wingman2 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 This is a fairly long story so I apologize. I'm a pretty fast typist and tend to ramble on but please take the time to read, I'll try to keep it as short as I can. My girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me last month, about a month and a week ago now. We were deeply in love with eachother and happy until the very end. In fact we haven't gotten into a fight in about a year now. Just 2 weeks prior to our breakup she was talking about marriage since we did have marriage in mind and we were both certain that we will get married with eachother, however considering we're a pretty young couple we didn't want that until after we were done with college, I btw am in my second year. Moving on though, things were so wonderful between me and her even until the end pretty much. There were no fights or arguments that revolved around the breakup and she was telling me things like "I love you more than anyone in the world" "I could stretch one arm from one end of the universe to the other and it wouldn't show how much love I have for you." "I never thought I could ever find a guy who cherishes me as much as you do" "you were made for me and I wouldn't want to be with any other guy if I didn't have you" she even went as far as saying that she'll do anything for me, and she said all of this even less than two weeks before breaking it off with me. It was an instant shift. One night she felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have me in her life, the next night she became very quiet and distant and something didn't seem right but I tried to not think much of it. That night was a really hard night for me but due to some immidiate family issues I was having and that possibly may have been the last straw that broke the camels back but overall not the reason she broke things off with me. Either way if I had kept my mouth shut that night perhaps I'd still be with her, but it's not something I did rather it's something I didn't do. But that's a family related issue and is a whole other story on its own I could get into later in this thread. Anyway.. she then became very distant from me throughout that entire week. I've been trying to call her and asking her to give me a call so we could just talk but she kept putting me off and telling me she can't because she either has a lot of hw, needs to get up early the next day, or just simply didn't feel like it. I became displeased and suspicious and started to persue her to explain as to why she didn't want to talk. Bad move on my part but I had the impression I wasn't as important to her anymore which she confirmed isn't true. Then about a week later she writes me one night telling me that she feels that she just has to let go of everything and focus on herself and who she is and where she needs to be in life. She goes on saying that she knows we had this plan to get married and do things together, do a lot of traveling but she doesn't really have any plans and doesn't know what career she wants to go into that she feels it's best to just focus on herself and not have any committments at the time. She mentioned that she can't promise she'll come back to me because she wants to leave the future open for anything and anything can happen. She also explained that she believes we're so engulfed in our marriage plans that if we were any older we'd already be getting married and she's not ready for that. I can see some valid points she was making, considering we're a young couple and I was her first and only boyfriend. It's only typical of someone to sort of feel that way, however I didn't like it and it just tore me to pieces when I heard this. She did mention that it's going to be painful for her to and I believe that it is. I did what any typical guy would do. Began to cry, beg, and plead with her, wrote her message after message trying to get through to her but the more I did this the more frustrated she became with me, telling me I should just move on and fathom the idea that she might not be the one I'll end up marrying. I then began to lay back a bit after realizing that my desperate attempt to plead with her wasn't working. I got a lot of advice from friends, dating forums, relationship books like magic of making up, etc, and have been following up on my strategy. Well I tried many different attempts by trying to write a very long meaningful letter, tried to remain in contact with her to not lose connection, but then after a lot of advice and sources off the internet and relationship books, I've decided to write a letter of acknowledgment and agree with the breakup and then at the end of the letter I initiated strict no contact. This was a bit hard to do but I felt confident by doing it. She then had a few questions to ask me. Her first question was whether I have gotten rid of her things and deleted all her stuff on my computer and cell phone. I was honest and told her no but I felt the question was unnecessary and not to contact me from then on. But then I felt as if I may have reacted displeased with her and since I had a few questions myself I've decided to talk to her but not by email. This is where things start to get confusing. I sensed she was really uncomfortable, nervous, sad, anxious, and confused and she really didn't have any questions for me besides wondering why I won't get rid of her things. However she gave me a completely different answer as to why she broke up with me than she did in her email she wrote me. She explained that I've become too reliant and co dependent of her. That I've become too obsessive of her and my obsessiveness has caused her to be just as obsessive. The main evidence that contributes to this is the fact that she said I'm always sad about things that happen in my life and in my family and she felt overwhelmed by feeling like she was the only thing that made me happy and she had to make me happy all the time. Other evidence would point to the fact that whenever she didn't want to call me I would start to wonder why, as could be observed the week prior the breakup when she didn't want to talk that whole week and I began to get in her face about it and grow upset. I would even suggest just calling to say goodnight but she knows saying goodnight takes hours. She also mentioned that she felt our love had to be a certain way and she strived to fulfill it that way but just couldn't. This part of the convo confused me but it goes hand in hand with me being too needy and going to her whenever any little thing bothered me. On the good side though. She said that she was never ungrateful for me and that this is going to be very painful for her too and has been. She said I was always so wonderful to her and that she had a wonderful 3 and a half years with me. She was crying while I was talking to her and told me she's been crying everyday now because she misses me, because she loves me and many times she just gets confused and whenever she thinks about me she cries. She confessed that she still has all her feelings for me and is still deeply in love with me. Even when she told me she loved me that night she broke down in tears and she only appeared to be nervous and cranky because she was masking her true feelings for me. She explained that it's been very painful for her and her heart is still in love with me but she believes that she has to do this but she has always had strong feelings for me. She just wants to rid herself of those feelings right now. She didn't agree to remain friends because she believes we'll stay attached and that I should get rid of all her things to forget about her. She was assuming that I was talking to her trying to attempt to lure her back to me so she kept saying that it doesn't matter what I do or say she's not coming back but I behaved calm, cool, and collected throughout the entire conversation. She was pretty harsh though saying things like she doesn't want to be with me and isn't going to be but perhaps it was just her anger and confusion talking. I could tell her heart was aching for me. We then came to our final goodbyes which became the most emotional part of the conversation. I didn't have anything else to say and there was just this long period of silence. She then said my name which I responded by saying "yes?" and then followed by another 3 minute silence and then she said goodbye as she continued to cry. I then said my goodbye too. We then just stayed for another 5 minutes in silence since I thought she would be the one to end the conversation but she didn't so I did. Later that night she wrote me an email telling me that she'll never forget me. I never replied and 3 weeks have passed now since our final conversation together. Neither of us have heard from eachother since even though I'm following along with my strategy. There are many reasons why I've implemented no contact, for one so I could get my head together and get over this emotional rollorcoaster, specially the anger stage of healing. 2. To help her miss me, show her I'm unavailable and give her time to value our relationship (member the saying you don't know what you got till it's gone). 3. Most important of all to boost my confidence, find happiness in myself and learn to not be co dependent on someone, and I'm hoping by doing this she'll see that I'm not needy and obsessive and I could learn to find happiness within myself too. There's no better way to prove to someone you can learn to not be dependent on them other than taking time away from them. I just feel like it's the best move I could do in our situation but 3 weeks have gone by and I'm starting to get worried that she isn't going to contact me. The first week I was begging and pleading, second week I was working on my letter of agreement and we had little contact so the first two weeks we had contact, it wasn't until week 3 of our breakup that we finally initiated no contact. I'm giving this a total of a month until I'm ready to just ask how she's doing, so another week from now but I'm still concerned. I heard that the dumper is usually first to initial contact and that it normally happens within this period of time. However did I blow my chances by remaining in contact with her the first two weeks? I'm still trying to follow along with my strategy but it almost feels like I've come to the point where there's nothing I could do but wait and see what happens. Regardless of the fact that I'm no longer crying my eyes out, being tempted to just write her something. Smashing my arms and feet against the wall out of anger, I'm still depressed, but depressed because now when I look back I can't think of a single thing I didn't like about her except for the fact of her leaving me which almost nullifies anything else I love about her since she hurt me more than ever but at some level it's understandable. I know the main purpose of the breakup is the same reason she broke up with me 10 months ago. She's young and I'm her first and only boyfriend she's ever had. She told me last time that she wanted to date other guys to test the waters, to reassure herself that I am the one and I believe it's very much the same reason since she even mentioned in the conversation that she never left me for anyone else because she loved me but also because she felt like she couldn't. I always had ways of luring her back in the past and this time I'm letting her go to find out for herself if I am the one. She has always loved me and did want to marry me but she felt that she was obligated at the same time too. Don't know why exactly she feels this way but I feel like I have to let her go if there's ever going to be a chance for her to come back and remain together. So overall her not being ready for marriage and not wanting committment are the main reasons behind the breakup. She doesn't have another guy in mind, I know this for sure. I would know if there's another guy and also she mentioned that she doesn't want to have any relationships for about a year. Dunno if that will benefit me in some way or not or if she'll be true to her word. I don't want people replying telling me to just get over her. It's the most easiest thing anyone can say to anybody who's going through a breakup like if relationships are really just a simple matter. I've had 3 relationships prior to her. Two of those relationships lasted a year each. I ended one of them, and yes it hurt but only for about 2 weeks tops. I never really had anything with those other girls, sure I had a lot in common but the only girl I've ever been able to love was my recent ex. I'm a very picky guy when it comes to finding women so the whole "plenty of fish in the sea" idea doesn't do it for me since I'm an extreme fisherman who looks for only the rarest and highest quality fish so to say. I don't just keep whatever I catch. I understand that in order to ever get my ex back I must prepare for the worst and act and believe as if she won't be coming back because truth is anything can happen. There's no most likely or probably nots involved in this. Unless any of you guys are psychic don't tell me she most likely won't come back or even vise versa. Doesn't matter how much experience you have. I know plenty of people who have gotten their exe's back and some who haven't. I'm just trying to prepare for the worst, cope with things, get over my depression, and do my best to get her back. Doesn't matter if some people think it's pointless to try, at least I'll be trying and I know when I want something so bad I try my hardest to get it, even if I don't succeed at least I know I've tried. I believe if given the appropriate time and make some changes in myself, she can see the new and improved me and would want me back into her life again. I just hope I haven't blown it by applying no contact later than I should have and would just want to know based on your guy's opinions about the breakup and our relationship what the chances of her initiating contact with me are. It's been 3 weeks and I would think she'd contact me by now. Just doesn't make sense how someone could love me so much and then not even have the decency to write me a short email few weeks later. I shouldn't be waiting though, I'm just hoping something will happen.
wanderingsoul Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Wingman2, your story really struck a chord with me. Just doesn't make sense how someone could love me so much and then not even have the decency to write me a short email few weeks later. I shouldn't be waiting though, I'm just hoping something will happen. Are you me? Because your story sounds eerily similar to mine in that I was in a 2.5 year relationship (which is LTR considering I'm in my low 20s). But my ex and I basically went through those same emotions as you two did down to the letter writing. Around 3 weeks of NC, I broke down and IMed her -- big mistake. She could only tell me what she had told me when she broke up with me and that she was sorry, but she didn't miss me romantically. In light of this, and I know your situation could very well be completely different, but I think that you should maintain NC and let her come to you when she's ready, which may very well be never. In other words, you need to take care of yourself and move on with your own life, as you've said. Maybe some more senior members of the forum can add some more, but I feel for you, man. You're not alone, and you will make it through this.
Agent Thomas Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 (edited) I don't want people replying telling me to just get over her. It's the most easiest thing anyone can say to anybody who's going through a breakup like if relationships are really just a simple matter. I've had 3 relationships prior to her. Two of those relationships lasted a year each. I ended one of them, and yes it hurt but only for about 2 weeks tops. I never really had anything with those other girls, sure I had a lot in common but the only girl I've ever been able to love was my recent ex. I'm a very picky guy when it comes to finding women so the whole "plenty of fish in the sea" idea doesn't do it for me since I'm an extreme fisherman who looks for only the rarest and highest quality fish so to say. I don't just keep whatever I catch. I understand that in order to ever get my ex back I must prepare for the worst and act and believe as if she won't be coming back because truth is anything can happen. There's no most likely or probably nots involved in this. Unless any of you guys are psychic don't tell me she most likely won't come back or even vise versa. Doesn't matter how much experience you have. I know plenty of people who have gotten their exe's back and some who haven't. I'm just trying to prepare for the worst, cope with things, get over my depression, and do my best to get her back. Doesn't matter if some people think it's pointless to try, at least I'll be trying and I know when I want something so bad I try my hardest to get it, even if I don't succeed at least I know I've tried. I believe if given the appropriate time and make some changes in myself, she can see the new and improved me and would want me back into her life again. This particular paragraph bothered me. You yourself are telling us not to say the things that you yourself know are true, because you don't want to face the truth. I know the human brain better than most people, and forgive me for sounding arrogant by saying that. Here is what I would wager my car, house, and so much money on: She may come back, but probably won't. This was an extremely intense, dependent relationship that sucked the life out of you both and molded two worlds into one and had unlimited amounts of expectations on the other. The chances she will come back are far less than the chance that she won't. You can read all the books and talk to all kinds of people til you finally find a person who will give you the answer you seek, but the fact is, once people break up, it's pretty much the end. I feel for you and know why it's so hard to accept. When I lost my second girlfriend, it ripped my world inside out and put me into a world colored by major depressive disorder. (And still to this day, is). I tried everything. I cut her off, I did it all. No matter what I did, she never came back. She said the same romantic, ultimate loving things you did -- and I was her first too. I too am a fisherman of the like you've mentioned, and let me assure you, there ARE plenty of ELITE fish in the GIGANTIC OCEAN. They're harder to find, but in life, all good things take hard work. You can find another girl like her, except even better -- because after all, there's no such thing as one of a kind. Only thing truly unique about people are their fingerprints, and perhaps their ear shape. Edited April 13, 2010 by Agent Thomas
CaliGuy Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Agree with Agent. If she isn't replying, she isn't making you a priority in your life. You should do the same and put her away from your life. Don't waste your time on her, there are BETTER people out there for you. That is where you focus your time.
EmperorR Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I haven't heard a peep from my ex fiancé been almost two years, yes it sucks but life goes on. Sorry man but it was probably over a long time before, I've been dumped three times in a row, I know the signs, I was told I love you more than everything one night and the next morning I need space, I need a break, I think we should be friends bla bla. Women check out weeks months in advance but stay and put on a deceitful face untill they get thr courage to snip your wings. I wouldn't be shocked if she found another "friend" already.
Author wingman2 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 Alright so the other day she contacted me finally after almost thinking she never will. This is what she wrote. "I kno we said we wouldnt talk to each other, but some things have been bugging me so much and ive been wondering if uve been thinking about me as much as ive been thinking about u" How do you interpret this? This is the next day and I still haven't replied back to her cause I simply don't know what to say or do. I sense it is a good message but shouldn't get my hopes up. I feel like I need more time. I'm stuck.
Tommy's Girl Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 Alright so the other day she contacted me finally after almost thinking she never will. This is what she wrote. "I kno we said we wouldnt talk to each other, but some things have been bugging me so much and ive been wondering if uve been thinking about me as much as ive been thinking about u" How do you interpret this? This is the next day and I still haven't replied back to her cause I simply don't know what to say or do. I sense it is a good message but shouldn't get my hopes up. I feel like I need more time. I'm stuck. Go with your gut.
CaliGuy Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 (edited) Alright so the other day she contacted me finally after almost thinking she never will. This is what she wrote. "I kno we said we wouldnt talk to each other, but some things have been bugging me so much and ive been wondering if uve been thinking about me as much as ive been thinking about u" How do you interpret this? This is the next day and I still haven't replied back to her cause I simply don't know what to say or do. I sense it is a good message but shouldn't get my hopes up. I feel like I need more time. I'm stuck. Don't act desperate or upset. Act "nonchalant" with her. You could care less either way how she acts. What she wants is "reassurance" that you want her so that she is free to go find someone else. Read the threads in my signature as a start. Do you want to make her a priority if she only sees you as an option? Edited April 17, 2010 by CaliGuy
fallapart1016 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 This is a fairly long story so I apologize. I'm a pretty fast typist and tend to ramble on but please take the time to read, I'll try to keep it as short as I can. My girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me last month, about a month and a week ago now. We were deeply in love with eachother and happy until the very end. In fact we haven't gotten into a fight in about a year now. Just 2 weeks prior to our breakup she was talking about marriage since we did have marriage in mind and we were both certain that we will get married with eachother, however considering we're a pretty young couple we didn't want that until after we were done with college, I btw am in my second year. Moving on though, things were so wonderful between me and her even until the end pretty much. There were no fights or arguments that revolved around the breakup and she was telling me things like "I love you more than anyone in the world" "I could stretch one arm from one end of the universe to the other and it wouldn't show how much love I have for you." "I never thought I could ever find a guy who cherishes me as much as you do" "you were made for me and I wouldn't want to be with any other guy if I didn't have you" she even went as far as saying that she'll do anything for me, and she said all of this even less than two weeks before breaking it off with me. It was an instant shift. One night she felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have me in her life, the next night she became very quiet and distant and something didn't seem right but I tried to not think much of it. That night was a really hard night for me but due to some immidiate family issues I was having and that possibly may have been the last straw that broke the camels back but overall not the reason she broke things off with me. Either way if I had kept my mouth shut that night perhaps I'd still be with her, but it's not something I did rather it's something I didn't do. But that's a family related issue and is a whole other story on its own I could get into later in this thread. Anyway.. she then became very distant from me throughout that entire week. I've been trying to call her and asking her to give me a call so we could just talk but she kept putting me off and telling me she can't because she either has a lot of hw, needs to get up early the next day, or just simply didn't feel like it. I became displeased and suspicious and started to persue her to explain as to why she didn't want to talk. Bad move on my part but I had the impression I wasn't as important to her anymore which she confirmed isn't true. Then about a week later she writes me one night telling me that she feels that she just has to let go of everything and focus on herself and who she is and where she needs to be in life. She goes on saying that she knows we had this plan to get married and do things together, do a lot of traveling but she doesn't really have any plans and doesn't know what career she wants to go into that she feels it's best to just focus on herself and not have any committments at the time. She mentioned that she can't promise she'll come back to me because she wants to leave the future open for anything and anything can happen. She also explained that she believes we're so engulfed in our marriage plans that if we were any older we'd already be getting married and she's not ready for that. I can see some valid points she was making, considering we're a young couple and I was her first and only boyfriend. It's only typical of someone to sort of feel that way, however I didn't like it and it just tore me to pieces when I heard this. She did mention that it's going to be painful for her to and I believe that it is. I did what any typical guy would do. Began to cry, beg, and plead with her, wrote her message after message trying to get through to her but the more I did this the more frustrated she became with me, telling me I should just move on and fathom the idea that she might not be the one I'll end up marrying. I then began to lay back a bit after realizing that my desperate attempt to plead with her wasn't working. I got a lot of advice from friends, dating forums, relationship books like magic of making up, etc, and have been following up on my strategy. Well I tried many different attempts by trying to write a very long meaningful letter, tried to remain in contact with her to not lose connection, but then after a lot of advice and sources off the internet and relationship books, I've decided to write a letter of acknowledgment and agree with the breakup and then at the end of the letter I initiated strict no contact. This was a bit hard to do but I felt confident by doing it. She then had a few questions to ask me. Her first question was whether I have gotten rid of her things and deleted all her stuff on my computer and cell phone. I was honest and told her no but I felt the question was unnecessary and not to contact me from then on. But then I felt as if I may have reacted displeased with her and since I had a few questions myself I've decided to talk to her but not by email. This is where things start to get confusing. I sensed she was really uncomfortable, nervous, sad, anxious, and confused and she really didn't have any questions for me besides wondering why I won't get rid of her things. However she gave me a completely different answer as to why she broke up with me than she did in her email she wrote me. She explained that I've become too reliant and co dependent of her. That I've become too obsessive of her and my obsessiveness has caused her to be just as obsessive. The main evidence that contributes to this is the fact that she said I'm always sad about things that happen in my life and in my family and she felt overwhelmed by feeling like she was the only thing that made me happy and she had to make me happy all the time. Other evidence would point to the fact that whenever she didn't want to call me I would start to wonder why, as could be observed the week prior the breakup when she didn't want to talk that whole week and I began to get in her face about it and grow upset. I would even suggest just calling to say goodnight but she knows saying goodnight takes hours. She also mentioned that she felt our love had to be a certain way and she strived to fulfill it that way but just couldn't. This part of the convo confused me but it goes hand in hand with me being too needy and going to her whenever any little thing bothered me. On the good side though. She said that she was never ungrateful for me and that this is going to be very painful for her too and has been. She said I was always so wonderful to her and that she had a wonderful 3 and a half years with me. She was crying while I was talking to her and told me she's been crying everyday now because she misses me, because she loves me and many times she just gets confused and whenever she thinks about me she cries. She confessed that she still has all her feelings for me and is still deeply in love with me. Even when she told me she loved me that night she broke down in tears and she only appeared to be nervous and cranky because she was masking her true feelings for me. She explained that it's been very painful for her and her heart is still in love with me but she believes that she has to do this but she has always had strong feelings for me. She just wants to rid herself of those feelings right now. She didn't agree to remain friends because she believes we'll stay attached and that I should get rid of all her things to forget about her. She was assuming that I was talking to her trying to attempt to lure her back to me so she kept saying that it doesn't matter what I do or say she's not coming back but I behaved calm, cool, and collected throughout the entire conversation. She was pretty harsh though saying things like she doesn't want to be with me and isn't going to be but perhaps it was just her anger and confusion talking. I could tell her heart was aching for me. We then came to our final goodbyes which became the most emotional part of the conversation. I didn't have anything else to say and there was just this long period of silence. She then said my name which I responded by saying "yes?" and then followed by another 3 minute silence and then she said goodbye as she continued to cry. I then said my goodbye too. We then just stayed for another 5 minutes in silence since I thought she would be the one to end the conversation but she didn't so I did. Later that night she wrote me an email telling me that she'll never forget me. I never replied and 3 weeks have passed now since our final conversation together. Neither of us have heard from eachother since even though I'm following along with my strategy. There are many reasons why I've implemented no contact, for one so I could get my head together and get over this emotional rollorcoaster, specially the anger stage of healing. 2. To help her miss me, show her I'm unavailable and give her time to value our relationship (member the saying you don't know what you got till it's gone). 3. Most important of all to boost my confidence, find happiness in myself and learn to not be co dependent on someone, and I'm hoping by doing this she'll see that I'm not needy and obsessive and I could learn to find happiness within myself too. There's no better way to prove to someone you can learn to not be dependent on them other than taking time away from them. I just feel like it's the best move I could do in our situation but 3 weeks have gone by and I'm starting to get worried that she isn't going to contact me. The first week I was begging and pleading, second week I was working on my letter of agreement and we had little contact so the first two weeks we had contact, it wasn't until week 3 of our breakup that we finally initiated no contact. I'm giving this a total of a month until I'm ready to just ask how she's doing, so another week from now but I'm still concerned. I heard that the dumper is usually first to initial contact and that it normally happens within this period of time. However did I blow my chances by remaining in contact with her the first two weeks? I'm still trying to follow along with my strategy but it almost feels like I've come to the point where there's nothing I could do but wait and see what happens. Regardless of the fact that I'm no longer crying my eyes out, being tempted to just write her something. Smashing my arms and feet against the wall out of anger, I'm still depressed, but depressed because now when I look back I can't think of a single thing I didn't like about her except for the fact of her leaving me which almost nullifies anything else I love about her since she hurt me more than ever but at some level it's understandable. I know the main purpose of the breakup is the same reason she broke up with me 10 months ago. She's young and I'm her first and only boyfriend she's ever had. She told me last time that she wanted to date other guys to test the waters, to reassure herself that I am the one and I believe it's very much the same reason since she even mentioned in the conversation that she never left me for anyone else because she loved me but also because she felt like she couldn't. I always had ways of luring her back in the past and this time I'm letting her go to find out for herself if I am the one. She has always loved me and did want to marry me but she felt that she was obligated at the same time too. Don't know why exactly she feels this way but I feel like I have to let her go if there's ever going to be a chance for her to come back and remain together. So overall her not being ready for marriage and not wanting committment are the main reasons behind the breakup. She doesn't have another guy in mind, I know this for sure. I would know if there's another guy and also she mentioned that she doesn't want to have any relationships for about a year. Dunno if that will benefit me in some way or not or if she'll be true to her word. I don't want people replying telling me to just get over her. It's the most easiest thing anyone can say to anybody who's going through a breakup like if relationships are really just a simple matter. I've had 3 relationships prior to her. Two of those relationships lasted a year each. I ended one of them, and yes it hurt but only for about 2 weeks tops. I never really had anything with those other girls, sure I had a lot in common but the only girl I've ever been able to love was my recent ex. I'm a very picky guy when it comes to finding women so the whole "plenty of fish in the sea" idea doesn't do it for me since I'm an extreme fisherman who looks for only the rarest and highest quality fish so to say. I don't just keep whatever I catch. I understand that in order to ever get my ex back I must prepare for the worst and act and believe as if she won't be coming back because truth is anything can happen. There's no most likely or probably nots involved in this. Unless any of you guys are psychic don't tell me she most likely won't come back or even vise versa. Doesn't matter how much experience you have. I know plenty of people who have gotten their exe's back and some who haven't. I'm just trying to prepare for the worst, cope with things, get over my depression, and do my best to get her back. Doesn't matter if some people think it's pointless to try, at least I'll be trying and I know when I want something so bad I try my hardest to get it, even if I don't succeed at least I know I've tried. I believe if given the appropriate time and make some changes in myself, she can see the new and improved me and would want me back into her life again. I just hope I haven't blown it by applying no contact later than I should have and would just want to know based on your guy's opinions about the breakup and our relationship what the chances of her initiating contact with me are. It's been 3 weeks and I would think she'd contact me by now. Just doesn't make sense how someone could love me so much and then not even have the decency to write me a short email few weeks later. I shouldn't be waiting though, I'm just hoping something will happen. I am in the same boat my friend. Except I graduated college and she is still in college. Same thing happen, I never forced being married or anything just a natural thing to talk about. It seemed like she realized that still 21 and should worry about herself first. Funny how life works out that way. I have been broken up for about 3 months, one week of no talking, and I think I will keep it going to see what happens. Maybe she will come back, I can only hope, but it could go the other way too. The future freaks me out.
Author wingman2 Posted April 17, 2010 Author Posted April 17, 2010 Not preciously, only if she comes across to me professing that I'm the only guy she wants to be with, and only then with some clear thinking on my part will I consider taking things slow with her. I did end up responding back to her however. I wrote her saying; "I'm sorry to hear that things have been bugging you. It is true I have thought about you but I don't let it absorb my mind for I don't know yet what plans are in store for me and I want to leave my life open." I haven't heard from her yet and I'm hoping my response won't backfire on me. Basically I told her that I have been thinking about her but didn't come across as needy. This is to prevent her from thinking that I'll always be here for her whenever as a backup plan. I felt it was the best response I could think of and the appropriate thing to say. I just hope it doesn't backfire, I wonder why she hasn't responded back but I won't stress over it.
In-The-Wheat Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 (edited) After reading what she sent you & how you responded I believe you have handled it well. I am guessing the reason she hasn't replied is because your message might have surprised her & now she is possibly worried that you're actually moving on. This is sure to get her thinking about what she is about to loose... possibly to the point where she breaks down and comes back wanting to work it out. Then again, it may be what she wanted to hear - that you are ok with this outcome, and she can move on as well without a feeling of guilt, what if's, etc. I'm thinking just give it some more time... You've already done your part, the ball is in her court now (hey, at least she is playing now). If you would, could you take a look at my situation?.. Not close to the length of you and your ex's relationship, but the situation is similar & the same feelings hold true. I'm stressing big time about it since I still am not sure what caused a riff between her and I & have not received feedback from her about the situation as you have. Thanks. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t228195/ Edited April 17, 2010 by In-The-Wheat
Author wingman2 Posted April 19, 2010 Author Posted April 19, 2010 Alrighht well I did end up responding to my ex and I wrote her back saying "I'm sorry to hear that things have been bugging you. It is true that I've been thinking aboutt you too however I don't let it absorb my thoughts for I do not yet know the plans that are in store for me and I want to leave my life open. She then responded 2 days later saying "Well have you been learning anything or gotten stronger spiritually since we broke up?" And now I don't know how to respond or why she's even asking that question. I feel like if I say yes she will think I'm better off without her but if I say no she will think I'm too weak and obsessive. She wrote me yesterday and I gotta write back today since I feel like the more time passes the further she'll get from me. Please help me on how to respond back to her. I know 11 months ago when we broke up the first time we ended up just doing a break later then she grew depressed and asked if the breeak was working for me and I started feeling uncomfortable. She said the break wasn't working for her so I had the impression she didn't want to talk anymore but what she really wanted was reconciliation and that's how we got back last time. This time it feels similar for the fact she asked if I've been thinking of her and how things are bugging her. In my opinion I don't think she grew stonger or learned much since but I could be wrong. I just don't know wut to do right now.
EthanH Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 wingman, I am in a very similar situation to you... add me on skype and we can mssg about it (user: ethanhurlington)...
Author wingman2 Posted April 20, 2010 Author Posted April 20, 2010 Do you have msn? Well anyway now she wrote me once again saying this time that she misses me, she misses me incredibly but is confused on whether or not talking to me will make things more or less painful. I see this as a good thing but don't know what to do!! Should I give myself more time? Is she wanting to reconcile? She didn't mention anything about reconciliation though. I don't even know how to respond. Does she just want to use me as a cushion to ease the pain or will talking help bring us together and if so what would be the best way to communicate?
EthanH Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 yes, [email protected]... after your last mssg I think we are currently in exactly the same situation... add me an we can discuss it...
Author wingman2 Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 You posted on my very first thread here on loveshack bout a month ago. How are things going? Making any progress? Well not sure if you've been keeping up with my story but a month ago, just 3 days after my first thread my ex wrote me saying that she's been thinking of me and missing me. Well I was uncertain about her intentions so I didn't give in too easy and acted as if I've been fine without her. Now she's sort of giving me mixed signals cause after meeting up with her a week later she lost all interest in me but last weekend she wanted to talk, something important too but I put her off and couldn't talk. Now she's not writiing again =( but I'm gonna try calling her today. Anyway just wanna know how situation is since you said it's similar. Hope things will work out for u.
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