armin Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I've a friend Jack, who's been seeing this girl Lauren for almost four years (they've been living together for about 6 months). He's been a friend of mine since high school, and we're almost 30. Lauren is very beautiful but she's also eight years younger than us. There's no way to say it without sounding completely shallow, but this girl is way out of Jack's league in appearance. She can't walk through a bar, gym, even the grocery store without guys overtly hitting on her. She gets attention. Jack's an average looking dude. I haven't seen Jack very much the last few years, I moved to a different part of the country years back. But now my job has brought me back to the area, so the last two months we've been getting together more often. The first time I met Lauren, I was not comfortable around her. I've always felt that she's been a little too friendly towards me. Her hugs hello and goodbye are a little too strong, her light touches seem a little more than platonic. And I have a heard time even looking her in the eyes. Every time I look at her I feel pulled in, very attracted to her. I'm a very good looking guy, and I feel like every time her and I talk there's flirting going on and it's embarrassing. A buddy's girl and his exes are always off limits. I value Jack's friendship. So I'd never do anything to initiate any kind of transgression. Last Friday night a group of four of us went out. Jack and Lauren, myself and one of Lauren's friends. After dinner the four of us drove together to a nearby bar. After the bar (we'd had one glass of wine at dinner, two rounds at a the bar in a four hour time period), Jack drove me back to my car, Lauren sat in the back seat behind me. It was getting late, we were tired, and there was little chatter in the car. Then it happened. I felt a hand touch the right side of my head, fingers through my hair, my ear... Two or three seconds felt like an eternity as I tried to figure out what was going on when I quickly brushed her hand off as I shifted in my seat to disguise the display. Bam, seconds later the hand was back, and I did it a second time, a little more forcefully. The third time, I had to say lightheartedly, "hey, quit that," too which Jack asks, "what's she doing?" I don't know if he suspected what was going on, or his question was just an obvious response. Anyway, she says, "I was just poking him in the head." She certainly was not. Jack is very crazy about this girl. Jack's a great guy, I can easily understand how he could attract a girl of her caliber (okay, her looks). Do I say something to him about this or what? I don't want to see my bud be made into a chump.
make me believe Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 It sounds like you're reading way too much into this "flirting" because YOU are attracted to HER and are interpreting everything she does as coming onto you. The thing in the car was maybe inappropriate, but not overly so. If it concerns you, you can always tell your friend that things like that make you uncomfortable, but honestly if you go to him and say "her hugs are 'too strong' and I can't look her in the eyes because I'm so attracted to her.......tell her to quit flirting with me!!" you're going to look foolish. She is probably just being friendly but you're hoping it's flirting because the idea of a hot 22 year old hitting on you makes you feel good.
CarrieT Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 The third time, I had to say lightheartedly, "hey, quit that," too which Jack asks, "what's she doing?" I don't know if he suspected what was going on, or his question was just an obvious response. Anyway, she says, "I was just poking him in the head." She certainly was not. This is easy. You are never EVER alone with her and when/if she does something like this again, you say to your friend, "Hey, Jack, tell your girlfriend to keep her hands off me." It will speak volumes and put it out in the open. How he takes it from there is his problem.
Author armin Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Thanks for the responses, it helps to have other perspectives and opinions, they help tremendously. I failed to mention our dialogue. Having three way conversations with Lauren I often times feel she shows her age. I remember being her age and talking to girls I would frequently agree (just to have something in common) with them in hopes of creating a connection which was really just based on being attracted to them. I feel Jack must see this...either he's in denial, he's dealing with it, or he's oblivious. And no, it's not wishful thinking on my part. I believe I'm a fairly intuitive person and very in tune with reality. Anyway, I feel the best thing to do is say nothing. It's not easy to admit, but I probably do make unnecessary eye contact, and I probably do take unnecessary glances. Though I make an serious effort not to when Jack is around. The more I think about this, and the more I type it out, the more I feel like I may be partially to blame for this situation. REMEMBER - Jack's my bud, we'll probably be each others best man in the future. Ultimately, he needs to see for himself how she acts and he should be rid of her. And I need to start acting like a friend and controlling myself.
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