kogasu Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend on Satuday. It's now Monday and I've yet to hear from him. I've called and left an apology on his voicemail. I texted him that I was at the park yesterday if he wanted to join me. I called later last night and left a message asking him how he was doing. And nothing. He's just completely ignoring me. I don't know what to do! I've kept my calling to no more than once each day. I feel like if I call him repetitively then I'll drive him away but if I don't do anything then he'll stew and want to leave me. Too little time and it's over, too much and it's over. I'm driving myself insane with worry and guilt over getting in an arguement and now I don't know what to do. I don't know what he wants from me.
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Do you live far away from each other? If not, I'd go to him if I were in your place. I'd go and just ask in his face what he wants from you; an apology? Give it to him, because you are sorry. Some time to think? Give it to him. He probably needs some time. I was in the same situation as you are in right now and I could have saved mine if I'd just come to see him. I will warn you: no relationship is the same. It may well be that he is too effed up to think straight, which can end in even a worse situation than you are in now. So: listen to your heart on what to do. Best of luck to you.
Agent Thomas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I think what you are doing is the best possible thing you can do. Call once a day. Let him know you care, but don't scare him away. If he cares back, he will reply. Otherwise this relationship isn't worth saving -- because this relationship is one sided.
Author kogasu Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Thank you for the words of advice. I'm just wondering how much time should I give him before I throw in the towel?
Agent Thomas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Well, how long were you guys together and what was the fight about?
Author kogasu Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 We've been together for over two years. And honestly the fight wasn't really about anything at all. The night before I had to go to the hospital and I didn't have anyone to call because he had been out with a friend and was drinking so I knew I couldn't call him. And I've never felt more alone or sad. I told him about it but I was nonchalant about it and I guess he didn't get the severity of it for me and I didn't really at the time either. I think I was in shock over everything, and I hadn't slept or ate and was just in an unstable state of mind. I just picked a fight. And it was about nothing at all. And then it got bigger and bigger and at one point in it I asked if he even wanted to be with me and he said he did and I ask why and he said he had to because no one else would love me. Afterwards he said that that was mean and he didn't mean it but I had lost it. I threw a plastic cup at him and he asked me to leave. But I still had all the adrenaline and lack of sleep and just craziness of the night before in me and I woudn't go. Eventually he grabbed my arm and made me leave. And now we're at this point where he's ignoring me. I can't say that I blame him. I know that I acted completely insane. At the same time he said cruel things to me, I said mean things to him. I know I took it a step farther because I actually threw something at him and I am so ashamed of stooping to that level. And I know that I will never do that again because that's not the type of person that I am and I've never done something like that before. I recognize that we were both wrong and that I must initiate the apology because I took it the extra step by throwing something and not leaving when he asked me to. I know I invaded his space and didnt' show him the respect he deserved. And I'm so sorry. I can't change what I did or take it back because what's done is done. But I can take this and go forward and never do that again. But I dont' know how to put him at ease and show that I do care and love him. I don't know how to say sorry more than I already have or to prove that I'm being honest. I don't know how much space to give or whether to just give up because I don't know what he needs from me and if I can't talk to him how can I find out what he needs?
Agent Thomas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 (edited) Ah I see. Well, you have been together over two years. The chance of him simply continuing to ignore you into oblivion at this point, is bleak. Especially considering he said cruel things too. He knows he isn't innocent, and more than likely just needs time to cool off. Rest assured, I would place my bet with a hefty amount of cash, that this isn't over yet. The things you said here, though -- things like how you didn't mean it, and how you see you were wrong -- I'd write that down and tell him it whenever you do talk, if he wants to discuss the situation. Overall, all you can do is wait now. Two years is a long time to throw away on one fight, though, and the chances of him just going straight No Contact til the cows come home, is probably around the same chance of space aliens abducting me tonight. (Unless this guy has a track record of being an *******) Some universal advice for you and all people reading this: Don't ever resort to personal attacks to gain leverage in an argument, whether with someone you love, or some random person. Personal attacks (ad hominem attacks) are the quickest way for you to look like a fool and lose the argument. Never bring up past issues to gain leverage in a fight, either -- focus on why you are fighting, and work through it. Only bring up past issues if those past issues are DIRECTLY relevant to this argument. PERIOD! Edited April 12, 2010 by Agent Thomas
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