abbeyroad Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I am currently in a 6 year long relationship with a man that i have been to hell and back with. We have quite a history together. A lot of good times but also some very dark memories that are better off staying hidden. I was 17 and he was 18 when we started dating and after about a year we had the conversation regarding what we were going to do about college and how we were going to be able to stay together. We decided that the way for us to both go through school and also stay together was for me to attend community college while he finished his degree. After he finished he promised to move with me so that i could finish my degree. What actually happened is this, I completed my two years of community college and was ready to transfer to a university, he found out that his school was going to take a semester longer than expected so I chose to take another semester taking classes i didn't need just so we could stay together. Because he was at a school with trimesters and i was at one with semesters he looked for a temporary job until i finished up the semester. When it came time to make the move he did not want to give up his job. I was torn apart that he had not kept his promise and called my mother that told me if i loved him that i needed to figure something out. So that is what i did. I got a dorm room at at the university and lived there 3 days a week going to school and i would drive 3 hours to another city to be with him and go to work the other part of the week. This was the most stressful thing i think i have ever had to do and i think that it played a large part in my decision to leave him. When i left him he began to see a therapist and really made an effort to change. After 3 months of no contact at all I decided to give it another chance but there were a few promises he had to make first. I made him promise to move to move in with me by the end of that year and that we would be married by the end of the next. All of this happened in July 2008. He promised all to do both but soon the end of 2008 was upon us and there was no sign of him making any changes. Then he changed it to my birthday in April 2009, then before the one year mark in july, then his birthday in 09, then christmas, then my birthday again. These promises have all been broken. I don't believe him when he says a few more months because he has been saying it for nearly 2 years now. If i bring it up it turns into a knock down drag out fight because I have hurt him in the past and he is over sensitive about it. if i don't bring it up he never does any of the work he says he has to finish in order to be able to move. Its a catch 22. If i say anything he wont do his work, if i don't say anything he wont do his work. He spends hundreds of dollars on things for himself but he has not saved a single penny for a ring. He does not even have to pay for the diamond. I have my grandmothers ring. It just needs to be reset. I feel like our entire relationship I have been put on the back burner while he does what works for him. I am worrying because i have recently started fantasizing about leaving him again. About finding someone that will keep their promises. About someone that really does want to live with me and marry me. I feel like i have put my life on hold over and over for him and he has put in very little effort to put me first. I get embarrassed when people ask me when he is going to move here and i have to say i really have no idea. They ask me if he has started looking for a job here yet and i have to say no. I went and got my haircut today by the hairdresser i have gone to since we started dating and i had to tell her that there has been absolutely no change in our situation since the last time i saw her 8 months ago. It makes me feel so insignificant. I feel like I am one of the last things in his priorities even though he tells me I'm first. I don't believe him. Is it okay for me to feel this way? Should i keep waiting?
norajane Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I feel like I am one of the last things in his priorities even though he tells me I'm first. I don't believe him. Is it okay for me to feel this way? Should i keep waiting? He's already shown you what he's about. Waiting isn't going to change anything. He has zero interest or motivation to make you his priority or to marry you. ZERO. Stop wasting your life on him. You're passing up opportunities to meet great guys who would be excited to be with you.
JustLooking123 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 In addition to what norajane said, it's important to realize that you've shown HIM that you'll stick around for whatever crumbs he'll throw your way. How many "few more months" are you willing to wait? Look at his actions, not his words.
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