SilentVoice Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hi all...I need some advice on a few basic things . A little history about me. I am 19 year old female college student. I technically have my own apartment ,were I am roommates with my best friend. I am starting my own business and work some free lance work. And have no history at all when it comes to dating. Lets just say I suck at dating . :-). For the last year I have been working on myself. Working on loving myself as well self-evaluation. And I have been doing much better personally. I have never been a real relationship but not not aware of relationship things.(if you get my drift) Any who enough basics. I am no way a man basher of any sort,but lets just say I don't understand them. Ok so when it comes to trivial stuff such texting and who is courting whom I am at a lost. Ok,so when you are talking to someone new and you are maybe just getting to know each other ,texting and phone calls , how long should it be before an actual date?If you are in getting to know someone and you realize that this person is not a good match for you ?Do you just just cut off communication with that person. Or flat out tell the person you are not interested?Do people really to each others house for a first date ? I am pretty sure I am out the loop but is this how it usually works.Especially when the house is the persons parent's? I am pretty sure my questions are pretty silly and my post is just about all over the place but that is some questions that I have been needing to ask? Thanks in advance I guess .. :-)
ConflictedGuy27 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hi all...I need some advice on a few basic things . A little history about me. I am 19 year old female college student. I technically have my own apartment ,were I am roommates with my best friend. I am starting my own business and work some free lance work. And have no history at all when it comes to dating. Lets just say I suck at dating . :-). For the last year I have been working on myself. Working on loving myself as well self-evaluation. And I have been doing much better personally. I have never been a real relationship but not not aware of relationship things.(if you get my drift) Any who enough basics. I am no way a man basher of any sort,but lets just say I don't understand them. Ok so when it comes to trivial stuff such texting and who is courting whom I am at a lost. Ok,so when you are talking to someone new and you are maybe just getting to know each other ,texting and phone calls , how long should it be before an actual date?If you are in getting to know someone and you realize that this person is not a good match for you ?Do you just just cut off communication with that person. Or flat out tell the person you are not interested?Do people really to each others house for a first date ? I am pretty sure I am out the loop but is this how it usually works.Especially when the house is the persons parent's? I am pretty sure my questions are pretty silly and my post is just about all over the place but that is some questions that I have been needing to ask? Thanks in advance I guess .. :-) The answers to the questions you posed should come from within you. You took some time to work on yourself and do some self reflection and evaluation. I would advise you to use what you came up with about yourself to temper what you want from another person and how far/fast you're willing to go. For instance, are you a conservative girl? Do you want to save yourself for marriage? Are you trying to hop in the sack, so to speak, with the first guy that shows an interest in you? Self reflection really will dictate when its time for a first date. If you say, I've talked to this person, maybe we have something in common and I'd like to explore that - then perhaps its time for a date, if you have some romantic interest there. With regard to cutting off communication or not if you find they "aren't a match", you really have to know what you're looking for. Do you want a long term relationship? Are you looking for a future husband (I advise against doing so so early)? These questions matter because they certainly help to clarify things when you're dating. You say you don't understand men, well here's a tip: men are very straight forward, in general. If you say something like, "I'm glad we're going on a date tonight, I'd really like to see if you and I have some things in common." Then you've already set the foundation that you guys are just getting to know each other to see whether or not what you both want is there - to see if you're a "match" so to speak. Regarding your last point - going to someone's house for a first date - that again will depend on your self reflection and what you want. Going over to someone's house is a very fast move. Commonly girls that accept such invitations are usually pressured pretty strong for physical intimacy, if not sex. Many girls aren't even pressured at all, as they're fully aware of the circumstance and accepted the invitation because they want to go physical - these are faster girls. Look in yourself and understand what you want. If you want to get to know somebody first before you put yourself in a situation you're not comfortable in, do what's right for you - go see a movie, go to a bon fire with mutual friends or a group, etc. Remember, men are very straight forward, and if you tactfully tell us what your expectations are you'll be in a good position not to lead anyone on and in a better position to "dump" someone that isn't a match. Hope this helped.
Author SilentVoice Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Thank you .. I appreciate your response I am no place to be looking for husband anytime soon. It sounds nice but I have so much more to do in life now besides that.But I can't wait to be married in far-out future. I wouldn't last three months in a marriage at this stage in my life. I am no way conservative but if it was sex I only wanted I would have walked to the nearest bar.I just want to enjoy my coming 20's and live life .. :-) I don't like someone trying to lead me on ,so I try my best not to do it to anyone else.So I have a hard time with that .I don't like just cutting someone off but I guess if I am not sending wrong symbols I shouldn't have to worry about my conscious . I think I really need to sit down and figure out what I really want. Since my answer right now would be. Nothing serious but some kind of serious. Someone to be able to call whenever but leave me alone when I don't want to be bothered. Someone for great sex but not to clingy after but someone to come over when I want to cuddle. See I am pretty sure my mind is all over the place... I just want to be happy.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Yeah, you seem a bit all over the place, but so did I when I was 19. What you want changes as you grow, see I'm 27 and I recently arrived at a different place on my life - much like you I'm revaluating what I'd like in a long term partner. Always be safe, and never stop working on you and your goals and you'll be fine with the dating thing. Just get out there and see what happens - again just be safe and keep your priorities straight. Also, trust the older folks when they advise waiting to marry until late 20s, early 30s - it's sage advise. Have fun!
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