hellopeople Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It’s been almost three months since my bf dumped me out of the blue. I’ve been getting better and some days I even enjoy the single life. I hang out with friends, study, go to the gym. But then most of the time, I can’t get him out of my head. Even when I concentrate on another task, he still occupies my mind. I can’t seem to get him out. I’ve been going NC since the day he left me, except for the times he has approached me in person to make small talk or say hi (we study at the same place. And even now when he’s not there, I get a little sad). He’s never called me since the breakup and never made an effort or apologize for the way he ended it or lack of closure he gave me. That really hurts me. I know he has a new gf now so I doubt he thinks of me, and this only increases my pain. He was my first real BF and I thought I was falling for him. But, I wouldn’t go back to him. I can’t. There were too many red flags I ignored. Too many doubts I buried b/c of the sweet nothings he would tell me. But my unhappiness and unease in the relationship continued to grow. I felt I could no longer trust him. It got to the point where I even thought of breaking up with him b/c I was so unhappy with the way he was treating me. I realize now that I would cry more during the relationship than I have out of it. So I don’t understand. I still cry over him even though I know it’s stupid. If I know that I don’t want to go back to him, why do I still miss him? If I know for the most part, it was a one-sided relationship, why does he still plague my mind? When will this hold he still has over me disappear?
The Non-Student Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 We all heal differently. There's no timeline for feeling better or being over it. What are some thing you could do that would be good for you? How can you indulge yourself while you're in this state of hurting? Focusing on you, not why you're still hurting, may be a good shift for you. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and I'm finding that I actually feel worse now than I did at the beginning. It's definitely not a linear process, but you're doing well by not contacting him, even though it's hard. You're going to get through this. Lean on your friends, be good to yourself, and maybe find a therapist to work through this with you.
Odyssey Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Why? it's like an addiction...still crave for it even when our head knows it's bad. And the pain is the battle when your heart is fighting what your head knows. But at 3 months... i think you're doing ok. Be strong...it's a bumpy ride. But you're not alone.
skydiveaddict Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It's called healing. You will get through this , it just takes time
OOReeee Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Dear, What you are describing happened to me exactly 2 months ago. Like you, I felt in a one-sided relationship, a lot of empty sweetness, but at the same time I chose to keep it, only to be dumped, crushed and broken. I share the frustration with you, there is nothing more upsetting than not only feeling so helpless, but in addition knowing how your logic stands no chance against your emotions. Yes, our exs were not the right ones for us, in fact, they were pretty bad... but all of it doesn't matter one bit. It's been 2 months, wherever I go, I think about her. I assume that it will improve for me and I am positive it'll be better for you. It's good that you are healing and that you are going NC. It is extremely important to put yourself in the center and make sure you are feeling good. Don't do anything silly, don't call or stalk or anything... just live your life. It's gonna be one day at a time, but you have people to talk to and we are also here to stand by you. If you want to share your experience feel free. Stay strong.
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