EyesOpened Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I think it's such a shame for your husband that he's still married to you. How can you stay with him feeling the way that you do? What is the point? You say that there is hope for your marriage but with the way your talk about your AP there isn't; you can't concentrate on one partner whilst still obsessed with another. Do something proactive for the sake of your husband. As for your affair partner - that's going nowhere as the two of you are cowards. NC has to be wanted and you don't want it. I see this ending badly. I agree with Hazy - and feel for your Husband. I was in the same situation and KNEW that there is no way to have any hope for my M if I was still in my A in any way. Attimes I had thought about leaving my H and just being the OW - but then decided that I would be selling myself short and that if my x-MM really loved me, he would leave too. You cannot honestly work on your M if there is a third party involved, as you are not giving 100% to your Husband.
Passion4Life Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Not necessarily. My abusive exSO was also willing to stay with me despite my affair. well from op's posts it doesn't look like he is abusive but I think only she can answer that . why I said decent because many men would simply like to get rid of an unfaithful spouse especially when there are no kids involved , rather than stay with a cheater .
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Because he truly wants to make it work and doesn't want to give up on her... But this ultimatum was inevitable he's coming to the end of his rope and wants a solid decision even if he wants to drag it outta kmm.. My advice to her is if you dont want to be married, LEAVE, Just GO. Your husband in the long run will be better off after he's healed without you! If you dont want to stay and be a true wife and lover and everything wrapped up in one then kick rocks! If not, get over your A, and reconsile. its not worth it being in limbo for you and him.
pureinheart Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 thats right , I think OP' husband is a decent man who is willing to stay with her despite her affair . Says a lot about him Hey P4L, In some cases there are reasons why the A started in the first place, for me, when I was a WS this was the case. My exH knew he wasn't the greatest as far as being a H and the exit A spoke volumns and he knew it. Sometimes it's a last ditch effort brought on by guilt.
Samantha0905 Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 You're right, it definitely seems as though we are staying in our M's for the wrong reasons. The only possibility I can think of is that maybe without the OM in my life, I will see what my M truly means to me. If not, then this will only validate the fact that I should get out. Maybe it's just a way for the MM and I to delay the inevitable. However, I know that my H has made great strides lately to fix our problems and be a better person, so the problems we originally had seem to be improving. The only thing that appears to be standing in the way of our M is the feelings I have for the OM. I think you may be right. Stay away from the OM -- take him completely out of your life -- and see if things get better. You say your husband is making great strides. Perhaps with the OM out of the picture you can become focused enough eventually to do the same -- make strides toward repairing your marriage. Your OM is staying in his marriage by choice -- regardless of the reasons he tells you. I don't buy it's just because he doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings. That may play into it, but even that suggests his feelings for her. Maybe he thinks he can work on his marriage and it's worth trying to save. I wouldn't immediately jump on the get a divorce wagon. The only people who truly know the state of your marriage is you and your husband.
pureinheart Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I think you may be right. Stay away from the OM -- take him completely out of your life -- and see if things get better. You say your husband is making great strides. Perhaps with the OM out of the picture you can become focused enough eventually to do the same -- make strides toward repairing your marriage. Your OM is staying in his marriage by choice -- regardless of the reasons he tells you. I don't buy it's just because he doesn't want to hurt his wife's feelings. That may play into it, but even that suggests his feelings for her. Maybe he thinks he can work on his marriage and it's worth trying to save. I wouldn't immediately jump on the get a divorce wagon. The only people who truly know the state of your marriage is you and your husband. ((((((((((Samantha))))))))) Soooooo good to see you, I was a bit worried ...anyway what you are saying makes a lot of sense. I think the most important thing is to focus on her M, and amke any decisions based on the state of her M, not if OM will be with her.
Passion4Life Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Hey P4L, In some cases there are reasons why the A started in the first place, for me, when I was a WS this was the case. My exH knew he wasn't the greatest as far as being a H and the exit A spoke volumns and he knew it. Sometimes it's a last ditch effort brought on by guilt. this is last ditch effort by who ? sorry your last line wasn't clear to me , could u explain ?
Recommended Posts