Forgiveness

[Hearts and Stars]

I am not sure where to begin. I have not posted in a while. My husband and I are moving on our 4th year of marriage. We are both in a mid 20's and have a two year old daughter and and son who will be born this June 2010. Back in 2007 my husband had been talking to this girl online after my daughter was born. He mentioned that he new this girl since he was in high school and that they were just friends. 2 months after my daughter was born, my husband mentioned that his friend was in town and she wanted to meet us at the last minute. My daughter and I were not even ready, so my husband left by himself. That following week I had recieved news that my grandma was really sick and that she may only be around for a week or two. So my daughter and I took a two week trip 10 hours away from home to be with my grandma. When we cam back home I found an opened condom rapper in a shoe box and decided to do the worst and looked through his email archvies. During the time my daughter and I were gone he was speaking to this girl, planning on visting her when we were away and talking dirty to each other. I have never been able to overcome this issue and it has been over 2 years. We have been to marriage counciling, and I have spoke to a professional on my own for two weeks which did not seem to work. My husband and I love each other, but I tend to ask myself, " am truly marriage material?" I ask myself this becasue I do not not how to trust. When he gets on the rediculous facebook he speaks to a girl that I was in dance with for four years whom has always believed she was out of my league. Her mother was the dance instructor who also taught at our high school. My husband says he speaks with her online at times, and whenever they do speak it is always about our family. I do not want her to know anything about our family. I do not even speak to her on facebook, so the past issue comes up. Maybe Im just a jealous wife, maybe I dont know how to forgive, maybe its because im over 30 weeks pregnant, maybe Im not marriage material. What ever it is, Im afraid if I keep doing this, Im gonna run off the man who has ever truly loved me. My husband is out of town for a week, and there will be days when im in a good mood and we will text each other through out the day and the next morning I wake up thinking that im not a good wife and that I am a disapointment. I feel like itll only be a matter of time when he just gives up on me. I have spoke to him about this, and I have tried Zoloft which I will never take again. My husband says that he is not going anywhere and that he believes it is becasue my hormones are all over the place. He is a very understanding and down to earth kind of guy that loves to be social. Why cant I just live life and stop acting like a consperacy theorist ?

[MizzBlue72]

You have reasons to not trust him that is why. Open cpndom wrappers?? Dirty talk with another woman??

No - honey - sounds like u r marriage material, he is NOT