Serenity Silver Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 BACKDROP: I've known him for 3 years since the start of college. We are dating each other now since March. Supposedly he's just been really busy. We both go to different schools now, me in the city, he's still near the old college. So here we are, March comes along and we meet up. I slept with him for the first time and everything was great. We were all smiles, conversation, in his bed just talking about everything and anything, he couldn't keep his hands off of me, always kissing me and telling me random things, everything seemed to go really well! I was really happy that I chose to give him a chance because I had been struggling with an answer to that question for so long and just said the hell with it, why not. The days that followed were great; we spoke, I invited him to my birthday weekend and the plan was (still is..) his friends that we have in common would come as well, along with other friends that I have. BUT here's when the ugly comes in.... The day of his Birthday I sent him a text. No reply. I sent another one late in the day. No reply. Okay, no problem, he's probably having fun. And then it hits me, WHY WASN'T I INVITED?? But next day comes, I call him, straight to voicemail, I text, no reply back. It was until 3 DAYS LATER when I sent him a text saying "You are officially the worst person to keep in touch with" that he finally texts me, not calls, and says he's been extremely busy and that it's nothing personal. Today I left him a message on his phone in the morning around 9:30 a.m. and I get NO REPLY and yet I go on facebook to check my inbox and to my surprise I see him on there posting to others and doing everything but trying to work on a relationship with me. I haven't let a guy get close to me in a while and finally when I let him in I feel like he's brushing me off, whether he's doing it on purpose or not. MY QUESTION IS, should I just forget him? Because I see him putting no real effort. You could be really busy and still give me 2 minutes of your time, just 2 minutes, no, not even? But he's not too busy for facebook -_-
VertexSquared Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 If he can respond to friends on Facebook, he can respond to a text message on a phone. People who are interested make the effort to reply. They make time for you. In this case it would seem that he's trying to distance himself.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Am I the only one that doesn't like Facebook? Arg.
ADF Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 "I'm really busy" one of the most common and lamest reasons a man can give for ignoring you. If a man really wants to talk to a woman, he'll find time. Heck, he'll MAKE time. His behavior is clearly evasive. My bet is you are one of many women in his life.
CarrieT Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 His actions speak volumes. If he wanted to see you again, he would be pursuing you. He got some sex and is probably isn't interested in a relationship...
Mutant Debutante Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 He's stringing you along. Shut him out and move along, never put up that crap.
boogieboy Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I guess youve never ignored anyone when you wanted to blow them off, so you dont get th hint? He got what he wanted and is searching facebook for his next victim. Forget about him.
make me believe Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Nobody is "too busy" to send a quick text. If he was interested in pursuing a relationship with you, you would know. He would be making an effort, not ignoring EVERY text/phonecall from you. Also, in my experience, you can't put too much stock into how a guy acts after sex. I mean, lots of guys get kinda mushy after sex with the kissing & sweet talk. That doesn't mean he's interested in actually having a relationship with you, it means he's interested in having sex with you again.
RobM Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Am I the only one that doesn't like Facebook? Arg. Damn, and I was going to friend you, but then I remember I don't have facebook.
tigressA Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Ah, it wasn't too long ago when I had my own experience with this. Everyone who's posted here already is correct, and you can add my own opinion to the chorus: He's not interested anymore; he got what he wanted from you. Move on. It doesn't matter what he said or did when you were together, what matters is what he's been doing since you've been apart, and it's called ignoring you. It sucks, certainly, but better to know now than to continue wasting your time and effort on him when he's not making any effort toward developing anything more with you.
Arasae Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 To quote Greg Behrendt.. "'Busy' is another word for '*******'. '*******' is another word for the guy you're dating." People who want to see you will do whatever it takes to do so; he's clearly a selfish jerk-face, so he doesn't deserve any more of your precious time. =)
123BeachFan Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Well, you see he's on Facebook. So you know he wasn't hit by a bus and laying pathetically in a coma in a hospital on the other side of town. Phew. So, now you know he's ignoring you and it's not just that he's unable to get to phone/computer to return your messages. Don't make another attempt at contacting him. He's blowing you off. He'll either contact you in his own time, or (better odds) ignore you until this whole thing blows over. I am sorry.
tigressA Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 He'll either contact you in his own time And just for the record, if he does this, ignore it. Don't let him think that you'll allow him to treat you like he has been and come right back around.
sagetalk Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 "I'm really busy" one of the most common and lamest reasons a man can give for ignoring you. If a man really wants to talk to a woman, he'll find time. Heck, he'll MAKE time. His behavior is clearly evasive. My bet is you are one of many women in his life. There is actually a beautiful young women doing this very thing to me right now. "I'm very busy, I'll get back with you". I've known her for awhile but we have never been serious. I have assumed that there are other guys in the picture (usually happens with young attractive women). But we are not dating, so I guess I'll let things happen as they may. To the OP, since you are in a dating relationship and this is happening, it is a bad sign. Had the girl I mentioned above been my girlfriend and treated me like this, she would be gone. To pursue is one thing, but after you are a couple, it's a bad sign. I would guess there are other girls.
Crazy Magnet Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I co-sign what every one else has said. If he had time for facebook, which is time consuming, then he has enough time to text or return a phone call. He got his piece of tail and that's all he wanted. There's not a reason to talk to you again until he wants another piece. Move on.
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Usually, I would be the one to advise people to "relax, calm down... dont be so impatient... they told you they were busy, etc."... but after describing the situation and time frame involved, no invite to Bday, only when you make an aggressive text, do you get a response and his time consuming use of FB.... then I would have to say: you are being taken for granted. Doesnt mean he is a colassal d0usche (unless he is out and out ingoring you)... it just means he most likely needs to be taught a lesson, like you severing ties with him and leaving him high and dry. No reason to degrade yourself or question what you have done or decided... it was for the right reasons, but us guys, especially at that age, are just totally ignorant and stupid of what we want, much less what a woman wants. best to pick yourself up, feel better and move on.
Author Serenity Silver Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Usually, I would be the one to advise people to "relax, calm down... dont be so impatient... they told you they were busy, etc."... but after describing the situation and time frame involved, no invite to Bday, only when you make an aggressive text, do you get a response and his time consuming use of FB.... then I would have to say: you are being taken for granted. Doesnt mean he is a colassal d0usche (unless he is out and out ingoring you)... it just means he most likely needs to be taught a lesson, like you severing ties with him and leaving him high and dry. No reason to degrade yourself or question what you have done or decided... it was for the right reasons, but us guys, especially at that age, are just totally ignorant and stupid of what we want, much less what a woman wants. best to pick yourself up, feel better and move on. I believe you're right there. To quote part of the text he sent me after I told him that I feel he's tired of me, he writes back "No lol not at all...honestly you could ask anyone I'm a really busy person...working all day...I'm always doing something but I'm not tired of you at all" -_-. My guts tell me ehhh. And he hasn't contacted me since that night, I am being taken for granted. I just don't understand how I never saw this coming, not like this. I kept thinking what did I do wrong but I did NOTHING wrong. If anything I was great; never overbearing, couldn't be if I wanted to, it's not like I'm always in his presence (sp?) and I don't call constantly with stupid reasoning behind it, but oh well, life. I've decided today that I will text him, I really don't want to but I have that nagging feeling that if I call he won't even pick up so what the hell. I'm starting to see he is not the type of person to confront an issue like this face-to-face, he's a coward and a liar and I do believe he's possibly interested in other girls. So I have to resort to his tool of safety, texting, whatever. I just can't believe I was used. I'm a month shy of 21 and after all of this I think I've seen it all lol. Though, you have to understand where I'm coming from, I WANT TO KNOW, I just want to know why he did it, I want to hear it from him. But I'm probably not going to get that because he's throwing off the vibe of a coward. I am ending all ties with him, 3 years of having him in my mind because I thought of 'what if', all that is just a lesson learned now. People like him will get a gorgeous dose of Karma, it's only people like me who will find it gorgeous, it'll be brilliant. I'm just happy I'm taking it well, people always say this is catastrophic but it depends I guess, maybe somewhere in my mind I did know better but it just didn't come into light till now. I don't know lol, thank you.
Rorschach Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I believe you're right there. To quote part of the text he sent me after I told him that I feel he's tired of me, he writes back "No lol not at all...honestly you could ask anyone I'm a really busy person...working all day...I'm always doing something but I'm not tired of you at all" -_-. My guts tell me ehhh. And he hasn't contacted me since that night, I am being taken for granted. I just don't understand how I never saw this coming, not like this. I kept thinking what did I do wrong but I did NOTHING wrong. If anything I was great; never overbearing, couldn't be if I wanted to, it's not like I'm always in his presence (sp?) and I don't call constantly with stupid reasoning behind it, but oh well, life. I've decided today that I will text him, I really don't want to but I have that nagging feeling that if I call he won't even pick up so what the hell. I'm starting to see he is not the type of person to confront an issue like this face-to-face, he's a coward and a liar and I do believe he's possibly interested in other girls. So I have to resort to his tool of safety, texting, whatever. I just can't believe I was used. I'm a month shy of 21 and after all of this I think I've seen it all lol. Though, you have to understand where I'm coming from, I WANT TO KNOW, I just want to know why he did it, I want to hear it from him. But I'm probably not going to get that because he's throwing off the vibe of a coward. I am ending all ties with him, 3 years of having him in my mind because I thought of 'what if', all that is just a lesson learned now. People like him will get a gorgeous dose of Karma, it's only people like me who will find it gorgeous, it'll be brilliant. I'm just happy I'm taking it well, people always say this is catastrophic but it depends I guess, maybe somewhere in my mind I did know better but it just didn't come into light till now. I don't know lol, thank you. I'm of the belief that people who cheat (or just spend less and less time with you while they're trying to find somebody else) do it for one reason and one reason only. They've already decided that they don't really want to be with you, but they're too big a coward to break up with you and go without any sort of girlfriend/boyfriend for a period of time until they can find another one. It's much safer to just stay with somebody that you like well enough and fills that need for SOMEBODY, then it is to just make the leap and find somebody else. Dump the guy, he's already mentally moved on, and go find somebody who appreciates you more.
dazzle22 Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Unfortunate situation with a calloused player. Trust me, unfortunately you have not 'seen everything' at 21. People are still giving me negative surprises and I am 53. That is why I give no one 'the benefit of the doubt'. Everyone must prove themselves over time to be worthy of my trust and affection. I wish someone had told ME that at 21. Would have saved me a world of grief..
Author Serenity Silver Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 I'LL BE WRITING THE MESSAGE I JUST EXCHANGED WITH HIM (which is as pathetic as they get..) **Through texting. B/c he sucks at real communication.. ME: "Are you still going to AC May -- to -- b/c I need to know today kus I need to fill that spot if ur not. If I don't get a response today then I have to give it up. sry late notice. (forgive my short hand texting style. I tried to set up my opening and see what he says differently know b/c mind you, he said that he was DEFINITELY coming to my party...watch) HIM: I honestly (there he goes using that word again..) don't even know, fill my spot. I think I'm going to go but Im not positive. (name) may have a free room so I may room with him. ME: Sure. I would've called to play to say this in person kus I hate texting but firgured ur busy with work n school (should've added Facebook..). Not to be a bitch but I don't think this is gonna work out I'm getting all the wrong vibes from you and I feel its for the best. if you know me, anything about me, i dont want to make you mad, i hate that but i want to be honest. im trying thru crappy texting ME: Don't try to be nice and say maybe to AC lol ( I put the lol to light things up, like I said I don't wanna give too much of the 'bitch' vibe..) it'll be weird if you came. It's best if we end everything now then never say anything and wonder what later. HIM (after a while, mind you): Ok. i don't know what you want me to say. **so typical. Other guys in his place would of said anything but that, not have to think of what I want them to say. Please...that's weak dude. ME: never asked you to say anything. its chill. HIM: Alright ? Um. This just validates a few things that I questioned. If he had anything to say it would've made me believe he was fighting for us in some small way, but I guess he doesn't do too well with confrontations (IN A TEXT?? C'MON....). only time will tell what'll happen next. And I can guarantee if anyone thinks of contacting the other it'll be him contacting me. I'm done wasting my time with him. I feel better, I wanna swim in the waters of a tropical island, I want to race on a motorcylce, I feel so much better lol!!!! I'm corny, yes lol.
make me believe Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Ok...now DON'T CONTACT HIM ANYMORE!!! And if he tries to contact you, IGNORE HIM.
Rorschach Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Ok...now DON'T CONTACT HIM ANYMORE!!! And if he tries to contact you, IGNORE HIM. This. And is that you in your avatar? What a jerk... some guys don't know what they have, you can do better. Go enjoy life.
Author Serenity Silver Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 This. And is that you in your avatar? What a jerk... some guys don't know what they have, you can do better. Go enjoy life. Thank you I will. I feel new somehow lol. **I had to put a picture up, I was hesitant to put it up incase anybody I know saw me here and said "crap, I know who she's talking about!" But I don't care, I have nothing to hide, I'm not the one who was trying to dodge the bullets. Eventually I'll find someone worth it. In no rush for a man ^_^
sagetalk Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Thank you I will. I feel new somehow lol. **I had to put a picture up, I was hesitant to put it up incase anybody I know saw me here and said "crap, I know who she's talking about!" But I don't care, I have nothing to hide, I'm not the one who was trying to dodge the bullets. Eventually I'll find someone worth it. In no rush for a man ^_^ It amazes me how stupid some guys are. He should just tell you the truth. It seems the dumber they are, the more romantic options they have available to them. From what you posted, it doesn't seem that you've done anything wrong other than think this guy was great. You could have said "we are not cool", instead of "it's chill". That makes it seem like you are ok with his behavior. I didn't see many messages where you let him know how you really felt. It makes it seem that you are trying to keep a backdoor open to let him right back in. He will probably try to use you for sex in the future, do not let him. You've been warned. Drop all contact for your own good. You're only 21 and you don't know anything about guys, get that attitude instead of thinking you've seen it all. The more physically beautiful you are, the more vulnerable you are to players and guys using you for sex. Many of them have mastered it and you don't stand a chance. Look for honesty, faithfulness, and commitment in a man and you'll be in a whole different world of men from guys like him. I hope the best for you and that you are able to find a guy that wants a real relationship and not just sexual encounters.
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