SomewhatExperienced Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I'm 23 and although have a my share of experience dating I went on a hiatus for a while after my last breakup. Since I've been "on the market" for a new girl, I've been thrown the the ringer a bit with girls who have messed around with my head and heart. As each new girl came about, I sort of held back more and more from any sort of attachment. Now with the girl I'm seeing its extrememly casual and I don't have any of the sweet, romantic side, where I'll fall for a girl and hold her hand and get all gushy, left in me (or at least it feels that way). I stay emotionally distant, although it's still really fun hanging with this girl. I find myself more interested in just getting some over developing a real connection and am even ready to start multi-dating (which I've said my whole life I'd never do). It seems like I've gained a bit of a player mindset, which I've prided myself in the past of not having. My roommate made a comment that it's like I just needed to get "broken in" to the dating scene by dating these previous girls. Has anyone else had this experience or anything like it?
123BeachFan Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 What happened with your last breakup to leave you feeling emotionally detatched and defensive towards new love?
Author SomewhatExperienced Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 What happened with your last breakup to leave you feeling emotionally detatched and defensive towards new love? My last break from a LTR was about a year an a half ago with a girl who was an amazing girlfriend in everyway. I broke up with her because the chemistry was just never there for me. I spent the last three months of the relationship trying to convince myself that I loved her and she was all I needed, but I eventually gave up an accepted the fact it just wasn't meant to be. It was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life and took me a few months to recover from. I started dating again around christmas time (although there was a short lived fling last summer). The one that hurt me was shortly after Christmas. The girl was great and acted really interested in me as if things were almost definitely going to turn into a relationship (I'm observant and even in retrospect this is the case. It wasn't just me being infatuated). This girl just flaked out on me and left me feeling very hurt, angry and confused. I dated a great girl after. Liked her but kept my distance more and things went at a snails pace, although they were progressing positively. We eventually talked (she was super busy at school) and told me that she doesn't get involved when she's in school, in extremely cautious about getting phsyical with guys (which is fine), and didn't want to get too involved in me because I'm leaving for Australia on exchange next winter. But she would have continued dating me had I not brought it up even though she had no intentions. I felt pretty annoyed and somewhat hurt about that. I guess I just chalked it up that I'll get used and abused in this "dating game", and the best way to protect myself is to not open my heart anymore, or at least be uber cautious. I used to be a romantic and girls would tell me that I'm a sweetheart etc..., but I just can't find that in myself anymore. In one way I'm sad about it, but on the other I'm actually having fun just dating casually for once. I don't know if this is good, bad or just the way its supposed to be.
stanlovesJ Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 well my experience is kind of like yours ! well im only 15 years old so obviously you have have more serious relationships. i dated one girl for about 2 months , the next for about 4 months, but i like this other girl at the same time also!... after all this it kind of feels like i had a hugeeeeeeeee orgasm and know i cant make myself interested in any girl, also im really scared of girls now and i dont really make moves on them!.....
4givrnt4gtr Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 You know, Ive been feeling a bit like you have in this new relationship Im in right now. Its like, something snapped and the hopelessly romantic side has been shut off. However, I also realized that this new person Im with has nothing to do with the other guys that have hurt me. Actually, he keeps repeting this over and over when I instinctively answer his praise with "uhh huh, heard it all before" or "you must be crazy" You can continue letting the fear of getting hurt again shut you off from letting someone who cares for you in just in case they turn out to be like the ones before. OR you can get some courage and consciously fight of the instinct to run and keep telling yourself that in the end, if you are to find someone who loves you and you can love back, then its worth it. After all, you wont die if you get hurt again.....and getting bitter, at least in my opinion, is a choice, not something inevitable.
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