swimgrl25 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 My boyfriend and I had been together for about a year and a half. He just turned 27 and I am 24. He started his new job about 5 months ago, and we had been in a long distance relationship since then. He would be optimistic about our relationship, while I was not. I still wanted to be with him than without because he made me happy. However when I went to visit him a month ago, things were not the same. I was moody and things were "off" I guess. I had high expectations and because it was not how I hoped it to be, I became frustrated. We did not really speak to each other afterwards for almost 2 weeks. I finally called him and he tells me that he wants 'a break because both sides weren't happy'. When I asked why he was not happy, he say it was because I was getting irritated with him all the time. I don't know how to fix the situation. I don't know exactly what went wrong. He also doesn't express his feelings so it's hard to read him and try to see what he's feeling. Is this really just a "break" or is it a break up? What should I be doing to get him back?
yah Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 What exactly were your expectations? I'm a very stubborn person and do the whole silent treatment thing too but its more like 1hr or so... 2 weeks is pretty damaging. I guess if I were you I'd ask myself how long long distance going to be - is it temporary or permanent, and how often you guys are going to visit one another. If its permanent and he's very far away then these problems (both sides getting frustrated over each other) will probably just keep happening. If you wanted to get back together, I would try and talk to him once more in a few days when you are both calm. Or email. Each of you must lay out your expectations for each other, how you plan to make it work, etc. Last resort is to take a break. GL.
Author swimgrl25 Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 First, I'd like to thank you for your reply! I am exactly what you said: stubborn. The weird thing is that he was always trying to stay positive with our long distance relationship. He described that we would visit each other every so often and talk every day. He knew that I didn't like the idea but I never ever tried to give him the idea of breaking up. I know I should have been more positive and not trying to get irritated with him all the time, and making feel angry/frustrated with me (my moodiness). His job is unpredictable because he works in sort of a construction business where their next 'job' could be anywhere in the country and he would have to live there for 2-3 months. He might or might not need to move around, depending on what he needs to do. We had been (in the last 5 months) visit each other every 3 weeks or so. I guess I understand what you are saying though- long distance relationships are difficult as it is and is even more difficult to repair (right?) He had made it clear that he wants a break, but I just don't know if he means break up or break because he doesn't even know what it constitutes. He is not the best at communicating or expressing his feelings either. How long should I wait before I contact him again?
yah Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I would wait 3-5 days. Try to sound optimistic about the situation; it seems like your being pessimistic makes him pessimistic as well. Also, I don't know what his feelings are right now, does he sound like he's done? If you want to let him come to you instead, just ask him how long he needs and tell him that you are here whenever he's ready to talk. A break could mean just a break. My bf asked for a 2 mo break and after a week I decided to give it to him but by that time he said he knew he wanted to be with me already. You know your guy best.
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