sweetseraph Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 It's been 6 months, and sometimes I am glad I am not with my ex. He was controlling and sometimes very mean to me. But I can't stop crying. Six months later and I am still a pile of jello when I think about my kids being split between us, not having mommy and daddy in the same house. We had problems, I know we did, but they were fixable. I feel so lonely and sad all the time. When my kids are home I put a smile on my face and pretend like everything is alright but inside I am dieing. My heart hurts like the wound is fresh. I can't stand that I feel this way and it hurts even more thinking that he has replaced me so easily. When will this end or will it ever end? I don' want to feel this way anymore and I don't know how to stop it. I feel like I am falling and there is nothing to grab onto. I need help so very badly and I don't know where to turn. No one knows how I feel, and no one understands it. I am constantly hearing comments from people that he was scum and I should be happy but that doesn't help, it only makes it worse because I still love him with all of my heart.
tojaz Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Your going to get a lot of different answers to this one. I'm a full year out, no kids, and it still hurts sometimes and I still love and miss her even though I do better on my own everyday. Like you I know our troubles were repairable, but in the end she wasn't wiling to put in the work. The best advice right now is to find the little things that make you feel better even if for a short while. For me a big part of that was LS and learning about the relationship and myself, but that is going to be differrent for everyone. I'm currently reading a book titled The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. I'm not very far along but has many tools to cope with the feelings of abandonment which are what hurt me the most right now. One thing I have seen since being on LS is that there is no set time frame of when you should be feeling better. It takes as long as it takes. Some recover and move on quickly and some take a while to mourn and thats fine. The worst thing you can do is try and rush it and bottle the emotions up. You need to release them if you are ever to be free of them. TOJAZ
HockeyMom Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 It's been 6 months, and sometimes I am glad I am not with my ex. He was controlling and sometimes very mean to me. But I can't stop crying. Six months later and I am still a pile of jello when I think about my kids being split between us, not having mommy and daddy in the same house. We had problems, I know we did, but they were fixable. I feel so lonely and sad all the time. When my kids are home I put a smile on my face and pretend like everything is alright but inside I am dieing. My heart hurts like the wound is fresh. I can't stand that I feel this way and it hurts even more thinking that he has replaced me so easily. When will this end or will it ever end? I don' want to feel this way anymore and I don't know how to stop it. I feel like I am falling and there is nothing to grab onto. I need help so very badly and I don't know where to turn. No one knows how I feel, and no one understands it. I am constantly hearing comments from people that he was scum and I should be happy but that doesn't help, it only makes it worse because I still love him with all of my heart. Know your'e not alone with all that you're feeling. I am sad everyday and cry most days. I knew immediately I needed help. I've been seeing a therapist once a week for this entire time and I am also on meds. I couldn't survive a day without all that. There are many days lately that I wish I did'nt have to live in this life with all the pain. I am not suicidal becuase I have a son that needs me. And I don't want to be hospitalized so just getting through one day at a time is all I can do. I don't want to feel this way anymore either but I just know that I will until I either get him back or meet someone better. Only time will tell. I also feel nobody understands. I feel sad becuase of it which only makes me sit in my own pitty pot and feel sorry for myself. I also feel I'm worse/different than everybody else becuase people don't understand why I would want him back and why I am still feeling this bad, after all it's been over 6 months. Sorry you're going through this pain as well... Just keep posting here when you're feeling so down.
feelingfine Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Horrible is how you (we) feel for too long! It has been almost a year since separation for me and he too had/has someone else. That just adds to the pain. Being replaced so quickley. Though I am better than I was 6 months ago, it is still very hard. Therapy is a good thing yes.
nobmagnet Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 :love:hello, What a question. An awful lot depends on you as an individual and the reason it went wrong. Its like when somebody dies you go through a similar process of greving and everybody reacts differently. Firstly do not feel alone and secondly you need to allow yourself time. Read books, get help, talk, we need to be proactive in our own recovery. Rediscover lost and forgotten hobbies and be kind to yourself. Eat well. (thats very important and try not to over indulge in the booze) (im guilty of that and it makes it worse) My ex left in september after i discovered his affaire but he had left before in feb the same year. so in effect I have been going thro this for14 months. The marriage was poo for 4 years before that but I was so weaked by his constant put downs to confront him. So i am one of the lucky ones. My life has improved since he left for good and for that I am grateful. But it has taken a long time to get here and I am by no means over it. The place we all aspire to be is indifferent to them. One day we will all get there and have a party to celebrate. Cut yourself some slack honey because you are indeed allowed to still feel like this after what ever time. :love: Keep posting Nobby xx
mimidarlin Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Seraph, Even if he was a jerk and the marriage was "poo" for awhile before he left you are grieving. You are grieving for what you thought you had...for what you wanted in the future...and for what you thought was fixable. Was it really fixable? This depends on the couple. I thought the problems in my marriage were fixable as well but both of you have to want to fix them. So take responsibility for what you did wrong but let go of what you can't control. Try to find a little bit to be happy about each day. Don't be so hard on yourself. Most of us understand some of the pain your feeling. People around you are telling you he isn't worth this pain. Even if you agree with them on some level the pain won't go away that easily. I've tried to embrace the pain but not let it take me over. We have to move through it in order to leave it behind us eventually. Take care.
You Go Girl Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 Perhaps some people need to stop hoping that the estranged spouse or ex will come back. Hope keeps you in a place where you don't move on, but cling to something that may never be again. When a person dies, we have to let go. We know there is no hope of them coming back. I'm not saying we don't go through pain and suffering over their loss. But we fully realize that they are gone. I suggest stop hoping that things will work out. Live as if they won't. You have nothing to lose by doing that--should they return. Kind of like I feel about heaven. I'm not sure it exists, so I don't plan on it. If it does--I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I won't be let down if it doesn't.
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