Kate1 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I apologize for this being so long! But so much has happened in the last three and a half week, I feel like I'm losing it! here is the recap. My ex and I were friends for a few years, and we finally went out. Flash foreward a year. He tells me all the time how much he loves me, we have gone to visit his family twice. Once on Thanksgiving. He bought me very expensive jewelry for xmas. He has gone out of his way to remind my friends and even their boyfriends that 'I really love her'. He suprised me with an I Love You card and dinner on Valentines Day. Until the very end, we were making plans for the summer. The relationship has always been somewhat casual. We have both been hurt bad before, so neither of us ever really wanted to push the other one too far. We both have busy schedules, so the time we spend together is usually all weekend. Rarely during the week. I always just figured that was ok. 3 weeks ago, he suggested we go to the Cayman Islands for a vacation. I booked the trip, everything was fantastic, or so I thought. Very romantic, we walked on the beach, great dinners, dancing, you name it. 3 days after we got home, he tells me that he's just not feeling it. That he doesn't know, but he feels like the relationship isn't where he feels it should be after a year. He's felt this way for awhile, he says but thought that going on a romantic vacation would make 'it' go away, but it hasn't. He threw every line in the book at me. "This is so hard for me, I'm f@$#%'d up, how can we fix this now? The damage is already done, it just doesn't feel right, I've never dated someone that I was friends with before, etc. etc." I was totally blindsided. I knew that we had things about our relationship to discuss, but this was a total shock. It was very hard to open my heart to him, but I grew to love him very much. The one phone conversation that we had was him saying that he thinks about me every day and this is horrible for him, but he just doesn't see how it could work out. I just don't get it. How does someone go from I love you at 100 miles an hour to a dead stop just like that? We officially haven't spoken in almost three weeks, but then on Easter Sunday, i texted him happy easter, and his response was to wish me one as well and he misses me. I finally broke down last Thursday and contacted him via IM. This is a guy who is NEVER online and suddenly he was on IM every day. I thought maybe he was waiting for me to 'make a move' so I did. During the conversation, he told me that it is always great to hear from me, (This was the first time we've spoken in over two weeks) and that we would talk soon. He really wants us to be friends and that it is really important to him??? I have no idea what that means!! Especially after he's told me basically the complete opposite. So after several more days of talking and analyzing with friend, I couldn't take it anymore!! I called him today~ he didn't answer so I left a message: 'Hey ^#*, do you want to meet for a drink one night this week after work? I'd like to talk to you. If you don't want to, I understand. But I wanted to at least try so I figured I would give it a shot" He sent me a text about 30 minutes later that just said: 'sounds good to me' So I texted back and gave him a time and a place. And asked if Wed or Thurs was alright. He then texted me back: 'Thurs. sounds good." Now ~ I know that it is very easy to read into a text message. But, based on his responses, it doesn't sound to me like he is all that eager to talk. It came across to me that it's more him doing me a favor or humoring me...I could be wrong. But now I feel like I screwed up. As I've said before, I only have one shot here to make him see that I'm serious about how I feel for him. I just don't really get that great of a feeling about it... I guess my question is this; Is there any hope to salvage this relationship?? I know that he has probably shut himself off from me at this point. But I really do love him, and I miss him every day. I don't want to freak him out or make him think that I'm some kind of psycho! I just really want to make it right.
Bolts Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 In regards to his text messages... You have no idea how i wish i was in your shoes... All I could say is too relax and not "read into" them. As i am sure you do this too, you are very aware of what words you use when writing him... he is too. If you read them as possitive you may work yourself up so to a point that you will be disappointed... and if your read them as negative, you may work yourself up to a frenzy and destroy any hope there may be. This is something I am learning to do myself... guys tend to do this all the time... they read into things, and always the worst possible senario, and that make you assume the worst out of situations, and cast horrible feelings on the people we are most vulerable with... (i.e. Your friend Bob saw her at a bar last night with Fred... and you then assume she is sleeping with fred... and now you see your love as a whore...) Now she feels belittled and you feel justafiably angry and in reality maybe she was at a job interview... or what have you. What I am trying to say is that "reading into things" only seems to create drama inside of us. Fact is, you can't read into them. You just have to take the "Yes" and disregard the rest. He would like to see you. Awesome. Take it from there and see where it goes. And for crying out loud, have fun, like you did when you met. Know that it could go anywhere, be open, and good luck!!
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