In love with an older women, but not able to commit all the way...

April 11, 2010

Without going into much detail about my situation, I wanted to ask others here if they have ever been in something similar.

I'm in love with a women who happens to be older than me. I am 35, she is 43. I have never been married and have no children. She has been married, and has 3 grown daughters in their late teens to early 20s. I have never been in any serious relationships, and this one is the most amazing, intense and heartbreaking of all. You could say I was a late bloomer when it came to having relationships, rather than a guy who played the scene not wanting anything "serious. So I feel I am rather green.

I've always had a desire to get married, and not have kids until quite a few years into the marriage. There are many reasons for this, but the main ones being that I want to enjoy and experience my time with my wife, to travel and forge that close bond that will last us our lifetimes together. I've seen too many couples not last the distance when they got married and had kids straight away. And the other being, I want a stable relationship, a lovely nest and things ready for when we do have kids.

I've always wanted this in regards to marriage. But as love would go, you never know who you will fall for. And thus I fell for a women older than me. It hurt her for me to express these feelings, but try as I might I could never get to the root of them or solve them. My inability to understand this or hoping time would solve things didn't help. She just recently ended our relationship for quite a few reasons, but this is at the heart of the situation.

So now I'm left with no one. But I'm confused, as I do love this woman. And if she was actually younger than me I wouldn't hesitate in marrying her and wanting to have kids. But the being older part, well it brings all kinds of fears. Like we won't be able to have that time or years before having kids as with her age, it could already be too late to have any more kids. So wanting that space or lack of father time pressing down on us, is what I really wanted. But unlike men, women obviously the older they get the more difficult it can be to have children.

So why am I feeling unable to commit here? Why has the age difference made me like a deer in headlights. I so wanted to find an answer, to solve it, or to come to grips with things, and move forward, get married and have a life together.

But now I so very much need some wisdom and guidance from I'm sure those persons far more knowledgeable and full of life experience than myself.

April 11, 2010

Is having children that important to you? It seems to be the only real sticking point here. But even a woman your age waiting a while to have children is going to increase risks for her and the child. And you might not be aware of it, but a man's age does affect the health of a baby too.

CCL

April 11, 2010

Wow, this is a tough one, my heart goes out to you ( and the woman in this story)

I was married to a man who was 16 yrs younger than me, something I never would have imagined until I met Mike, and then it didn't matter, not one bit.

BUT he had health problems and had already decided he didn't want children so we didn't have that struggle. He ended up drowning after experiencing a seizure at 24 while walking home, so you never know how long any of us have on this planet.

If having children is a lifelong dream, I think you will always be sad that you don't have that option. Of course adoption IS always an option if you don't need them to carry your specific DNA.

I don't think anyone here can actually "solve" this for you, but I hear you and I empathize.

April 11, 2010

Talk to her about this, I mean really really talk.

She may not want anymore kids, but maybe she does. There are other ways to have kids.

If she does not want to carry the child, maybe a surrogate?

Love doesn't always come around, and true love is really rare. I don't think we find it even if we go looking for it. True love finds you.

Relationships are a give and take - compromise. Hard part of a compromise is finding and deciding what you can and can not live with.

I hear you. Life and love is tough. Good luck on what you decide.

April 11, 2010

You're hurting because you cared for her but you are in different life places with different goals & needs. You wish to marry, travel and spend several yrs building a strong foundation for the marriage before having children. Your goals are totally normal.

Your 43 yr old former girlfriend? she's far more likely to be

holding a grandchild in the next 5 yrs than she is another baby of her own.. even if she wanted to start over again with an infant which is doubtful as her first set are almost grown and once they've finished college she'll be able to reclaim her freedom.

This relationship has done you a lot of good in that it's helped you clarify what it is that you want and that is a very good thing. As for your former girlfriend, don't feel too badly, we older women understand that if we're dating a younger man who's never had kids that chances are good that all we're going to get is a yr or so of companionship and steady sex before he moves on to find a suitable younger woman.

You were good to her? didn't make false promises? gave her steady hot sex? She's got plenty to remember you fondly by, remember she's had her marriage, she's had her babies..it would be selfish of her to resent you for wanting to also have yours.

April 12, 2010

Life doesn't happen according to our schedules all the time. Well, I'm sure love doesn't. Eight years isn't a huge difference -- you just have both had different life experiences.

It sounds like the two of you have moved on? If you still love her, speak up soon. I know people who have married with a much larger age difference than the one you have with your (ex) S.O. Have you asked her if she wants another child? I realize in your dream world you want to get married, have some years to connect and then have children -- but it seems that would be something you could forego (the waiting several years) if you truly want to marry and have children with this woman. Of course, she may be beyond that in her mind herself since she has adult children. I know it's not physically impossible -- my mom had me when she was 42. There are -- obviously -- more risks involved, but it can happen. Have you two discussed it?

I think if you really want her as your wife, you'd move mountains. Neither of you are married. Both available. She's right there.

I wonder if she were "younger than you" or maybe even your own age if you would still come up with a reason not to marry her? I mean -- I have no way of knowing that -- just speculating. It could be commitment issues if you're 35 and not yet married. Or it could just be a choice you've made. A "late bloomer" as you've described it.

I'm thinking if you're in love with her and want to marry her, you will do everything you can to make it happen. Now is certainly not the time to hesitate if that's what you want.

April 12, 2010

Is having children that important to you? It seems to be the only real sticking point here. But even a woman your age waiting a while to have children is going to increase risks for her and the child. And you might not be aware of it, but a man's age does affect the health of a baby too.

CCL

Yes I do want to have kids, but her age and me wanting to spend time together before having kids only adds to my worry. Obviously the longer we wait, the less of a chance having kids there is. So the solution is to have kids immediately. But that's not the way I want my life to happen. I feel totally unprepared to have children this very moment in many ways, financially, relationship wise not having spent enough time with this person etc. Is that selfish of me? or a sad realistic approach that if I want to do things how I feel is right, it will be without my love? Or throw caution to the wind, dive right in and just go for it. I can't do this, and she kept telling me that real love, true love would enable me to do so.

Wow, this is a tough one, my heart goes out to you ( and the woman in this story)

I was married to a man who was 16 yrs younger than me, something I never would have imagined until I met Mike, and then it didn't matter, not one bit.

BUT he had health problems and had already decided he didn't want children so we didn't have that struggle. He ended up drowning after experiencing a seizure at 24 while walking home, so you never know how long any of us have on this planet.

If having children is a lifelong dream, I think you will always be sad that you don't have that option. Of course adoption IS always an option if you don't need them to carry your specific DNA.

I don't think anyone here can actually "solve" this for you, but I hear you and I empathize.

I do want children, and she would want more with me. The issues aren't from her, it's with me. I am the one who can't make any decisive decissions. Who can't come to grips with the age difference. She is ready to do whatever, anything, everything to be together to live a life together. In the end she left me due to my fears about this, not having the same convincing conviction she has. If I were to feel I want this 1000%, and made moves to make it happen, I would no doubt have her in my arms again and for the rest of our lives too. But I can't force myself to feel this way, and why I do, it doesn't last, my doubts come back, the hesitations etc.

Talk to her about this, I mean really really talk.
She may not want anymore kids, but maybe she does. There are other ways to have kids.
If she does not want to carry the child, maybe a surrogate?

Love doesn't always come around, and true love is really rare. I don't think we find it even if we go looking for it. True love finds you.

Relationships are a give and take - compromise. Hard part of a compromise is finding and deciding what you can and can not live with.

I hear you. Life and love is tough. Good luck on what you decide.

She had no desire to have anymore kids before she met me. But she is more than happy and willing, wanting to have children with me. Very good reminder about compromises. She made so many, I made very few. But to keep her, to have her in my life, I could not keep convincing myself I was going to be ok with the age difference. The time wanting to spend together before having kids would only increase our chance of never having them. I knew it was going to be a strain, and doubted we would make the distance. So rather than go blindly forward, I hesitated, paused and tried to get to the bottom of things. She wanted to just go forward one step at a time together, and whatever happens happens.

You're hurting because you cared for her but you are in different life places with different goals & needs. You wish to marry, travel and spend several yrs building a strong foundation for the marriage before having children. Your goals are totally normal.

Your 43 yr old former girlfriend? she's far more likely to be
holding a grandchild in the next 5 yrs than she is another baby of her own.. even if she wanted to start over again with an infant which is doubtful as her first set are almost grown and once they've finished college she'll be able to reclaim her freedom.

This relationship has done you a lot of good in that it's helped you clarify what it is that you want and that is a very good thing. As for your former girlfriend, don't feel too badly, we older women understand that if we're dating a younger man who's never had kids that chances are good that all we're going to get is a yr or so of companionship and steady sex before he moves on to find a suitable younger woman.

You were good to her? didn't make false promises? gave her steady hot sex? She's got plenty to remember you fondly by, remember she's had her marriage, she's had her babies..it would be selfish of her to resent you for wanting to also have yours.

I realized we were in different places in our lives fairly early on. But chose to not focus on it too much and enjoy the time we spent together. Hoping that my thoughts of the age difference and that would dissipate and not be a problem.

But it hurt her so much to know I felt this. She felt we could move past it, and just go for it in our lives together. Her self esteem suffered, she felt I didn't really love her because I was hesitant. I do love her very much, but could see the feelings and thoughts I had just seemed to be at odds with the person I was in love with. Confusing yes and sad because I couldn't fix the situation or bring myself to throw my cautions to the wind and charge forward.

Oh she was more than ready, happy to try and have kids with me. As she told me over and over towards the end of our relationship, she was willing to give me everything, all of her, whereas I was not. She even looked at medical ways of becoming pregnant and having children if it turned out we couldn't have any.

Don't feel too badly? Awww I feel so much more than that. Regret, sorrow, anguish, pain and a sadness I've never felt. I feel like I let her down and wasn't there for her. That I put myself first, focused on myself while she was putting herself out there for me, ready to do whatever to be with me for life. And looking back and seeing just how much she loves me, kills me. It would be so much easier if she didn't love me so much, but the love I feel from her, the love I have for her is very real. And remembering her love, makes me love her a million times more. But it seemed, not enough to bridge my fears and worries about kids, the age differences etc. That's the part that eats me up inside. She is the best thing to ever happen to me, the most amazing person, and I'm letting the age difference get in the way.

I was good to her yes, but towards the end felt frustrated in that I told her I could not endure endless tension or arguments we were having. Her fears and self worth being eaten away, feeling I was rejecting her over and over again. I pulled back a little, to try and save us, but this only made her more fearful, more emotional, more insecure. That wasn't my intention to ever hurt her, or get back at her or cause any pain. But it happened. Yet despite this she still wanted me, but all of me, no more hesitations on my part.

I never made any false promises. When I told her I loved her, it was true. I will add very briefly, that in the beginning of our relationship I did not know about her kids or know her real age. Please everyone do not focus on this, or say anything unkind towards her. I only bring this up because before this, I was telling her how much I wanted a life together, to have kids etc. But then finding out her real age, her having kids, well it didn't diminish my love for her, and I did tell her age was only a number at the time. But it did cause me to hesitate somewhat. And in time, it weighed on me. Not because of anything to do with her not telling me at first. This wasn't a trust issue. It was an issue over now having to in my mind reset ones wants, goals etc. as the circumstances, details and facts were different. To her it made no differance. If I loved her as I said, I would move mountain and earth to be with her and have a life together.

Ah the sex part. Steady hot, and constant. The best sex of my life, and while she never said it outright, knowing by the things she did say, the most emotional, powerful and enjoyable she had experienced. Heck I think one morning we had the big O five times. A day to remember for sure. Sex was a part of our relationship we never had issues with. She was always telling me how amazed she was to feel the things she did towards me. How I made her feel, turned her on etc. And the evidence was certainly there. She was amazed in a good way, and enjoyed it tremendously. Obviously from a physical standpoint, but for her sex was all about the emotional aspect. She only felt sexual attraction to persons she was in love with. And she was head over heals in love. The kind of love one feels when they miraculously stumble upon a person who they never would have taken notice of. Yet fall so hard, and so truly in love.

I'm not in any illusions a sex life with her would have lasted our whole lifetime. I'm pretty sure at some point it would fade, but she wins hands down as the most incredible partner I've ever had the pleasure to be with.

Yes she's had a marriage, had three children and has lived a life I have not. She doesn't resent me, rather she left me due to not wanting to feel anymore pain. And telling me I am now and will always forever be the love of her life. She is the love of my life, and I never was insincere when I told her of my love for her.

Now the reality is I am worried I will never find another person like her. Thus the compromise part. To be with her, I have to give up on my own wants and desires when it comes to children, the age difference etc. I know it won't be an issue now, but what about down the line? Will I regret not listing to my own heart and mind. Will I resent things. Or would it work out even better than my wildest dreams, thus me this very moment I am wasting time and should dive into a life headfirst with her.

Also the chances of me ending up in another relationship anytime soon are nil. I seem to take awhile between relationships as I don't just hookup or have casual encounters. So will I regret this in more ways to come, that in the end, I may actually end up alone and with no one.

Life doesn't happen according to our schedules all the time. Well, I'm sure love doesn't. Eight years isn't a huge difference -- you just have both had different life experiences.

It sounds like the two of you have moved on? If you still love her, speak up soon. I know people who have married with a much larger age difference than the one you have with your (ex) S.O. Have you asked her if she wants another child? I realize in your dream world you want to get married, have some years to connect and then have children -- but it seems that would be something you could forego (the waiting several years) if you truly want to marry and have children with this woman. Of course, she may be beyond that in her mind herself since she has adult children. I know it's not physically impossible -- my mom had me when she was 42. There are -- obviously -- more risks involved, but it can happen. Have you two discussed it?

I think if you really want her as your wife, you'd move mountains. Neither of you are married. Both available. She's right there.

I wonder if she were "younger than you" or maybe even your own age if you would still come up with a reason not to marry her? I mean -- I have no way of knowing that -- just speculating. It could be commitment issues if you're 35 and not yet married. Or it could just be a choice you've made. A "late bloomer" as you've described it.

I'm thinking if you're in love with her and want to marry her, you will do everything you can to make it happen. Now is certainly not the time to hesitate if that's what you want.

I agree 8 years isn't a huge difference. If she was 33 and I was 25, I wouldn't have a problem with this. But she is 43, and unless we pumped out kids immediately, the age difference then becomes very important, as it's those very 8 years I want now to give us the time to spend together, forge our relationship, then try for kids. Heck I'd be happy with 3-4 years.

Well the breakup is very recent, only the past week. I havn't spoken with her for 5-6 days.

We have talked about kids yes. She is happy either way. If we didn't have kids, or had kids, she just wants me, to have a life together, and whatever we decide or happens is what she wants. She would be thrilled to have kids with me though from our discussions, but we never got that far. My feelings of hesitation and fears got in the way of things.

It comes down to not what she wants, she's very clear on that. She wants me, all of me, a life together, the mountains being moved part. I want her, but can't make that final step due to my own wants, fears and hesitations. I can't in good conscience ignore what I feel, and blindly charge forward only to then have things not turn out nicely. I don't fear us having a great life together, I fear us trying and failing due to me already have some reservations. That would be foolish and irresponsible and I would never be able to live with myself for not being careful and throwing caution to the wind.

I already mentioned that if she was younger than me, I would not have these thoughts. I would marry her, I would want a life together with children etc., because we would have time on our side. We would have that space to travel, forge that close bond etc., then prepare for kids.

Everything you say is correct. I know my hesitation is causing me to lose her potentially for good. I know I should be moving mountains and everything to make us a couple, to be together, but as I've mentioned before I'm like a deer in headlights right now. And this is something that's been there for several months, so this isn't just something that's happened now. I've been wrestling with these thoughts for the best part of a year, and in the process lost the love of my life. I don't think I have commitment issues, in fact from my past relationships I'm often the one who wanted to or had hoped to get married before the other.

Thank you all for your comments. Hope to read me. I know you guys can't fix this situation, rather it is my hope your words will enable me to see things from a different perspective, and thus enable me to make decisions I have been struggling with for so long now.

April 12, 2010

Soronery, I hear what you are saying. If only you can change time. Just recently I was talking to a co-worker, his GF is 16 years older, she is a grandmother, he is in his late 30's no kids. He claims to be happy with her, he has no desire to have children. He just wants to spend as much time with her as possible. He is content not having children making it easier to love her and spend his life with her..

In your case, it sounds like the age gap is the main problem, she is willing to have a child with you right now.. Women generally live longer than men, and 43 is still young.. Look at Demi Moore and Ashton, she's 47, and I just read in some gossip rag that she is trying to have a baby.You need to let go of the age gap and embrace life with her.. age is just a number. If she is healthy, then you may be able to hold off having kids for a couple of years..Don't let her go, a love like yours is hard to find.. Stella

April 12, 2010

If you really loved this woman, you would be able to let go of your perfect scenario and just enjoy being with her...

It is clear that you don't have a lot of experience in relationships and this woman is mature enough to not hold that against you. Have you even wondered that a girl of 30 might reject you because you don't have enough experience.

I also find it strange that when you are 35 yourself, you emphasize that she at 43 is an "older" woman. Come on, if a guy would be 43 and his gf 35, it would be seen as normal.

April 12, 2010

Yes I do want to have kids, but her age and me wanting to spend time together before having kids only adds to my worry. Obviously the longer we wait, the less of a chance having kids there is. So the solution is to have kids immediately. But that's not the way I want my life to happen.

That stood out to me. This woman obviously, from what you've told, was prepared to bend over backwards to please you - have kids now or later etc.

If the way you want your life to happen is more important than being with her she did the right choice in letting you go. My life is not happening the way I wanted - but at least I am spending it with the people I want to spend it with. To me, that is ultimately what really matters.

April 12, 2010

Watching this morning as Kathie Lee and Hoda covered the story about Dixie Carter's death made my mind go back to this thread. She was 14 years younger than Hal Holbrook, her husband, and yet -- she's passed away now and he's still living. You never know how life is going to work out. Someone asked Holbrook how he stayed so young looking and he said he needed to remain young because Dixie was feisty. My heart goes out to him. He said he can't even talk about it. He truly loved her -- regardless of the age gap.

Perhaps you're not as in love with this woman as you think? If you are, I don't know how you could let it go because of the age difference and possible child bearing difficulties. As someone has mentioned, 43 is young. Seize the day.

April 12, 2010

You could be with a younger woman, be together with her for a couple of years, then try to have kids and come to the conclusion that your combination does not manage to conceive a child. What will you do? Dump the woman and look for one who is able to bear a child?

As someone said, the fact that this lady at 43 with older kids was still prepared to consider having a child, shows how much she loved you. She is capable of a love you are not capable of and might never be.

True love does not work with a perfect scenario. My xMM has a disabled child which will require care for the rest of her life. When I met him I have asked myself the question if I could live with that. By our 3rd date I had taken the decision that if we would ever be together, this child would never be a problem for me.

April 12, 2010

Soronery,

In reading over your further descriptions of things a couple points bother me & really stand out in my mind as red flags.

Her all or nothing stance.. expecting you to throw all caution to the wind & do it NOW expecting you to totally set aside the plans you've envisioned for your life. Not to mention your totally admirable desire to build a strong marital foundation before adding babies to the mix.

Her saying "I totally get where you're coming from, I've had 3 of my own, let's take a bit of time exploring our options re: IVF, egg donor, surrogacy etc to decide if

we can find a solution that will work for us both" is reasonable.. her saying now or never is not and to me at any rate bespeaks an immaturity that is alarming.

This woman has had a marriage, she's had not one but 3 babies for her to get all butt hurt because you are being careful & want to be sure that this is a road you both want to travel down just sends up huge red flags to me. This gal is 43, old enough to know that we don't always get what we want when we want it & having had & reared her own set of kids I would think she would understand & respect the caution & care you are approaching all of this with. She above all should know how painful a failed marriage involving children is.

I don't know but I'm getting more than a whiff of selfish, immature thinking coming from somebody who's of an age where they ought to know better.Perhaps you've dodged a rather large bullet here ?

April 12, 2010

How long have you two been dating?

And what would you have done if you two had accidentally gotten pregnant while dating?

Is is so very important to you to have children with your own DNA, or are you more interested in being a father to a child regardless of DNA? Adopting could be a good scenario for you...start the process now and in a few years, you might be lucky enough to adopt a child.

I think she's done the right thing by walking away at this point. Letting the issue slide isn't going to help. There's no point in staying together if this is a deal-breaker for you.

April 12, 2010

If you really loved this woman, you would be able to let go of your perfect scenario and just enjoy being with her...

I agree with this. I know young couples who have everything planned out, take time for themselves and then try to have kids and have trouble conceiving. The plans we make may not always happen. I remember the first time I got pregnant, I miscarried. I was so scared that I might not ever be able to have kids. My husband loved me so much. He said he'd rather have me no matter what happens. We both wanted children very much but we wanted each other more. Thank God I later did have children, but it wouldn't have changed our love for each other. Once you love someone, you prepare for the roller coaster of life.

April 12, 2010

So the solution is to have kids immediately. But that's not the way I want my life to happen.

Life is what happens when you are making other plans

What do you want: this hypothetical, scripted life/wife? Or her?

Only you can determine if the age factor is a dealbreaker, but you will NOT meet a real woman that fits perfectly into your life plans.

I feel totally unprepared to have children this very moment in many ways, financially, relationship wise not having spent enough time with this person etc. Is that selfish of me? or a sad realistic approach that if I want to do things how I feel is right, it will be without my love? Or throw caution to the wind, dive right in and just go for it. I can't do this, and she kept telling me that real love, true love would enable me to do so.

She's right. If she were truly the woman you need, you'd choose her and trust the kid thing would work out (keeping options open for surrogacy, adoption, etc).

That doesn't mean you are making the wrong choice. It just means that, if you really, truly loved her, you would see all the ways it can work--not all the ways it can not work.

April 13, 2010

...well a perfect solution suggests itself, a la Woody Allen, you can dump Mom and try to get with one of her daughters.

Problem solved.

April 13, 2010

I truly don't understand your hesitation when there are so many options these days that anyone who wants a child can have one.

You're willing to give up true love so you can have this fantasy perfect sequence of events happen??????

How silly is that?

April 14, 2010

...well a perfect solution suggests itself, a la Woody Allen, you can dump Mom and try to get with one of her daughters.

Problem solved.

Harsh - way harsh.

April 14, 2010

I totally agree with XXOO who said that life is what happens to us while we are making OTHER plans. So many things in life just don't and won't fall into the neat fantasies we dream about.

Many people have the dream of the perfect family and then have a severely handicapped child, or one that gets cancer, or gets killed in an accident, or one of the two partners gets a devastating illness and dies. All of the above have happened to people I know well...

Life is so messy. My second husband is 12 years younger than me, and was working around me for a year before I even noticed him, because I thought he was too young to possibly fit into my 'plan'...He has made me happier than I ever have been in life. Had you told me when I was a senior in high school that that little boy in kindergarten would be my husband, I would have laughed in derision...life is like that...

April 26, 2010

After reading some of the replies here, I'd have to say some were a little harsh. However, that doesn't mean I havn't been thinking and contemplating them all.

For those who were not clear, I did not leave this woman. She left me despite my pleas not to. She felt it was time to end things for good and no longer have any contact whatsoever.

It's been extremely difficult. All I can think about is her. And I actually got to speak with her yesterday. Things just flowed out of me, that I hadn't told her, and about what I want in my life. I asked her to be my wife, for us to have a life together. She was stunned but more so thinking what I was saying would pass. She did express how much she loved me, how much she missed me, and how very much she had wanted things to be different. Also that I should have said all of this 2 months ago.

So we will talk again. But the thought of losing her for good, and missing her so much seemed to have erased alot of my doubts, hesitations and whatever was hanging over me when we were together.

April 28, 2010

I already mentioned that if she was younger than me, I would not have these thoughts.

Charming.

It sounds like this relationship has come to its inevitable end. I know it's really heartbreaking because there was a lot of love there, but you had different goals and ultimately, you couldn't make it work.

April 28, 2010

If I were a cynic, I'd say the reason you were waffling was because at 35, you're still hoping to end up with a 20-something hottie some day soon.

But I won't be a cynic. I don't why you don't want to commit, but I can tell you that woman around my age (I am 40) have little patience with men who won't commit. Occasionally, there are exception, but not very often. If you have reached the age of 35 without a single serious relationship, I cannot see how from that to marriage. But whatever you decide, do it sooner rather than later.

April 29, 2010

Love is Patient, so that which must be rushed isn't the right love for you.

Listen to your gut, it's trying to tell you something. I think your gut reminds you of your deep conviction of the need for three years of couple time before any child to avoid divorce. Women are obviously more impulsive when it comes to marriage since in the majority of cases women initiate both the marriage as well as the divorce. The consequence must be that women have high expectations on how much better life will be like after the ceremony, expectations that are a soil for resentment.

Understandably you now miss the great parts of your relationship when it's taken away, but you don't remember the fighting that also was a part of it. If you go back, know that your uneasy feeling will surface again and promt renewed fighting. This happens because we humans have more have several goals but only partial compatiblity.

Since the sex is purely emotional for her, her lack of internal drive will make the Fanstastic Sex very vulnerable to any resentment from her: You do something to piss her off, sex dries up in an instant. If you have a lower sex drive this can work I guess. I suspect that the great sex is her way to catch you, not something that will continue if you would throw caution to the wind.

Listen to you gut, I think it's telling you that having your own kids is a deal breaker as of now. And if you don't listen to your own gut, you let other's opinion rule guide your life.

Oh, ignore comments such as "If you truly loved me, you would (...)". That's pure manipulation to try to make you give up your independent thinking.

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In love with an older women, but not able to commit all the way...

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