CD111 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hello hope everyone is having a good weekend. This weekend my boyfriend and his friends are having a boys weekend away. Last night at 3 am ( it woke me up) I get a text that says "I love you babe...but I am in love with a stripper:)". I didn't know they were going to a strip club and but I haven't been against him going to one. I chalk it up to being drunk at a strip club and even though I wasn't exactly pleased with the text I didn't think too much of it and answered back "Great!". I get another text that says "I love you too...but this stripper is crazy. She is an expert" The second text hurt my feelings. I don't need to know all the details about how great this stripper was...what was he thinking? I have always thought we have a great sex life and in no way am I a prude; however, I must not be fullfilling his needs somehow and that hurts. Now I feel second rate to a stripper. I am obviously not an expert at stripping since that is not what I do for a living...UGH. If he wanted to switch things up in the bedroom why didn't he just tell me? I haven't talked to him yet, he may not even remember writing the texts and I don't want to over react. I am going to talk to him about it but am not exactly sure on how to approach this situation. I don't want to over react! I could easily grill him about the subject and turn it into a big issue. However, I don't think I will have the desired outcome in the end. On one hand I am glad he is comfortable enough to tell me that's what he is doing, but on the other hand there is such a thing as Too Much Information and telling me he is in love with this stripper (WTF, even if he was joking). He also has blown a chance for me to strip for him since....apparently it would not be good enough. So any insight would greatly be appreciated...I don't want this to turn into a thread about why strippers/strip clubs are terrible.
aerogurl87 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Lol, well I think the I'm in love with a stripper comment was a reference to the song I'm in love with a Stripper by T-Pain and he probably meant it as a joke, although it's not a really funny one when being sent to your girlfriend. But it seems his going to strip clubs bothers you, if so you need to tell him that. Explain to him that the texts he sent you hurt your feelings and that you're unsure if you're comfortable with him going to such places again.
123BeachFan Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 It sounds like he was trying to impress his friends by sending you offensive texts to glorify his prowess. It was probably met with a bunch of whooping and hollering by all guys involved. Still that does not excuse really rude and insensitive behavior. If he were my BF, he'd be in the dog house in a really bad way right about now.
sweetjasmine Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Talk to him and tell him how it made you feel. Personally, I think his comments were incredibly rude, insensitive and inappropriate, so it would be a huge f-ing deal for me. Even though it's not for you, it's still bothering you, so just tell him about it. Ask him if he wanted to switch things up in the bedroom and why he didn't just tell you about it.
eraser Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hello hope everyone is having a good weekend. This weekend my boyfriend and his friends are having a boys weekend away. Last night at 3 am ( it woke me up) I get a text that says "I love you babe...but I am in love with a stripper:)". I didn't know they were going to a strip club and but I haven't been against him going to one. I chalk it up to being drunk at a strip club and even though I wasn't exactly pleased with the text I didn't think too much of it and answered back "Great!". I get another text that says "I love you too...but this stripper is crazy. She is an expert" The second text hurt my feelings. I would've dumped him. His actions are, at the very least, disrespectful. How would he like it if you were at a coffee house, saw a guy, the guy came over and proceeded to strike up a great conversation with you and you responded by texting your boyfriend, "I love you, babe...but I am in love with this dude in front of me." Imagine your boyfriend texting you back with, "What the hell?" or something like that and you responding with, "I love you, too...but this guy is amazing!" He'd be out the door.
xxoo Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Sounds like he was stupid-drunk. Are one of his friends didn't send the texts to be "funny"? On one hand I am glad he is comfortable enough to tell me that's what he is doing, but on the other hand there is such a thing as Too Much Information and telling me he is in love with this stripper (WTF, even if he was joking). Calmly show him the texts when he sobers up, and see how he responds. If he doesn't immediately see how insensitive he was and apologize, tell him exactly what you've said above. Don't grill him; keep the subject specific to the part that was over the line hurtful to you (the insensitive texts). Let him know how the texts affect your confidence, feeling compared to a stripper.
sweetjasmine Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 "I love you, too...but this guy is amazing!" Yeah, no kidding. "I love you but...this other person is better." How sweet and touching.
Author CD111 Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Thanks for the quick reply! Oh i didn't realize those were lyrics from a song....I do think he was probably pretty drunk and they were probably playing that song. It's not the strip clubs that bothers me. What bothers me is him telling me how great/crazy the strippers are.
Rhythmic Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 First text could have been passed off as a cute joke. Second text is over the line and purposely antagonistic. If it really got to you as bad as you made it seem in your post now is the time to put your foot down and stamp out this boundary testing he is doing to you right now or he will keep pushing.
eraser Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Yeah, no kidding. "I love you but...this other person is better." How sweet and touching. I'd be beating this dude down something fierce. Not gonna lie.
Author CD111 Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 I will use the.....what if I was in a coffee shop line comparison when I talk to him, maybe it will help get the point across. That was a good line.
eraser Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I will use the.....what if I was in a coffee shop line comparison when I talk to him, maybe it will help get the point across. That was a good line. In your initial post, it seemed like you were worried about hurting his feelings or making this into an "issue." It's already an issue because he hurt your feelings. Plus, he has apparently effected your self-confidence. Don't be afraid to let him know.
sweetjasmine Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 It's not the strip clubs that bothers me. What bothers me is him telling me how great/crazy the strippers are. Honestly, I think that would bother anyone. No one likes their SO telling them that someone is better than they are. I think it's important that you let him know how you feel. If he doesn't get it, ask him how he would react if you were out clubbing with your friends and you sent him a text about the shirtless guy you were grinding with and how hot and crazy he is and how he's such an expert at turning you on. I bet that sort of thing would hurt his feelings, too.
Pfiend101 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 he was prob drunk. The first one wasn't a big deal, the second one is where its weird. Show him the text see if he even remembers. He might not.
Author CD111 Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 I don't know the entire story...there are still many if's. The severity of the entire story will direct my entire reaction to the situation. Such as if he didn't remember texting what else did he not remember from that night. I am hoping that is not the case. I am not going to contact him and am going to wait until he calls. However, when he does call I want to be calm, collected and direct. Are there any other guys out there that would like to comment?
MrNate Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Man, that's not cool. Yeah, just show those texts to him. And ask him if he would've liked it if you sent something along those lines about some guy. Even if it was a joke, comparing you to a stripper isn't cool. Duh, of course the stripper is going to be great. She wants as much of his cash as possible.
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Wow, what a douche. It's not even the fact that he was at a strip club that's so bad...it's the way he rubbed it in your face. I agree with pretty much everything that has been said but couldn't resist chiming in. If, when he sobers up, he sees the texts and says "whoa, I don't know what I was thinking, that was way out of line," then there's room for discussion. Otherwise I personally probably wouldn't stay in the relationship. Men enjoying looking at naked attractive women is a fact of life. A man looking at an attractive naked woman and then sending his girlfriend texts about how she just doesn't measure up is not. It's not something you have to put up with.
Author CD111 Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 ha, I just got a text from him that he is on his way home and another saying he wants to do something when he gets home. I think he has no clue. This could even be entertaining.
phineas Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Men enjoying looking at naked attractive women is a fact of life. A man looking at an attractive naked woman and then sending his girlfriend texts about how she just doesn't measure up is not. It's not something you have to put up with. Well, the strip club owners around here apparently haven't got that memo.
mrt336 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I couldn't help but think of Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift... "I love you babe, and Imma stay with you, BUT THIS STRIPPER IS THE BEST STRIPPER EVER!" He was probably drunk and it was definitely insensitive. Accidentally punch him in the balls.
eraser Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 "I love you babe, and Imma stay with you, BUT THIS STRIPPER IS THE BEST STRIPPER EVER!" I second "accidentally" giving it to his boys in a bad way...
fantasy2000 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I don't know the entire story...there are still many if's. The severity of the entire story will direct my entire reaction to the situation. Such as if he didn't remember texting what else did he not remember from that night. I am hoping that is not the case. I am not going to contact him and am going to wait until he calls. However, when he does call I want to be calm, collected and direct. Are there any other guys out there that would like to comment? I'm sorry to say I have a some experience with this. I would not have wanted my SO to know the details of what went on at a strip club let alone compare her to a stripper.......in real time via text...yikes! how insulting. I am not trying to excuse my behavior at strip bars either, far from it but I would suggest you lay down the rules to him. I am really trying to reform myself when it comes to this subject. My advice to you is that you must not allow him to dismiss it as a joke and innocent fun. Simply tell him that his behavior is unacceptable to you and make your feelings clear to him. One thing I am learning is that women must lay down the law on what they will tolerate from their bf/h when it comes to strip bars. Otherwise it leaves the door open for future incidents like the one you described as it might appear to him that you took it lightly.
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