start-fresh Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I've done an internet search about the title a few times read some of the top search results, but I'm having such a tough time right now. This is NOT a pity thread as I realize it won't ever be as easy as college and I'm trying to find out ways to change that. I dated a couple girls in college that things didn't work out for a variety of reasons. They were some great girls, too. So in a lot of ways, I'm not worried that I'm not worthy of finding someone, it's just so hard now that I don't meet as many women and can't even seem to make friends. The big thing is I need some avenue to just be around women! It's tough for me to do cold approaches and strike up random conversations, but I seem to get chances when I'm around women that get to know me. So far I've tried church and volunteering at the boys and girls club. Church is a dead end for me as I'm a Lutheran and most of the other members are older, married, etc. It's seems like a lot of young kids these days are going to non-denominational churches that just don't do it for me. I would feel like a poser if I went there... I'm not really enjoying the volunteering that I'm doing either, so I think that avenue will be closing down. I play softball in the summer with a different group of people. Great guys but I there doesn't really seem to be an single gals floating around the group, either. Hopefully that will change this summer. I have this notion in my head that I want to move. I've started a few threads in the past year or so contemplating this. After college last spring my only job opportunity was in my hometown of 7000 people or so, and it's soooo hard to click with anybody my age. Am I just running from a bigger problem or what? Should I just start putting the word out with coworkers, people at church, etc. that I would like to be set up? That seems kind of desperate. I just NEED to be around more young people my age! That would be a big step in the right direction. I'm getting soooo lonely here.
Rorschach Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 moving doesn't sound like a terrible idea to me if you live in a small hometown, but it might just be easier and less drastic to drive to other towns to hang out some. Just go to places you enjoy, the beach or museums or anything and find a nice girl who happens to enjoy whatever you do. The problem with trying to get the word out is you might get anybody XD you can focus your search by trying to meet people around your regular haunts.
TouchedByViolet Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Moving to a larger city would be helpful. If you have friends who are still in school you could take a trip to visit, party and meet girls.
Author start-fresh Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Yeah, the closest town with any size (~100k) is about an hour away, and then it's about two hours to the major metro area. The thing is, if I meet someone in either of those places, it would be harder to form a relationship, you know? But yeah, I go to the town with 100k on weekends sometimes, usually by myself, unfortunately, but it's entertaining anyway. And, I agree 100% about getting a lot of randoms by asking to be set up. I always feel bad if I don't like the girls I'm set up with either, because they're usually a friend of my friend, which can get awkward.
Author start-fresh Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Moving to a larger city would be helpful. If you have friends who are still in school you could take a trip to visit, party and meet girls. Yep, I've done that. It's been a lot of fun for me and am planning to again in the future. Still, I want something meaningful where I'm at...
Rorschach Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Yeah, the closest town with any size (~100k) is about an hour away, and then it's about two hours to the major metro area. The thing is, if I meet someone in either of those places, it would be harder to form a relationship, you know? But yeah, I go to the town with 100k on weekends sometimes, usually by myself, unfortunately, but it's entertaining anyway. And, I agree 100% about getting a lot of randoms by asking to be set up. I always feel bad if I don't like the girls I'm set up with either, because they're usually a friend of my friend, which can get awkward. I do alot of driving as part of my job, on top of that I live in maine where my town of 20,000 is the 4th biggest in the state, the biggest, portland, is 40 minutes away and maybe, MAYBE 100,000 large. So an hour to reach a town of that size doesn't sound so bad to me haha. This is just me I guess but I signed up on <website I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mention but is a really popular one> to help meet people since I'm low on funds right now and can't afford to spend my nights out trying to meet people (I work most nights (and days) so that's time i have to take off), so I've been looking into meeting people through the internet since maine is pretty sparsely populated anyway and having somewhere to congregate easily sounded pretty awesome to me. It's also doing wonders for my confidence since I'm e-mailing and talking to women that I actually have a romantic interest in. It's putting me on the spot and making me take the first step in the conversation, I haven't had anybody reply yet but just growing a set of balls and asking a couple of people I think would be nice to get to know has made me feel better.
Author start-fresh Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Well, I'll tell you I've looked at okcupid (I think it's fine to talk about any other sites here, because they don't compete with LS at all ) which is the best of the free options for my area, but most of the people are attractive college girls looking for attention, or dead beats with kids, etc. Also, I tried meetup.com and I think the only groups in a large radius are like a ferret group and a vegan group or something. Neither of which apply.
Rorschach Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Well, I'll tell you I've looked at okcupid (I think it's fine to talk about any other sites here, because they don't compete with LS at all ) which is the best of the free options for my area, but most of the people are attractive college girls looking for attention, or dead beats with kids, etc. Also, I tried meetup.com and I think the only groups in a large radius are like a ferret group and a vegan group or something. Neither of which apply. haha, oh come on ferrets are awesome! I use match.com as it has alot of people on it, seems to have a good assortment of people. It sounded in your first post like you might have a bit of a confidence issue which is really a killer when it comes to relationships (or at least it's killed all mine in the past year or two) so I'd suggest messaging some people on okcupid just because, even if you're not super interested you'll get practice talking to women which can't be a bad thing.
Green Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I find dating after college can be great. Women find a man hotter and hotter as he ages through his twenties and moves up the ladder of the game we call life. Confidence is your problem. You don't need an opportunity to be around women in a friendly setting, just go to the mall, bank, park ect. and when you see women you like strike up a conversation like some creep... it will work
phineas Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Once a week in the summer in the city there is a free concert in the square. Nothing big time, mostly up & commers & has beens but we've had Joan Jette & David Wilcox perform. There are so many women packed into such a small space you can't believe it. And the bar scene afterword is insane. You meet the types of women you don't normally meet in the bars they are only there because of the concert. My little city does the same thing over the summer also. Free concerts. Lots & lots of women. And most of the time because everyone is having a good time their receptive to conversation between bands.
torranceshipman Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I personally would take the big leap, whilst young, of relocating to a really cool big city like Chicago or NYC. They are such cool places for a young post-college guy to live, good for job opportunities, and you'll have a blast. Up sticks now while you have no responsibilities and nothing tying you down...it won't just be great for your love life - it'll be great, period!
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