counterman Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I've heard people use this term before and today I heard it again. One of my acquaintances is "taking it slow" with one of my girl friends. He's actually pretty good friends with her and consequently keeps saying they're friends but he does admit that he likes her. With this girl, a relationship is furthest from her mind. She's very out-going and very friendly but, when it comes to a relationship, it's that that important to her at the moment. When I think of taking it slow... I think that he's waiting for her to show an obvious sign that she's interested before he asks her out. I mean, how long is she going to wait for him to ask her out if she was interested? Wouldn't he be friend-zoned already after being friends with her for a year? Personally, I wouldn't wait too long to ask a girl out that I am interested in. It seems as though I'm putting all my hopes into something that might not work and might ruin a friendship. What do you guys think? Does taking it slow work in some situations?
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 In my very recent experience (as in the past couple weeks), if a girl wants to "take it slow," it usually means that she's not interested enough in you to want to get involved and she's hoping to draw it out for as long as possible for one of two reasons: (1) her interest level rises as time goes on and she learns more about you (more unlikely case); or (2) she just wants some attention for the time being until she finds someone new that she's actually interested in (much more likely case). Now in your friend's case, him wanting to "take it slow" makes no real sense...not sure what he's trying to do...
phineas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 In order to take it slow both parties have to actually be on the same page. This sounds like the friendzone.
phineas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 In my very recent experience (as in the past couple weeks), if a girl wants to "take it slow," it usually means that she's not interested enough in you to want to get involved and she's hoping to draw it out for as long as possible for one of two reasons: (1) her interest level rises as time goes on and she learns more about you (more unlikely case); or (2) she just wants some attention for the time being until she finds someone new that she's actually interested in (much more likely case). Now in your friend's case, him wanting to "take it slow" makes no real sense...not sure what he's trying to do... Yeah. taking it slow is usually followed by "I don't want a relationship based on sex"
Arasae Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I'd like to know if this works, too. What if the guy wants to take things slow? Does that, too, imply that the guy simply isn't all that attracted to you?
USMCHokie Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I'd like to know if this works, too. What if the guy wants to take things slow? Does that, too, imply that the guy simply isn't all that attracted to you? If a guy wants to "take it slow," it generally means he has other women in his life and is seeing they will work out...if they don't work out, he will suddenly want to speed things up with it's "your turn"...if the other women work out, you won't hear from him again... So as a general rule of thumb, if a person is truly interested in you, they won't need to play stupid games or "take it slow"...it's all a ploy...
Agent Thomas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 If a guy wants to "take it slow," it generally means he has other women in his life and is seeing they will work out...if they don't work out, he will suddenly want to speed things up with it's "your turn"...if the other women work out, you won't hear from him again... So as a general rule of thumb, if a person is truly interested in you, they won't need to play stupid games or "take it slow"...it's all a ploy... Yeah, man, and the Government knows but denies knowledge of aliens. Get your tin foil hat, it's all a conspiracy
make me believe Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 So as a general rule of thumb, if a person is truly interested in you, they won't need to play stupid games or "take it slow"...it's all a ploy... I totally agree. If a person is really into you, they won't WANT to "take it slow." Taking it slow is usually just a way to try to let someone down gently, or keep them on the sidelines in case nothing better comes along. Counterman, in the situation you described it sounds like the guy is just too much of a wuss to make a move on this girl so he uses the excuse that he's "taking it slow."
Agent Thomas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 (edited) Come on, are you serious? You seriously think people who say they want to take it slow, are using it as an excuse? With my current girlfriend, I told her I want to take it slow. I had no other girls lined up, and I thought she was extremely attractive physically and personality wise. I told her I wanted to take it slow because hot fires burn out fast. Come on, this should be common sense. I'll humor you, though -- you should go ahead and take things fast, then you tell me how that's working out for you in about a year. Edited April 12, 2010 by Agent Thomas 1
Author counterman Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Thomas, no one is talking about taking it slow whilst in a relationship. It's taking it slow when trying to ask as girl out. If I was in a relationship, I wouldn't go too fast too but if I am asking a girl out, it wouldn't be dragged on too long. I do think that taking it slow it a ploy sometimes. I can't really say because I haven't really had any knowledge or experience of it. I think if taking it slow means waiting a long while before asking a girl out, she might lose interest by the time you plan on asking. If, however it is a relationship, I agree that it could be you don't want to go too fast and jump in the sack straight way. But, there's taking it slower... and taking it sloooooow. I agree with make me believe. I think he is scared of rejection. He's been friends with her for a year now and I think he's most likely been friendzoned but throughout that time and still now, he does like her. I don't see how "taking it slow" will somehow spark interest in her if she's not already interested or how it will help if she is interested. Maybe some people take it slow so that if the girl is interested enough, she will ask him out? Seems to be the best way would be to just ask her out and see if she agrees to it. It also seems as though it might be being friends but hoping for more. What do you guys think? Bare in mind, I'm not interfering with any matters or anything. I'm just curious about all of this because I've heard it so many times before but never really understood it.
USMCHokie Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I agree with make me believe. I think he is scared of rejection. He's been friends with her for a year now and I think he's most likely been friendzoned but throughout that time and still now, he does like her. I don't see how "taking it slow" will somehow spark interest in her if she's not already interested or how it will help if she is interested. Maybe some people take it slow so that if the girl is interested enough, she will ask him out? Seems to be the best way would be to just ask her out and see if she agrees to it. It also seems as though it might be being friends but hoping for more. What do you guys think? This is how passive men get around their fear of rejection. They avoid getting rejected by waiting for the girl to ask them out. This is not "taking it slow" or what have you. There is no "taking it slow" in asking someone out... How old is this guy...? And has he ever gone out with a girl...? He is acting like a kid in middle school that has a crush on a girl in his class... The real world doesn't work like the movies do...girls aren't going to suddenly fall for their guy friend who is "always there for them"...it sounds a lot like that Taylor Swift song "You Belong With Me"...and your friend is hoping that this girl will realize one day that they are meant to be together or something...yuck...
ADF Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Taking slow sounds like a good idea, but it usually doesn't work in real life. The reason is any unattached, attractive woman is likely going to be targeted by several men at the same time. If a guy takes it too slow, tries to be "friends first," he is just going to pushed aside by some other guy who is more aggressive. Then, he is stuck in the dreaded Friend Zone.
Zapbasket Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 I think "taking it slow" can mean a lot of things. It can mean really taking the time to get to know a person and figure out how to relate to them on a range of levels--intellectually, emotionally, as friends, as lovers. It can also be a disguise for ambivalence--either about having a relationship, or about a particular person. Right now I'm dealing with a situation that's slow to evolve. The guy is much less aggressive than I'm used to and I'm unsure what it means. Is he ambivalent about me? Is he ambivalent about getting involved emotionally with someone right now? Or does he know exactly what he wants and he's a) just using me until someone more suitable for him comes along, or b) biding his time until conditions are just right for "us"? My personal preference is that someone be pretty up front from the beginning regarding their interest. Otherwise it's too hard to tell whether you're developing a friendship together, or something more. I think it's hard to establish a balance between aggressiveness and letting things bloom in their own time, if they are to bloom at all. That's the trick, that balance. So, in sum, I think "taking it slow" has its place, but it has different meanings and thus introduces a lot of pitfalls.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 It's such a rationalizing phrase. People who want relationships tend to jump the gun on things like falling " in love" too fast then they bring out that phrase to help them take a step back. If someone actually uses that phrase to explain why they don't want to be in a relationship, then yes, it's somewhat of an excuse. There's a point where one can be passive about dating others and not going anywhere. I mean, one can certainly be IN a 'relationship' and go slow. Personally to me the reason the acquaintance uses it in regards to your girl friend is because he doesn't want to tip the scale where if he actually makes a move on your girl friend, the chance of it backfiring on him is evident.
Author counterman Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Great insights. Thanks for sharing. USMCHokie, I'm not sure if he has gone out with a girl before or asked a girl out, but my first impressions were similar to yours. I think may be it is a bit if inexperience on his part. I agree with you that girls don't suddenly fall for their guy friend that's always there. This sometimes draw parallels with guys who have ulterior motives than just being friends, which reminds me of a thread xpapexcutx had recently. Yes! The dreaded friendzone! You're right ADF. I think what may be keeping his hopes up is that my girl friend doesn't have a relationship as something important to have just now. So, maybe being close to her as friend is as good as it gets for now. I share your personal preference, GreenCove. I like a more straight-forward, direct approach. I actually find rejection easier to handle like that. Building a friendship, and trying to make things happen, is calls for more possible issues such as getting friendzoned and hurt. There's a bit of ambiguity as well. We cannot often guess what is really going on. Yep, being in a relationship and taking thing slow, I understand. But, what you said sounds about right, that the chance of it backfiring on him might be evident if he goes ahead with asking her out, so taking it slow is rationalising why he hasn't asked her out yet. But, then again, wouldn't some people in that situation be caught between keeping this friendship going or risking it to see if it may work? If he did like her early on when they met, chances are feelings would have been harvested as time went on and there might be a greater emotional connection to this feeling, which means there's a greater chance of getting hurt. And, she might be purely viewing this as what it is, just a friendship. Hence, it's okay, in her mind, to hang out. Or, it might be a feeling of closest amongst friends and one could question whether it's more than that? Haha, that's why it's better to just go for it.
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