kogasu Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I need some advice please, I'm driving myself insane. I'll start from the begining. On Friday there was an accident at my apartment and carbon monoxide leaked into it and I had to go to the hospital, this was around 2:30am. My boyfriend was out with his friend who recently came back from the army and had been drinking so I knew I couldn't call him. And I didn't have anyone else to call during this time either. The next day I went over there and I hadn't slept or ate and I just wasn't in my right mind. I ended up picking a fight with him about nothing really, I think that a part of me was really just angry that I had to go through the night by myself, and though I realize it's not his fault he couldn't have come. During the fight a lot of horrible things were said and I had kicked his chair and he said he was with me because noone else could love me. I lost it and threw a plastic cup at him and hit him in the wrist. After this he asked me to leave and being the stubborn idiot that I am I didn't. I just kept trying to talk and he responded by saying that he didn't owe me anything and didn't have to answer, that love was about allowing someone to leave and come back freely and that he just wanted me out. Then someone called him and he took the call. While he was on the phone I started running over what he said in my head and it just snapped something inside of me because I realized how stupid I had been. He got off the phone and asked what was wrong I broke down and told him I was sorry and he's right. And asked if he didn't think that I loved him or respected him. He said no he didn't. I said that I was sorry that I had thought that I was showing him what he needed when I wasn't. He went to the kitchen and laid his head down and I had thought that the phone call broke the tension. I started to rub his back a bit to comfort him and was about to start talking and say that I don't even know what came over me but he went crazy and just started yelling at me to please leave, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the door and shut and locked it in my face. I tried calling him a few hours later and left a voicemail saying that I was completely wrong to do what I did and that it wouldn't be fair to ask for forgiveness(because that would be for me not for him) but that I was truly sorry for my part in all of this. I just wasn't in a good state of mind after the night and lost it. He never called back that night. Today around 2pm I texted him to tell him I was at the park if he'd like to join. No answer. Then I called around 4:30pm and no answer. I left a voicemail just to let him know that I was calling to see how he was and to call me when he's ready. But I just don't know what to do now. Are we over? Was this the straw that broke the camel's back? He doesn't like gifts and I woudn't want to buy his forgiveness. And I feel that I left a message apologizing and I shouldn't invade his space even more especially since he told me to leave, but if I do nothing at all will he move on because he thinks I don't care? I just feel like such a horrible person for acting that way. I feel like a complete piece of **** that isn't worthy of his love or forgiveness. And at the same time I love him completely and don't know what possessed me to act the way I did. I just want to be able to apologize and move on but I don't know how to do that when he ignores me. Advice please?!
GrayClouds Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 The best way to address situation like this is not through words but action. I suggest first think tomorrow find a professional to talk to about how you behaved. Work to understand why you did and how not to repeat the behavior. Mean time give his space until you have those answers. At that point if he is willing to talk, not only will you have words to apologies, but able to show action that really indicates your sincerity. This actions will speak louder then words and, if he is willing, give him confidants to forgive. Good like, be kind to yourself.
chapter44 Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I do not think your relationship is over - couples fight but its good to learn how to fight properly to avoid causing permanent damage to your relationship and self esteem. This particular incident seems alot like what my ex and I would go through. She was horrible at calling names, cursing, hitting, and being irrational and that just drove me further away until I would totally shut down which made her even more angry. I asked her many times to just talk without the all the drama but we could never get beyond that and talk and work through things. Our relationship ended on tuesday when she cheated and of course blamed her actions on me. I suggest you give him time and space if he is like me he will call once he gets over it and you will be fine as long as you learn how to fight properly from this point forward. You said your peace now leave it alone let him deal with his feelings and I am confident he will come around. Best to both of you!
Author kogasu Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Thank you for the advice! This all happened on Saturday afternoon and it's now Monday and I still have yet to hear from him. How long should I give him until I try to contact him again? A few of my friends suggested I talk to someone close to him, but I feel like that wouldn't be right on my part. Like it would almost be an invasion or manipulation on my part to go that route. But maybe I'm wrong and it would give me insight?
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