fight. And it just doesn't feel right for him. He's knows in his heart that we're not good together and he can't ignore that feeling.

I tried talking to him. I felt so pathetic bcuz it felt like i was basically begging him to give us another shot. he said he has, he's given it 3 months.

there was nothing i could do or say to have him give our relationship another shot.

 

I'm having a crazy hard time dealing with this because, we didn't fight. It was amazing how good we were together.

There had been a few instances where he might do something, and i'd just say "you wouldn't like it if i did that." and hed be like "you're right!". and we'd be fine. or vice versa. we always said one of the things we loved about our relationship was if anything bother one of us, we'd just bring it up, right away, rationally, talk about it, and move on - which can be a difficult thing to find in relationships.

I see them as normal couple/relationship discussions. And then you're fine. It's all about getting to know eachother.

 

All in all, i just feel devastated. I don't understand.

No matter how hard other breakups have been, I always know that it's for the best because there are fundamental problems, or we weren't compatible.

and there's nothing i can do. he's made up his mind. and i realize i have to accept it, there's no other choice.

 

Guess I'm just looking for a bit of support, or advice, or anything i guess.

i should forget about him. but i can't.

i should move on, but i feel like he is such a great match for me.

i'm trying so hard not to contact him (i haven't), but part of me feels the need to.

and a big part of me is just hoping that something will snap in him and he'll realize that he's made a mistake.

 

he has said that i've treated him amazingly, even too good. that i'm an amazing person and deserve better, and i'll find someone who treats me right.

but we just don't work as a couple. bcuz "all we do is fight".

i've had fights before with bfs...and that was not what we had.

 

Sorry,

this is a rant. this just happened yesterday morning. and so many thoughts are going through my head.

 

thank you for anyone who has the patience to read this and respond.

 

It sounds very possible that this guy panics at the sign of intimacy and sabotages his relationships. Either that or he is the worlds biggest jerk to be affectionate and loving towards you for 3 months - and totally lie to your face when he "just wasn't feeling it." I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

You may have not had the best luck with guys but there good ones out there. I do genuinely believe that (I have one as proof and I don't believe he is the last of em! ) When you meet someone who is capable of being open with you and comitting to you and who dotes on and adores you; it's so wonderful and amazing and it will make you happy beyond belief. This guy just couldn't offer you that and it is something you deserve.

[broken hearted girl]

it just doesnt' make sense to me why HE's cutting ME out.

he said i treated him amazing. i've done nothing wrong. he's the ass. and he has no clue why i'm fighting for him.

and he wants to still be friends. bcuz i'm amazing. (which, sure i dont think i could be friends with him. but i feel that should be my call)

but then he deletes me from facebook. he's made it so i can't even try to add him (not that i would!).

and someone has now told me that he's been on there more frequently. posting status updates and sending ppl msgs about being traveling and having fun. (he rarely ever went on there, and never ever put a status up, etc) and that he's deleted the ONE picture that was on there of us. yet, thre are still pics of him and his ex.

 

it just seems like its getting more and more confusing. not better.

[EmperorR]

3 months is just like a trial run, sorry dear, I know how much it hurts.

[Fouts]

BHG, I know it's not going to be better yet, but I'm not so sure what you're confused about.

 

Re-read my first post. He's letting you down in a nice way. You probably are a very nice catch, but he discovered at the usual 3-4 month mark, that you weren't it for him.

 

He's made a clean break, it's a good time for you to get a fresh start.

[D-Lish]

I know this may sound like crazy advice- but the next time you talk, tell him you realize he's right, and you aren't right for one another. Then go off and do your own thing and remain n/c with him.