playuppompey Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Ok, here goes. My girlfriend broke up with me 8 months ago, we were together for 5 years or so. I didn't feel too bothered at first, but gradually my feelings worked their way up. I started figuring things out for myself, and realised i really wanted to be with her and that she was the love of my life. She calls me up whilst i am preparing to make an approach to get her back and tells me she is dating someone else. I fell apart at that point..... I arranged to meet up with her and pretty much begged her to get back with me, but she said no, and that she had dealt with her emotions and was moving on... She is now in a relaitonship with this guy, i know this, though she has denied it on a number of occasions, saying she is doing it to protect my feelings..... I do not understand this, surely honesty is the only way.... Anyhow, it's been 8 months now, and i am still suffering deeply, can't stop crying, am a complete mess at work, and feel so sad about what i did to contribute to the relationship failing.... She is well into her 30's and wanted a family and marriage etc i think, but she said our relationship just doesn't work. My own fear was what prevented me from committing, and the fact that i am half way round the world away from my home, family and friends... and now i realise i have lost the very thing that i wanted in life... I gave up my homelife, took a big chance, and moved half way round the world so we could be together, so now i am here by myself, without her, with a flakey social life, spent all my money to be here, and don't have the support of close friends or family. I feel so desperate and sad, and it's just not getting any better. Sure i could go home, but i don't think things wil l be any better there.... I know i want this woman with all my heart, but once she has made a decision she doesn't normally change it, and i have had no signals that she wants to reconcile... Plus she gets angry so quickly when we speak and last time she said that i don't seem to be dealing with it very well.... Previously she was also desperate to remain friends and said 'please don't cut me out of your life', then when this guy rolls up, she changes her tune to 'why do you want to be friends'..... I have dated another woman a couple of times to see if it would help, but before i did each time i got really upset, and i found the whole thing very testing. I also am not feeling it obviously, as my heart is with my ex.... and i don't want to mess her around.. There are other issues i am battling with too, as my ex had a really good job, we had a nice and confortable lifestyle..... .... and for me all of this has gone with the relationship, and it is like my life has fallen apart... I feel so hurt that i am unsure i ever want another relationship.. and i feel so lost about my whole life.... I just don't know what to do next..... and i have no idea what to do, if anything, about my ex, and i just don't seem to be able to mentally accept it is over....
stella79 Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Playuppompey..You first have to give yourself credit, you followed your heart and took a chance on love. Stop beating yourself up..She may be gone forever, but you know you have the capability to open your heart and love someone completely. Finding the courage to move on and create a life without her will be difficult (it's been 8 months for you). Distancing yourself from her is a step..Have you tried counselling? You are grieving the loss of the relationship..I too have loved and lost, and acceptance is the hardest part. Keep talking out your feelings..Stay strong...Stella
Author playuppompey Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Not counselling directly, i've tried that before, but i find this spiritual/ counselling thing alot more effective for me. Acceptance seems to be the hardest thing for me at the moment....
ADF Posted April 13, 2010 Posted April 13, 2010 Well, I would bet almost any amount of money your ex had her new BF scoped out BEFORE your break up. As for her dishonesty, few people lie to protect others. Most often, they lie to protect themselves. I doubt she lied to spare your feelings. She probably lied because it was easier to lie than have a difficult conversation with you. That was a very poor way for her to handle it, and she ought to be ashamed of herself. That said, your unwillingness or inability to commit after 5 years is a valid reason for her to look elsewhere. I'm sorry, but it is. She is a woman in her 30s. Relatively few women in their 30s are interested in non-committed, open-ended relationships. They are usually at a point in their lives when they want more. Five years is plenty long to wait. Unfortunately, your window of opportunity with appears to have closed. If you are this distraught, you'd be wiser to focus on getting some counseling to help you through this than to keep campaigning to get her back.
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