"its just a piece of paper, babe, my body, heart and mind lies with you..."

[2sunny]

Would I want my daughter to be a dancer? Absolutely not. Even though I was and loved being a dancer I still think it is a dirty and degrading business no matter how “upscale” the club is. Would I want my daughter to date an emotionally and physically separated MM? No problem if that is what he truly is. Would I want my daughter to date a MM after his purposed D date? No, I'd have a big problem with that, but vernitagreen seems to be feeling guilty when she has done nothing wrong (minus the no co-worker R rule if there's one in place). I can understand that she may feel worry he may go back to his W, but if she is staying with him for the time being enjoy the moment and just see if he does as he says.

 

since she has NO evidence that he even has intentions of divorcing, he's still married. even if he states that he may think of D - it's simply empty words until he takes solid action. in the meantime she is at risk for huge heartache and misery.

 

i never saw where she stated that he's getting divorced. even getting divorced is totally separate from BEING divorced.

 

it is a rule for her work environment for a reason. now she is putting her job and income at risk for a man - an unavailable one at that.

 

there are many things here that are bound to make her life more difficult if she chooses to continue with this MM... and you are just encouraging her to put her future at risk by telling her there's no problem with it all.

 

if you can't see that there are basic principles that she is willing to cross - then i wonder why you aren't seeing the basics of decency in life as well.

 

the bad outweighs the good for her if she continues seeing him.

[ADF]

He can't divorce her because she makes more than him but he can't prove it so he'll pay alimony. On top of that, he has PROOF of his cheating and he'll have to pay alimony.

 

The rules and laws of alimony vary by state - ask a lawyer. My guess is the verifiable income gap is not so much as to trigger alimony - or make a significant difference. And cheating has ZERO to do with alimony. At best, "grey area" marital assets MIGHT go to her in this case - likely not. Wanna know why...most judges don't give a d@mn if he cheats. Again, a lawyer will tell how the judges lean.

 

He's simply fed you some BS which you happily swallowed.

 

I tell you what...go on and tell him you are going to call his W in order to hopefully talk this out and "be nice" in the divorce...tell us his reaction ok?

 

I know a little bit about this because I work in family law.

 

This man's claim about how he'll have to pay alimony is false. Alimoney--called "maintenance" in most jurisdictions--is seldom awarded unless the disparity in earning power between spouses is immense, or if one spouse is virtually unable to support him or herself. Even then, maintenance is rarely permanent. It usually only lasts a few years, during which time the less affluent spouse is supposded to get additional education or otherwise improve their earning power.

 

And, as another poster said, infidelity has zero to do with maintenance. At worst, infidelity can effect the division of martial assets, especially if you reside in an equity (as opposed to community property) state. But courts nowadays are reluctant to "punish" people for bad behavior. More often than not, infidelity has little if any effect on asset distribution.

 

Bottom line: this man is feeding this woman a load of bull.

[melodymatters]

The alimony stuff is BS. It's was not that long a marriage and there are no children.

 

He is a DJ in a strip club.

 

People in their 30's with no kids and blue collar (or no collar:cool:) jobs don't pay each other alimony in this day and age.

 

And like another poster said : is it a fault state ? ( find out) and even if so, it costs a lot more to wage a contested battle for BOTH parties, and infidelity can be tricky to prove.

 

Don't know a thing about your relationship, but his reasons for still being married are WEAK !!!!

[Tommy's Girl]

Would I want my daughter to be a dancer? Absolutely not. Even though I was and loved being a dancer I still think it is a dirty and degrading business no matter how “upscale” the club is. Would I want my daughter to date an emotionally and physically separated MM? No problem if that is what he truly is. Would I want my daughter to date a MM after his purposed D date? No, I'd have a big problem with that, but vernitagreen seems to be feeling guilty when she has done nothing wrong (minus the no co-worker R rule if there's one in place). I can understand that she may feel worry he may go back to his W, but if she is staying with him for the time being enjoy the moment and just see if he does as he says.

 

You are assuming he's not lying to her. That's why I think it's best to back away from him and see for herself what he really wants. What's wrong with staying away until he is divorced or at least until the proceedings have started? In reality, it may never happen. If it does, great. If not, why hold on for 2 more months for nothing?

[2sunny]

You are assuming he's not lying to her. That's why I think it's best to back away from him and see for herself what he really wants. What's wrong with staying away until he is divorced or at least until the proceedings have started? In reality' date=' it may never happen. If it does, great. If not, why hold on for 2 more months for nothing?[/quote']

 

or better yet, get the truth from his wife. all the info you have is second hand and never counts... simply ask his wife directly if they are in the process of divorcing.

[Hazyhead]

You could hold on and see what happens, but the fact that you're here suggests that you wont truly be happy with that; it's not an easy way to live. I don't doubt his love for you vern, but I do doubt his commitment. The only person that benefits from maintaining the status-quo is him. Long term, I can't imagine this getting any better unless you do something about it - make a stand, and if that means you have to walk away if he doesn't put you first, then I'm sorry, but perhaps that's for the best.

 

If he loves you to the extent that you deserve to be loved, which is above all else, he'll respond by doing what it takes for you to be together. If he doesn't then maybe he's not worth it.

 

I'm sorry if all this sounds harsh but I do hope you work it out in whatever way is best for you and your son.

 

For what it's worth, when I first started posting on LS, I had what I felt were harsh responses, but now I see these for the merit they had and they were right. Now, I'm just so glad to be out of that rollercoaster situation.

[her_halo_slipped]

that's because he doesn't. they don't speak unless she calls him. they don't live together. he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him. his wife knows about me. she even knows that we genuinely care for each other and that he doesn't want to be with her.

 

any other time, i'd probably be more willing to walk away..but he's so damn honest and open with me. he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him. there's no cloak and dagger, no second cell phones, none of that...he's just MARRIED.

Yes he is. And not to you. Although if what he says is true and it is just a piece of paper then soon enough he could be married to you.

I admire his honesty and maybe, just maybe he really is a good guy.

BUT (isn't there always a but).....

you have only been together a very short time. To have such concentrated feelings at your tender age after such a short time does raise a flag to me. Love is something that grows and develops and four months is so acute.You are in the endorphin fuelled honeymoon phase.

I agree with the OP who suggests that it may be WAY to early and fresh for your son to have found a new "daddy".

Please take a moment to think about what you are doing.

the married bit can be easily remedied with his pending D. The emotions and well being of a child not so easy.

I wish you the very best.

[meemee]

Follow your head and if he's really ready to move on, he'll take care of that paperwork so fast your aforementioned head will spin! If he doesn't, you've saved yourself a whole lot of wasted tme.