Need advice on getting a girlfriend

[Andy87]

(Sighs) I really need some help guys

I understand this topic has been exhausted numerous times on various sites but

I need more specific advice for my particular situation...

Im 23 years old, a part time college student and lately it seems that it

is impossible for me to get a girlfriend, or even just get a girl to like me and

actually care for me

All my friends are light years ahead of me. They've all had gf's, had sex with numerous

different girls, had girls buy them things, cheated w/girls who

were in relationships (not to say thats what I want) Just everything! They basically had girls hooked on them!

I get really jealous when they show me these cute girls ( I personally find

them attractive) and complain

how they're nasty, and easy and annoying so they just cut them off and ignore them.

Damn if a girl can show that much interest in me I would be so

flattered and I would never take it for granted. and im not saying that because I think I am ugly or

desperate. I just have a very good heart (something that girls seem to not give a f*ck

about these days) and I believe in myself. And I actually find myself attractive and

a lot of girls do to....unless their just trying to be nice...

Every time I do try to talk to girls, whether it being girls in class or just

someone I was hooked up with by a friend...it never works out. EVERRRRR!

And its like ive only tried talking to a few girls in my life, EVERYTIME I'm anywhere in

a social environment, like school, malls, bars, I try to spark conversation....and I

definitely do not come off like those awkward losers on comedy movies lol. School is probably

the best way for me but it still never works! They're just short w/ answers and if I

ever do get a girls number, they dont answer if I text or call. And I don't stalk girls in

any way. I guess I got a big ego when it comes to calling girls. Lots of times Ill call

or text and if they dont respond Im just like f*ck it and pretty much convince myself

that they are not interested and to leave them alone for the sake of not making myself look

more desperate and pathetic.

Now a few times, I actually managed to get them some what interested.

The reason I say somewhat is because we will actually start "talking" we will go out

for dinner or a movie or just hang out. But somewhere along the line when I feel all is

going well, its really not...they just change and suddenly appear to completely lose

interest in me. In fact I remember one time my good friend "stole" this girl I really

liked completely away from me without even trying. They had a class together and he kept telling me how much

she tried talking to him and wanted to study together and clowned on me for not

getting w/ a "girl that easy" But he showed 100% no interest. He even showed me the texts she would send him and he would just ignore her.

She even added him on facebook when she barely knew him but denied my request when I already

took her out on like 3 dates!! Its like I can't even get w/ the

girls who are trying to get w/ my friends!! ARRGHHHH!!

 

When someone has a situation like mine you cannot help but feel inferior or at least question

something about yourself. I honestly do not feel I am doing anything wrong. I feel

very comfortable with the way I act just in case anyone just gives the simple cliche answer

"Just be yourself" I also understand its very difficult for anyone to really diagnose my

issue because words can only vaguely describe how I act but sometimes I am told that I am

"too funny" or at least try too hard to be funny...hmmm

Im very nice (not too nice though). Im not cheap. Im down for doing pretty much anything. I have goals, Im motivated

to succeed. Im an amazing listener. Im very trustworthy, and Im confident....girls do like

confident guys right?

I cannot tell you how many

times I hear those girls whining about why their bf's dont call them or text them or show

any signs of still being romanticly attracted to them. If I had a gf I would make her the happiest girl in the world

because I actually give a sh*t. I guess girls just want

that kind of affection from someone thats male model quality or no affection!! Idk its confusing.

Lately I try not to think about it but im always reminded of my lonely state. All those dating

commercials, seeing couples together in public, Hearing my friends talk about what to get

their gf's for their birthday or V-Day. Its just too much...Sorry for the lengthy post. And thank you

to anyone who read this and comments =)

Edited April 12, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Rorschach]

tl;dr

 

I only read part of what you said but you sound way too desperate, try to be more confidant in yourself, I'm sure women who gave you a chance would really like you, the ones who don't can go take a flying leap. You're good enough for any woman they just don't know it and you have to act like it.

[bucky112]

Personally your over thinking things and your post does shout desperate, well to me anyway. When it comes to finding a potential date it will happen when you least expect it, if you go to college evryday looking for a date your body language will probally reflect this and as a result you will get no where. Just be yourself and let things flow, trust me you will find a girl! As for the girls you've managed to go out with but then suddenly dissepear well.... you probally come over as desperate and clingly which is a major turn off. Chill out and be yourself and you will find love when u least expect it.

[boogieboy]

Look up PUA (pick up artist) on youtube.

You dont have to become a pick up artist, but you do have to see everything youre doing wrong to turn these girls off. And do it quickly so you can compare what is on the videos with your experiences. Its the best thing you can do, because no one here is going to tell you everything you need to know...its too much info. Do some research.

[aroll32]

I can definitely see where you coming from, I was at one point thinking like this. A girl I was dating that I really liked just backed off, and then I just turned my REAL self completely off. What did I do to get back? Remembered who I was. What you need to do is find yourself. You're putting WAY too much emphasis on dating. When you focus on only one thing all the time, it's hard to be unique. It sounds like the only thing you are thinking about is trying to find a girl that likes you.

 

Although I will agree with one thing you said, girls that get pissed about their boyfriend treating them like s***. I've only had one relationship, and all the other girls I dated I really liked but couldn't get it to that point. Then I see them complaining about guys because they are stupid and a holes. I just laugh and think, well you really missed out. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I know how to treat and respect a human being.

 

Anyway, my advice to use is focus on other things. Don't go out looking for a girl, because 99 percent of the time it won't happen. Trust me, when you are focused on yourself and your OWN interests, the girls will come. Not exactly sure why but it seems to happen.

[Andy87]

tl;dr

 

I only read part of what you said but you sound way too desperate, try to be more confidant in yourself, I'm sure women who gave you a chance would really like you, the ones who don't can go take a flying leap. You're good enough for any woman they just don't know it and you have to act like it.

 

Yeah I see what you mean and thanks for the comment. I really don't consider myself desperate however. If I know a girl isn't into me. I never go out of my way to salvage it so she can change her mind. I just try and move on...btw do you personally feel being slightly an ******* is better than being too nice?

[Andy87]

Personally your over thinking things and your post does shout desperate, well to me anyway. When it comes to finding a potential date it will happen when you least expect it, if you go to college evryday looking for a date your body language will probally reflect this and as a result you will get no where. Just be yourself and let things flow, trust me you will find a girl! As for the girls you've managed to go out with but then suddenly dissepear well.... you probally come over as desperate and clingly which is a major turn off. Chill out and be yourself and you will find love when u least expect it.

 

LOL I can definitely see why I may have came off as desperate because after reading my post I realized how what I said could easily be misinterpreted. What I meant when I said I spark up conversation w/ random girls is that I just make short talk w/ no expectations of it going anywhere. Like for example if I am outside having a cigarette and some cute girl comes and has one too Ill talk to her, Yes....But will I feel obligated to rush into things and ask for her number so I can potentially try dating her, Ofcourse NOT! lol. I just do this to improve my conversation skills and I feel it helps quite a bit. I talk to them expecting to never see them again, which is normal for people.

 

Oh and about the clingy part. I'm smart enough to know being clingy is a huge turn-off. Am I clingy? Nowhere near it...at least thats how I feel. I let them know Im interested but at the same time give them plenty of space. Ill never call or text a girl everyday because I just feel its unnecessary. In fact, my friends are always telling me to text any new girl im talking to saying this or that and I'm the one telling them I don't want to look clingy. You know what they answer me? NOO man girls love that sh*t. They love being flattered and feeling wanted man. DAMN DONT U KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GIRLS?!? LOL sometimes I feel like they're just messing w/ me to see if I actually give in.

[amagordos]

Andy, don't worry about it. Girls like guys who have their own lives and aren't focused on finding a girlfriend. I know because whenever a guy tells me that he wants to have a girlfriend, I get turned off, because I feel that he is just using me in hopes that he could get a girlfriend. If you really like a girl, talk to her, compliment her and tease her in a nice way. Don't tell her you are looking for a girlfriend, tell her you don't have a girlfriend, because you are waiting for that special girl, but just haven't found her yet. Be mysterious, girls love that.

[whosleonard]

I think all of the times you saw your friends with their gfs and how they cheated, like you've said that they cheated with somebody's gf. All of these are being shown to you because these are the things you must not follow. Promise that you will not do what your friends do and you will have a gf. Maybe someone is waiting for you somewhere near you but doubtful because maybe she knew what your friends are like and she's afraid that you will just do the same thing.

 

Just stay who you are and don't rush cause it's not the end of the world. You will come to experience having a gf on the right time. For now, enjoy being single and prepare to commit relationship.

 

cool?

[Andy87]

Andy, don't worry about it. Girls like guys who have their own lives and aren't focused on finding a girlfriend. I know because whenever a guy tells me that he wants to have a girlfriend, I get turned off, because I feel that he is just using me in hopes that he could get a girlfriend. If you really like a girl, talk to her, compliment her and tease her in a nice way. Don't tell her you are looking for a girlfriend, tell her you don't have a girlfriend, because you are waiting for that special girl, but just haven't found her yet. Be mysterious, girls love that.

 

Yeah I see what you mean and I really appreciate the comment. I guess it was kind of pointless for me to post this because no one will really understand how bad the situation really is. I just feel like even if the most desperate girl in the world won't go for me. And everytime I do find a girl I like she always likes my friends and not me. I feel so inferior and its seriously affecting my confidence. I've never felt this insecure before.

 

I guess I can wait for that one girl who's been rejected by virtually every guy she's ever met...until she meets me. She'll like me until any other guy shows her a little bit of attention and then loses interest in me. Its like if I have ANY competition a girl realizes she can do better than me and won't even think twice about it. I dont have much to offer to the table however.

 

I mean Im not very tall, ok body, I make decent money however I have a great sense of humor but of all the 6345435 girls I've talked to... I guess Im not there "type"....yes all of them at least thats how I percieve it. btw sorry if I sound negative, I've just kind of reached a point thats lower than low =(

[Andy87]

I can definitely see where you coming from, I was at one point thinking like this. A girl I was dating that I really liked just backed off, and then I just turned my REAL self completely off. What did I do to get back? Remembered who I was. What you need to do is find yourself. You're putting WAY too much emphasis on dating. When you focus on only one thing all the time, it's hard to be unique. It sounds like the only thing you are thinking about is trying to find a girl that likes you.

 

Although I will agree with one thing you said, girls that get pissed about their boyfriend treating them like s***. I've only had one relationship, and all the other girls I dated I really liked but couldn't get it to that point. Then I see them complaining about guys because they are stupid and a holes. I just laugh and think, well you really missed out. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I know how to treat and respect a human being.

 

Anyway, my advice to use is focus on other things. Don't go out looking for a girl, because 99 percent of the time it won't happen. Trust me, when you are focused on yourself and your OWN interests, the girls will come. Not exactly sure why but it seems to happen.

 

Lol I feel a little better knowing someone out there thinks at least a little like me (I try not to be too negative) I'm not really focused on finding a gf I mean theres not too many things I am focused on other than my family and my job. My life just seems kind of boring and bland without a gf but I've kind of reached a point where I honestly feel no one can help me.

 

Like I have this curse than no one else has. It sounds kind of deep but there's just something about me - I cant pick it out, my friends cant pick it out, no one notices it...but something that's just holding me back. I have had quite a bit of great opportunities only to fear that it might not work out and guess what? I am always right. Id maybe some people just are not meant to have a significant other...

[Andy87]

I think all of the times you saw your friends with their gfs and how they cheated, like you've said that they cheated with somebody's gf. All of these are being shown to you because these are the things you must not follow. Promise that you will not do what your friends do and you will have a gf. Maybe someone is waiting for you somewhere near you but doubtful because maybe she knew what your friends are like and she's afraid that you will just do the same thing.

 

Just stay who you are and don't rush cause it's not the end of the world. You will come to experience having a gf on the right time. For now, enjoy being single and prepare to commit relationship.

 

cool?

 

 

Dont rush? I need one by 2012! lol im jk

 

I wish there was someone near me waiting for me but my name is not really even out there in the community. I'm not that popular and the only girls who do know me (but would deny knowing me if asked) are the girls I was talking to for a while and then just cut me off and stopped talking to me because I "was not there type" I mean wow we can't even stay on friendly terms.

 

I guess its so much harder for me because I am around so many people that go so much action than me so it really makes me jealous. It's like I'm a paraplegic and I'm just watching all my friends play an intense but fun game of soccer. I mean its just everything that breaks my confidence and makes me feel inferior. Something as simple as a girl making herself seem really easy on face book and sending my friends messages all day and they just blow it off. But when I just request them I don't even get accepted.

 

Why me? Whats wrong with me? When were at the mall, girls hit on the group of friends I'm with but never on me. When my friends try and hook it up w/ a girl they just say "hes nice but im jus not interested" or "hes not my type" but then we they hook that same girl up with his other friends they put in about 5% of effort and girl puts in the rest and then just make fun of me about not getting "that" particular girl saying things like "shes sooo easy she'll date anyone dude, there seriously must be something wrong with u."

 

Like I'm sorry if I sound very negative but sometimes I'm just like WTF? How much longer is this going to last? And I don't want to find just one girl and settle down. I am still young I still want to live life a little and then settle down. Sorry if that makes me sound immateur

[amagordos]

Wow. Don't worry about girls so much. Just live your life and have fun. Girls always go for the guys that seem mysterious. Guys have to be somewhat of a challenge for a girl too. We loved to be chased, but we also like it when you ignore us, because then we miss you and wonder where you went and if you are still intersted. I don't I like jerkish guys, but I do like guys that live their own lives. And make a girl laugh and she will at least like you as a friend. Don't put dating on a pedestal. YOu have to stop taking it so seriously. Gosh you just made me have an epiphany. I'm the picky type, usually and that is why I haven't dated much. You are the opposite, you are too eager, and that is never a good thing. Nothing frightens people more than people who are too eager.

[TheBigQuestion]

The people here who tell you to focus on your own life without worrying about dating DO have a point. However, if you're the kind of guy who wants to have a good amount of options, or the kind of guy who simply wants to get over most of his insecurities with communicating with women, you will never achieve this without LOTS of practice. If getting good with women is a goal of yours, work on it. Don't ignore it like people in this thread are suggesting.

[Kaplan]

I think your problem is your friends. They're successful with girls and it makes you feel inferior for not having had any success so far. Also, since they have skill with attracting women, if we toss a girl in a room with you and them she's going to be more attracted to them than to you. It's just a skill that some people have.

 

I have a friend like that and it feels weird sometimes to see that girls are so much more attracted to him than to me. It doesn't make me feel inferior to him though because I know I'm superior to him. I mean he's a jerk, just like your friends seem to be.

[espec10001]

Chicks are like the wind, they come and they go.

[Green]

When you become an established member you can private msg me if you want.

 

Any advice I or any one else gives you will just be cliche or general in the end because its up to you to try it out and learn from your mistakes.

 

First let me tell you a little about myself. I had a very troubled family life and had many tragedies happen to me when I was growing up. I was the type of person who suprised every one by even graduating middle school let alone high school. I am a very big geek and watched anime and other cartoons/ scifi and comic video game stuff my entire life. I can barely relate to women and am not by any means the steriotypical hunk. About the only two things I have going for me steriotypicaly speaking is I am tall and smart.

 

I really did want a gf going back to even middle school but managed to make it all the way through High School and college with out so much as kissing a girl. I had oportunities but I was always to afraid of rejection to try and had some big romantic notion of how the dating world should be.

 

The summer after I graduated college I was so horny I just asked a beautiful girl out who by my luck said yes. If my memory serves me right she is the first girl I ever asked out. This girl was beautiful even my friends were shocked when they recognized her name (she had gone to college with us and also graduated). So, it was at 22 that I had my first kiss and actualy ended up spending the night with this girl. I never let her know how inexperienced I was. It was a massive amount of hornyness that gave me the courage, that and some alcohol which I usualy avoid but got good and drunk on our date not that I recomend it but it gave me the balls to kiss her and ask her bakc to my place.

 

When things didn't work out with that girl I was crushed. I cried openly infront of my family like a baby. Eventualy I got over that by going out with a new girl. I was a changed man I had broken the physical barrier with women and was no longer afraid, and by getting another gf a few months later while still 22 I had proven to myself that it was not a fluke and that I was capable of forming romantic relationships with women I found attractive and who in return found me attractive. I was now bold enough to do things like ask girls out and kiss them on the first date ect... Really nothing changes after you have your first romantic relationship, its just that knowledge that gives you more confident.

 

I went on to have more relationships that I enjoyed and am currently in a relationship of over a year and in love.

 

There is no trick. You just have to be yourself. It sounds like you try to be this person you think the girls will like, you play it safe and come off as fake.

 

Don't play it safe. Don't be afraid to creep girls out. Don't ask girls for their numbers... Ask them out, and they will give you their numbers. Don't try to befriend women... Kiss them, touch them, flirt with them. Be aggressive, when you want to kiss a girl kiss her. I bet you didn't even try to kiss the girls you took out on so called dates. YOU MUST TRY TO KISS THEM.

 

Look face rejection, and learn how to enjoy the hunt. When you learn not to care if a girl rejects you or not you will be there. Don't be afraid to think beyond the box. Approach the cute 19 year old chick behind the counter at the store, tell her she should come to your friends party with you this weekedn... when she says yes pull out ur phone and just have her put her number in and call her right then and there and say now u have my number too. then bring her to your friends bbq party and make sure you kiss her on the lips before you drop her off. Take risks put urself in a position to be rejected by lots of women. BE YOURSELF not a fake safe guy who says everything they think the girl wants to hear.