Away Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 So, as I've posted before... I had some problems with my guy because he doesn't communicate his feelings very well, and fails to reply to my silly love messages. Well, I finally talked to him about it... and what he replied eased my mind a bit. I feel better, and it helped in reassuring his feelings for me as I hoped. One thing I'm thinking now though, after what he had to say is that, although I believe that he does love me. He is not, "madly in love with me". This is the first time, that I've had a boyfriend (a real, long lasting boyfriend) that is not madly in love with me. For my part, I think he's the one I've loved the most, at such an early stage of the relationship. This is the most "madly in love", I've ever been with anyone. I thought this was what might help me get through the long distance part of our relationship. But, to learn that he doesn't feel the same. Makes me have doubts about how this is going to go. Anyway... my point was to ask, from some of the people that come tho these boards that have had successful long distance relationships, if being madly in love was the magic ingredient, as I thought... or if there is still hope, for making it work when there is no crazyniess and going to the end of the earth for eachother and all of the other things that come with mad love. Hope this makes sense, and what i was trying to say actually gets through.
Rollercoasterr Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 In my own personal LDR, yes, we're madly in love. He give me crazy amounts of butterflies that never ever seem to go away. I would go to the ends of the earth for him and he would for me as well. I can't say as to whether we would have worked out if things were different between us, because they aren't different. Do I think it helps to be madly in love with your partner? Yes. Having a lukewarm feeling of love for someone(at least for ME) isn't enough to keep me going forever in a real life relationship, let alone a LDR. I want that shoot for the stars kind of love. Like the can't eat, can't sleep kind of love. I want it all or nothing at all. I've found that with him. But that's just me. Everyone is different.
Finissima Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I think it's a difficult question to answer - whether or not there is any hope for you two given that you think he's not "madly in love with you". I think that depends on him...it sounds from your (brief) description here that he is just not a demonstrative, romantic guy. I think there are people who will never be "madly in love" with anyone...that doesn't mean they'll never commit themselves wholly to something. Do you think he is okay with not being madly in love with you? Do you get the sense he is looking for that craziness in his life? You mention this is the first time someone has not been madly in love with you...but has your bf ever been madly in love with someone else? Personally, while I know my boyfriend is in love with me, and would and has sacrificed a lot for me and our relationship, he is not sitting there writing me love poems. He's just a calm, quiet, steady type of guy. He doesn't like conflict. He doesn't like crazy. I don't think he's ever been madly in love with anyone - other than the beginning crazy infatuation stage. For him, love is family. It's not crazy over the top love. If I want him, I have to be okay with that, long distance or no. Are you ok with your bf not being crazy madly in love? If you're not, you're not going to feel confident in the relationship...and that takes its toll more in LDRs than in non-LDRs, IMO.
Author Away Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Rollercoaster, thank you for your reply. I guess I can't expect what you describe from my guy, if I myself am not really like that. I've never experienced that kind, of love... don't eat, don't sleep and all of that... not really.... Finissima... I think you've hit the spot. Thank you for making me come to my senses. He is pretty much how you've described. I don't know how he was in his previous relationships, I know of at least two other women who he loved deeply... his ex wife whom he got divorced from over 6 years ago... and his last girlfriend before me. But, I know little about the specifics of each of those relationships. As far as I can tell, he is that quiet type of guy... not too expressive.. showing his affection more by actions than by words. He loves me. I know this. I'm just used to something different... and need to adapt to that. I think I can be OK, with him not being overly expressive... we'll see how it all works out. I will see him very soon. Two weeks and 2.5 days. Thank you both for your input. I really appreciate it.
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