SouthernSunshine Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 This section is for the OW & OM... but all I see are other women. So where are the men at?? I'd like to hear your story....
ADF Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Huh. I never noticed before, but you're right. OM are pretty scarce on here. I don't know why. But I suspect that many of them are just less conflicted about their affairs than the OW are. To men, affairs are often about one thing and one thing only: sex. Nothing much to think about beyond that.
Confused4Now Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I'm a OM in a 4 year and 4 month situation. If you read my story you'll know that I was a MM and got my divorce and have been officially single now for 11 months. I really don't have much to offer other than I have very limited contact with MW. I'm more focused on my kids and work and my health. I've been dating.
joey66 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 To men, affairs are often about one thing and one thing only: sex. Nothing much to think about beyond that. That is soooooooo not true!
Woggle Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 There are some but most OM know exactly why they are doing what they are doing. Very few men actually look at MW as relationship material.
jthorne Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 There are some but most OM know exactly why they are doing what they are doing. Very few men actually look at MW as relationship material.I disagree to this somewhat. I think those OM that are just looking for a piece of a$$ don't post here. Why would they need to? I do think that most of the OM that post here choose to post here because they truly have feelings for the MW and are struggling in the A. Since most OM are assumed to be predatory, they simply don't post to avoid the harassment.
Woggle Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I disagree to this somewhat. I think those OM that are just looking for a piece of a$$ don't post here. Why would they need to? I do think that most of the OM that post here choose to post here because they truly have feelings for the MW and are struggling in the A. Since most OM are assumed to be predatory, they simply don't post to avoid the harassment. This explains the lack of OM posting on here.
MorningCoffee Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Huh. I never noticed before, but you're right. OM are pretty scarce on here. I don't know why. But I suspect that many of them are just less conflicted about their affairs than the OW are. To men, affairs are often about one thing and one thing only: sex. Nothing much to think about beyond that. I was, until recently, an OM. There was a LOT more to our R than sex. We fell in love gradually over two years -- the EA part lasted about a year, and the physical A was the last several months. My presence in her life was always known to her H, but not the full extent -- how far the R had grown -- and once that came out, it was NC, they are in counseling. I have no illusions there is a future for me with this MW, but for all the pain, and there's PLENTY, I would not have done anything differently. It was one of the best Rs of my life. I will always love her.
Author SouthernSunshine Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 My ex BF always said that, "When I see my friend with an attractive woman who is sweet & kind, I say to myself, "I want a woman like that"... but when a woman sees their friend with a nice man who is attractive, & smart, they say, "I want him, I want that guy"! SO funny!!!
herenow Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 My ex BF always said that, "When I see my friend with an attractive woman who is sweet & kind, I say to myself, "I want a woman like that"... but when a woman sees their friend with a nice man who is attractive, & smart, they say, "I want him, I want that guy"! SO funny!!! Funny, but not true right? Even as a teenager, I would never think about touching a guy one of my friends even liked. I will go out on a limb and say that most women are better friends than you say in this post.
Peter Attis Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It is quite interesting that this board is more filled with women while the separation/divorce board is more filled with men.
herenow Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It is quite interesting that this board is more filled with women while the separation/divorce board is more filled with men. That is very interesting. Having not read that board, are you saying that many men get divorced when they are not happy in their marriage?
Confused4Now Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It is quite interesting that this board is more filled with women while the separation/divorce board is more filled with men.That's pretty hard to believe since the statistic's say that 75% of divorces filed are by women.....interesting.
HURT LOVER Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I was in a 12 yr relationship with a MW who is married 22 yrs. We recently split it hurt like hell. I believed all the pillow talk about us being together. Now we don't talk, well not like we use to. I know I screwed up by letting him know about us. I was so mad with her breaking up the way she did with me. One minute I love you and I want to be with you. Next minute I don't want this and you do your thing. I mean damn how do you play with someone's emotions like that. Now I hurt like hell crazy thing she still talks to me. I don't know what's going on anymore.
MizzBlue72 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I think a lot of OM do not post on here because they get a lot of crap for it. More than the OW.
White Flower Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 It is quite interesting that this board is more filled with women while the separation/divorce board is more filled with men. Excellent point. Women tend to leave M quicker than men while men tend to fight for M even if unhappy in them. Men tend to see D as failure while women tend to see D as victory. Generally speaking of course.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I too was an OM for a short spell in my life. It was about conquest, revenge and crazy animal sex But I found MW to be easy, like shooting fish in a barrel and not much of a challange What I don't understand, is why the LTR's with a MW? Why take the chance of getting badly hurt or worse when the BH finds out?
joey66 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I too was an OM for a short spell in my life. It was about conquest, revenge and crazy animal sex But I found MW to be easy, like shooting fish in a barrel and not much of a challange What I don't understand, is why the LTR's with a MW? Why take the chance of getting badly hurt or worse when the BH finds out? Same reason you might have a LTR with anyone else and take the chance of being hurt. There seems to be an assumption that a relationship with an MW is a game almost. MW are " ... not much of a challange (sic) ..." Is it not possible to fall in love with someone even if she is already married? Must an affair always be about conquest and sex?
grogster Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 (edited) Men currently in affairs don't come here because they're usually having far too much fun to sit by a keyboard and confess their indiscretions to complete strangers over the Internet. Men also prefer to have, as oppose to discuss, relationships. Let me think: would I rather have great sport sex with my MW or come here and get mugged for being a cheat and home wrecker? The Shack, however, does have its fair share of rueful former Other Men. Guys, like myself who, once the affair fog has lifted, and the damaged emotional landscape revealed, ask themselves and others: "What the fu#k was I thinking?" or "How could I have done this?" A reformed OM is most often a former OM. Edited April 14, 2010 by grogster
Snowflower Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 That is very interesting. Having not read that board, are you saying that many men get divorced when they are not happy in their marriage? That's pretty hard to believe since the statistic's say that 75% of divorces filed are by women.....interesting. Okay, so I went over to the Divorce Boards and just did a quick browse around. My unofficial observations, which of course is based on very quick sampling of the threads/posts there... There does appear to be more men posting about their divorce than there are women. Many of these men are struggling with the divorce their WIVES have filed for. A common theme is the wife has had an affair and is leaving for the OM. Many of the women who are posting in the Divorce section are contemplating leaving their husbands/marriages themselves. These are of course incomplete generalizations but it appears to be the trend, on LS and on other forums...where I think it is even pronounced. I think the Divorce boards are rather the opposite of the Infidelity/OW & OM boards where there are predominantly women posting. Of course there are plenty of posts by both genders in all of these sections but there is definitely a trend. I think it generally all boils down to the phrase, "Women mourn the relationship while they are still in it," meaning more women post on the Infidelity and OW/OM forums where they are in fact mourning the loss/change of the relationship while they are still in it. OTOH the second part of the phrase is, "Men mourn the relationship once the relationship is over," which makes sense since proportionally more men are posting on the Divorce forum and their relationship has ended. Thoughts?
In_Repair Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 The Shack, however, does have its fair share of rueful former Other Men. Guys, like myself who, once the affair fog has lifted, and the damaged emotional landscape revealed, ask themselves and others: "What the fu#k was I thinking?" or "How could I have done this?" I'm in that group
2.50 a gallon Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 joey66 The kind of pain I was referring to was physical pain. When a BH first finds out about his cheating wife, quite often his human way of thinking is replaced with the primitive reptilian brain. The OM has put himself in the middle of a battlefield and invaded the territory of the BH. I have seen it turn very brutal. As to falling love with a MW, WHY? To do so is to put yourself in the middle of a mine field, for a proven cheater. How can you every really trust a cheating woman?
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