Morganph Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 So I went out with a girl for about 4 months last june-october until she left to study abroad. We went through phases of talking and not talking but decided it was too hard to continue while she was abroad. She recently came back and initiated contact with me again to "start hanging out and see what happens". We hung out about 3 times then i took her out on a nice date. The date seemed like it went really well but the last few weeks i've had to put all the effort in to talking to her and she acts uninterested when I do. I finally decided to confront her about it and she gave a bunch of excuses about that shes too busy with school, finding a job etc etc and doesnt want a BF right now and that she doesn't know if the chemistry is there anymore. So although it seems to me that I should give it up I've had some people tell me that she is just testing me to see how much effort I will put into winning her back and that i shouldn't give up. Unfortunately I'm not over her and still have strong feelings for her. Guys or girls any advice?
troggleputty Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 So I went out with a girl for about 4 months last june-october until she left to study abroad. We went through phases of talking and not talking but decided it was too hard to continue while she was abroad. She recently came back and initiated contact with me again to "start hanging out and see what happens". We hung out about 3 times then i took her out on a nice date. The date seemed like it went really well but the last few weeks i've had to put all the effort in to talking to her and she acts uninterested when I do. I finally decided to confront her about it and she gave a bunch of excuses about that shes too busy with school, finding a job etc etc and doesnt want a BF right now and that she doesn't know if the chemistry is there anymore. So although it seems to me that I should give it up I've had some people tell me that she is just testing me to see how much effort I will put into winning her back and that i shouldn't give up. Unfortunately I'm not over her and still have strong feelings for her. Guys or girls any advice? Yes, just play it cool, remain friendly, keep the lines of communication open for possible future reference; but don't carry a torch for her. Actively be seeking to date other people. A big mistake that I made when I was dating is that I would always take it personally when something like this happened and I would wind up never talking to the girl again. It's a mistake because if you can manage to remain on a friendly basis you vastly increase possible future networking opportunities. I mean seriously...she's got friends, relatives, etc etc. If you can stay friendly with her even if it's no longer on a romantic basis, your odds of meeting someone else who might be available go up quite a bit. The dating game is a war and you've got to think like a general.
boogieboy Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 You did something to turn her off during these dates, and without telling you, she started looking for someone else to date. She was being uninterested because she was...trying to give you a passive hint that she wasnt interested, without actually saying shes not interested, so she didnt have to feel guilty. I dont know what you did to turn her off, but you did. You cant win her back, so forget her. She isnt testing you, she is checking someone else, so move on.
phineas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 If someone is interested in you they will make time for you. She isn't studying EVERY night is she? She isn't Job hunting friday & saturday night is she? She said she doesn't want a boyfriend & is too busy. In my experiance only 1 out of 10 times a woman actually means that when she says it. The other 9 times she is chaseing after some "hot" guy behind your back. And that 1 time they mean it? %50 of the time their open to casual sex if their attracted to you.
Author Morganph Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Yeah my instinct tells me the same that its because there is someone else. The only confusing part still is that we didnt talk for months and shes the one that started communicating with me again saying she missed me wanted to try things again etc... I may have somehow turned her off but when we hung out things really did seem to go well. Hard to do the right thing which is to move on cause i still really love the girl but guess doesnt seem like i really have a choice :/.
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