Hot Carl Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I hate it. I'm terrible at meeting new people. It takes me a long time to relax and just be myself.
Engadget Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Do what Ben Stiller did in There's Something About Mary?
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 HotCarl.. From what I know of you on here you are a very funny, smart and good looking guy and any girl that goes out with you will have fun and enjoy herself.. I know you said it takes a while for you to be yourself.. Give yourself more credit than that.. I think you are yourself all the time Have fun...
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 By the way.. she is probably just as nervous as you are...
carhill Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I can empathize. By the time I get really comfortable, they die. Guess I need to work on that Seriously, IME, and I've fought this battle, the only way to beat it is through rote repetition. Rinse and repeat until it doesn't matter anymore. Ask out anyone (IRL or online) who remotely catches your interest. Brutalize yourself with social interaction. I took to flying to foreign countries and being totally out of my element as part of this solution. It's worked wonders. Hope the date goes well
Author Hot Carl Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 HotCarl.. From what I know of you on here you are a very funny, smart and good looking guy and any girl that goes out with you will have fun and enjoy herself.. I know you said it takes a while for you to be yourself.. Give yourself more credit than that.. I think you are yourself all the time Have fun... Thanks, Art. Those are good things to have someone say. The signals I'm getting from these women are kind of the opposite. I can empathize. By the time I get really comfortable, they die. Guess I need to work on that Seriously, IME, and I've fought this battle, the only way to beat it is through rote repetition. Rinse and repeat until it doesn't matter anymore. Ask out anyone (IRL or online) who remotely catches your interest. Brutalize yourself with social interaction. I took to flying to foreign countries and being totally out of my element as part of this solution. It's worked wonders. Hope the date goes well They haven't gone all that well. I feel confident right up until I see them. Seeing them just knocks me off track. But I agree. Going through it is the only way to overcome it. I guess would be the advantage of online dating: if nothing else you get to practice. By the way.. she is probably just as nervous as you are... Maybe at first they are. But then I think they figure out they have the upper hand. They don't seem at all nervous. Attractive women here are so sure of themselves, because they have the practice automatically: they are constantly around men who are interested in them. They know exactly where they stand with guys.
Citizen Erased Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 They know you're nervous cos I'd imagine you go quiet. As Art said, you are a very funny, smart and good looking guy. IMHO nobody will be good enough for you but that's just me. The thing about you is that despite all those things you either don't believe them or you don't think it's enough. Well, it is. I've actually met you, you're very easy to be around. Have you always been nervous or is it an as of late thing?
Author Hot Carl Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 (edited) just chill HC I'll have to give that a try. Show her your rainbow bright puppy Chicks do seem to like the all-American dog. They know you're nervous cos I'd imagine you go quiet. As Art said, you are a very funny, smart and good looking guy. IMHO nobody will be good enough for you but that's just me. The thing about you is that despite all those things you either don't believe them or you don't think it's enough. Well, it is. I've actually met you, you're very easy to be around. Have you always been nervous or is it an as of late thing? I get quiet and pretty self-conscious about what I'm doing and saying. I don't feel normal. I appreciate the compliments though. It means more hearing it from you, because you actually know me. And yes, I don't think it's enough. Actually I"m sure of it. There are some women who seem to be satisfied with it, and it's sometimes for that reason that I lose interest in them. As if I think that just means they are willing to settle for anyone. I'm only really interested in women who wouldn't have anything to do with me, because they are appropriately selective. But they freak me out. I know that's twisted and wrong. I don't think that's how it has to be. I could find someone who I respect and who respects me. I could forget about myself a little bit and just enjoy being with someone. I just have a bit of a self-esteem problem right now. That takes a lot of work to overcome. Carhill is right. It takes repetition. Edited April 11, 2010 by Hot Carl
homersheineken Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Chicks do seem to like the all-American dog. I always thought it looked like a french flag.
lofi_tokyo Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 By the way.. she is probably just as nervous as you are... Too true! In my experience, it is best to just pretend you're not nervous and do your best to be confident. Even if a bit of nervousness is showing, your date is likely to forgive that because they are too. Good news is, if ya make it past the first date, you're in a good spot.
Star Gazer Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Aww, coming from you, I'd find your nervousness endearing. How about a shot of vodka before the date?
marsle85 Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Going in there nervous only works against you long run. I'm sure you already know this. A woman is looking for you to take the lead and assume that role. Say this to yourself: I am smart and attractive. I am capable of showing someone a good time. The only thing stopping you is yourself.
Twenty-ten Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I just realized what your puppy reminds me of, it's this. Sounds like you are just rusty, do it often it won't feel so awkward. Or have a shot a vodka before you go out.
Citizen Erased Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I get quiet and pretty self-conscious about what I'm doing and saying. I don't feel normal. I appreciate the compliments though. It means more hearing it from you, because you actually know me. And yes, I don't think it's enough. Actually I"m sure of it. There are some women who seem to be satisfied with it, and it's sometimes for that reason that I lose interest in them. As if I think that just means they are willing to settle for anyone. I'm only really interested in women who wouldn't have anything to do with me, because they are appropriately selective. But they freak me out. I know that's twisted and wrong. I don't think that's how it has to be. I could find someone who I respect and who respects me. I could forget about myself a little bit and just enjoy being with someone. I just have a bit of a self-esteem problem right now. That takes a lot of work to overcome. Carhill is right. It takes repetition. Do you expect a lot from your partner? Aside from physical attributes which I know are important to you, as they are to everyone. I'd imagine so. I can see how people taking you at face value may make you suspicious of why they accept you for you if you require more than just a pretty face and an ability to hold an intelligent conversation. I'm probably off, I don't usually hit the mark when it comes to giving you advice. Your own self awareness usually kicks in and says "yes maybe but..." That may actually hold you back, you question yourself like most people don't even think to. Settle for anyone? You're what is known as a catch you silly man. You're good looking, have a good job and nice home, no kids or ex wife, intelligent and kind of sarcastic. You will get a lot of hits with online dating. You are never what anyone would consider someone to "settle" for. You just don't have the confidence right now to find someone YOU won't be settling for. How you get that back is beyond me, you've been out of the whole dating thing for awhile and you've not had the best of luck with your relationships so I can see why it's gone. I'm just happy you're even attempting dating again.
troggleputty Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 In my college days of yore, smoking a nice flavorful bowl of "tobacco" always worked for me.
Leia Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 They know you're nervous cos I'd imagine you go quiet. As Art said, you are a very funny, smart and good looking guy. IMHO nobody will be good enough for you but that's just me. The thing about you is that despite all those things you either don't believe them or you don't think it's enough. Well, it is. I've actually met you, you're very easy to be around. Have you always been nervous or is it an as of late thing? Do you expect a lot from your partner? Aside from physical attributes which I know are important to you, as they are to everyone. I'd imagine so. I can see how people taking you at face value may make you suspicious of why they accept you for you if you require more than just a pretty face and an ability to hold an intelligent conversation. I'm probably off, I don't usually hit the mark when it comes to giving you advice. Your own self awareness usually kicks in and says "yes maybe but..." That may actually hold you back, you question yourself like most people don't even think to. Settle for anyone? You're what is known as a catch you silly man. You're good looking, have a good job and nice home, no kids or ex wife, intelligent and kind of sarcastic. You will get a lot of hits with online dating. You are never what anyone would consider someone to "settle" for. You just don't have the confidence right now to find someone YOU won't be settling for. How you get that back is beyond me, you've been out of the whole dating thing for awhile and you've not had the best of luck with your relationships so I can see why it's gone. I'm just happy you're even attempting dating again. What CE said minus the fact that I haven't met you
Author Hot Carl Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Of course, appearance means something to me. I have to be attracted to her. But I also don't really appreciate over-pretty girls that much. It's similar to how I feel about music: there has to be that one little thing about the song that I like. Same thing with women: I wouldn't want perfection. But I need someone with some attributes that keep keep my attention. I spent all day today feeling miserable, like someone had just broken up with me. Doom and gloom. I couldn't get my mind on top of it all. I couldn't find the thing that explained it and would provide the stepping stone to "better next time". Usually I explain it and figure out what I was thinking wrong, and that gives me a boost for next time. Still working on that. I'm just happy you're even attempting dating again. I've taken too long away from it. I've wasted time. I didn't have to go this long, but it was so easy: I came out of the last one feeling bruised. I'm not sure I really healed, because I just neglected it. And that kept me from trying. And that meant my ability to relate to women eroded, and it was easier to tell myself "I'll do it later". A lot of laters have passed and I have nothing to show for it. I just have to treat these women as lessons. The problem is I don't know what the lesson actually is, besides "date more". And that's making me feel really anxious. I'd hate to find myself in the same situation after 6 months of trying. Still complaining that I can't relax. Somewhere along that line, I'd go right over the edge.
Author Hot Carl Posted April 13, 2010 Author Posted April 13, 2010 Still suffering today. I wish I could understand what is going on. I seriously feel like I just got out of a long relationship, and it wasn't my choice. According to some I'm being too hard on myself, but I don't even know what I'm thinking about it. I just feel like hell. Out of control.
alphamale Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Still suffering today. I wish I could understand what is going on. I seriously feel like I just got out of a long relationship, and it wasn't my choice. According to some I'm being too hard on myself, but I don't even know what I'm thinking about it. I just feel like hell. Out of control. did u go on the date yet HC??
Author Hot Carl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 did u go on the date yet HC?? I went on the weekend. That's the problem. This is the after effect.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I've taken too long away from it. I've wasted time. I didn't have to go this long, but it was so easy: Don't look at being single as wasting time- look at it as a time for self reflection. I think remaining single when you aren't feeling overly great about dating is a smart decision. When you don't feel 100%, you tend to choose the wrong partners. I haven't truly dated anyone meaningful in almost 5 years. When I was feeling bad about myself, I was dating ALOT, but I was choosing people that reflected my low opinion of myself.
Author Hot Carl Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 Don't look at being single as wasting time- look at it as a time for self reflection. I think remaining single when you aren't feeling overly great about dating is a smart decision. When you don't feel 100%, you tend to choose the wrong partners. I haven't truly dated anyone meaningful in almost 5 years. When I was feeling bad about myself, I was dating ALOT, but I was choosing people that reflected my low opinion of myself. I sort of agree. But the other side of it is that it's easy to just get into a comfortable rut and never try because you never feel 100%. It's not always true that when you're not looking love will find you. Love doesn't actually look very hard for you.
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I think remaining single when you aren't feeling overly great about dating is a smart decision. When you don't feel 100%, you tend to choose the wrong partners. Truer words have never been spoken!
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