D. It Is Written Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I'm in love with a man, but we aren't together. I can see myself marrying this man, and I'm inclined to wait for him as long as it takes. We can't be together in the boyfriend / girlfriend sense, although he was my boyfriend at some points in time. He broke it off because he felt guilty for religious reasons – twice. I've known him for about 10 months, and we've been romantically involved to varying degrees for about 5 months. At this point in time, we talk everyday. I see him once or twice a week, but I'm sure we would see each other more often if our schedules allowed it. We're busy people. Our physical intimacy is limited to hugging, occasional hand-holding, and light cuddling. I'm really just content being near him. So, my friends and his think I'm crazy. I don't know how to convince them that I'm not. I get constant What-the-heck-are-you-doing? looks and “Why are you letting him do this to you?” questions. All they see is that he has broken up with me twice and kept me hanging around, which to them means he's messing with my head. Here's an array of questions. Answer whichever you like. 1. Am I wrong for thinking (knowing) that I want only him and toughing it out? 2. How can I help others to understand our relationship and be supportive? 3. At what point would it be appropriate to tell him that I am looking to get married eventually (years from now)? 4. Have you ever met someone and knew they were the one? Is it destiny? Is it a delusion?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 1) Yes, because by focusing on him you're not giving yourself and others a chance. You're so " obsessed" with this guy you've closed yourself off to other possibilities. 2) You can ask others to be supportive toward your decisions and your choices but once again, you do not have a " relationship" with this guy. Your vision is slightly obscured about the fact that you see him as the " one" whereas he could simply see you as a " friend" ( although when " friends" do the things that he has done, I would probably kick them to the curb and find myself some real friends) 3) What's the point of telling him you want to get married? If he doesn't want you as a girlfriend what makes you think he wants you as a wife? 4)I'm not going to jump into the whole belief that there are soulmates for each and everyone. If that's your point of view, kudos. But I do think you're deluding yourself if you think he's going to suddenly come to his sense one day and see you the same way. If that does happen, once again, kudos. But you're suffering enough as is just pining for him. What's the point?
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 1. Am I wrong for thinking (knowing) that I want only him and toughing it out? Think you are limiting your options, life and choices... perhaps even neglecting yourself a bit. What has caused this obsession? His power over you? 2. How can I help others to understand our relationship and be supportive? Not saying everyone is wrong and you are right, but at the same time, why does everyone else see something that you dont? You can't convince others what to think or believe... only pursuade (like what attornies do to juries)... then again, if you are so convinced, then why do you care what others think? 3. At what point would it be appropriate to tell him that I am looking to get married eventually (years from now)? I wouldnt recommend giving away even more of your power when its pretty apparent that he doesnt reciprocate your feelings. 4. Have you ever met someone and knew they were the one? Is it destiny? Is it a delusion? I have met several... which means: no such thing as a soul mate or just one out there... it only means perhaps you havent met enough or had enough experience... this guy sounds nothing even remotely like a potential for the very fact that he doesnt share your affection. No such thing as destiny... we make our own decisions (aka: destiny) in life... and yes, its delusional
Author D. It Is Written Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 If he doesn't want you as a girlfriend what makes you think he wants you as a wife? He's not allowed to have a girlfriend because of his religion. Dating and being physically intimate before marriage are prohibited. What has caused this obsession? His power over you? I'm just crazy about him. He has a good heart. He's been there for me. We make each other laugh. He's smart, talented, passionate, focused, and attractive. We have a strong physical and emotional connection. There's no one like him. Not saying everyone is wrong and you are right, but at the same time, why does everyone else see something that you dont? Exactly. I have no idea. Maybe because the relationship I do have / have had with him has been very private? I wouldnt recommend giving away even more of your power when its pretty apparent that he doesnt reciprocate your feelings. I don't feel that he doesn't reciprocate my feelings. And anyway, why do I need power over him? ... It makes me sad that no one believes in destiny.
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