Anela Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I think in this one instance, it's you guys who are missing the point. If a woman isn't into casual sex, it's not because she doesn't seriously still want sex, it's because the thought of having her body used by a stranger is repulsive to her. For many women taking someone into your body is a big deal. She still gets painfully lonely and misses sexual contact, and she spends her time trying to find someone to have a relationship with her (and be sexual with them) which might be really hard for her and take a long time because that's not most guys' objective. Having sex with strangers isn't really an option for that kind of woman because psychologically it is NOT easy for her even if that's what guys want from her. In that way you guys might be luckier than she is, because you CAN get your itches scratched physically, and she just can't get hers scratched that easily. I'm not sure why some of you guys think the ability to get used for sex is a prize that makes dating easier for women who aren't into casual sex, it really doesn't compute that way. Still, kind of off-topic, right? The OP didn't ask guys who use hookers to explain why they think it balances out society or whatever. It may be off-topic, but this is the way I feel.
2sure Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 If the guy feels comfortable paying women for sex , for the most part I dont have an issue with it. But THIS guy is comfortable paying women for sex in various countries..and quite often in certain countries that entertain foreigners - the sex workers are minors. HUGE Red flag there. But anyway....if he feels there really is nothing wrong with his behavior or morals...just as a test I would: Tell him that I was previously a paid escort, but would not do that if I were in a serious relationship...and and what does he think about that? His answer will tell you his true thoughts, preferences, and inclinations regarding women and sex.
Anela Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 I'm working on it XD I take control of my life, so when there is something I don't like (feeling unwanted by the opposite sex) I decide whats causing it (acne, glasses, weight problems) and take action (cream, contacts, lose weight). First two were easy, last one is going to take a couple more months but I'm pretty posotive about it since I know its just a matter of time. Good luck. You have a better attitude than I do, at the moment. I'm trying to let go of someone, and just don't feel enthusiastic about meeting anyone new... this is the loneliest I've ever felt. Bah.
Rorschach Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Good luck. You have a better attitude than I do, at the moment. I'm trying to let go of someone, and just don't feel enthusiastic about meeting anyone new... this is the loneliest I've ever felt. Bah. Being a cancer survivor does that, I'd say in a given year I probably only have 2-3 days where I'm in a really bad mood. Course one of those days made me find this site which has probably helped more than anything else just by talking about it and hearing what other people think. Cancer was terrible to go through physically, but mentally it's the pressure that turns coal to diamonds. Would reccomend to anyone Good luck at turning your mood around, remember this motto I live by. Nobody can make you happy or sad except you.
deux ex machina Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 My sister met a guy online who told her that he had many times paid for sex with hookers in various countries and he also likes to go to strip clubs. However, he wouldn't do that if/when he was in a serious relationship. Said he wanted to come clean before meeting my sister in person. My sister asks: should she or shouldn't she?... No. ----------
Author ingridh Posted April 14, 2010 Author Posted April 14, 2010 No. And that is also my sister's final answer. Whew! Again, thanks to everyone for responding and helping out. I have learned a thing or two from all the off or on topic discussion above. I can't say this guy didn't pique my interest a bit, that I wouldn't mind to meet with him in person to find out what and who he really is (I am 45, have been around the block a few times and usually a good judge of character.) Maybe he is a rich playboy. When I travel to different countries, I like to taste the local food. Maybe he likes to experience the local girls. Maybe he is writing a book on hookers/brothels/strip clubs around the world. NO I definitely wouldn't want to date his kind, but I think he could be an interesting conversationalist/friend. Imagine the stories he can tell!
PrettyinInk Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 How is a woman sleeping with a "liek rly hot guy" from the bar any different? The majority of women of my generation have had a one night stand at some point, should we men judge them as undateable too? It's not that different from using a prostitute, if anything the prostitute is safer. considering how many posts i have seen here reguarding the number of sexual partners a woman has and whether or not she is "dateable" i would say men already make this judgement.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 Thumbs-up, Jersey Shortie. I was thinking the same things... Thanks Anela. And I tried doing the causual thing. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a long time, I found some causual sex. I ended up liking the guy, he didn't feel the same way and I ended up feeling awful. If he had rejected right off the base at least I would have been like "oh well, wasn't meant to be". But because of the sex and intimacy, being rejected for not being taken seriously for a relationship hurt alot more.
linwood Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 As in not having the confidence or skills to work with real women you don't have to pay? One way or another you ALWAYS pay for it escort or not. Sometimes it seemed like it would be much less painful to simply pay up front in cash rather than wait for the tab at the end. Escorts would be a viable solution for me if I were to lose my wife for any reason.
Twenty-ten Posted April 14, 2010 Posted April 14, 2010 but I think he could be an interesting conversationalist/friend. Imagine the stories he can tell! Oh for sure!! I would like to sit with this guy and listen to his stories it would be a total trip. But to become romantically intertwined with someone like him, not a hope!
dazzle22 Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 One way or another you ALWAYS pay for it escort or not. Sometimes it seemed like it would be much less painful to simply pay up front in cash rather than wait for the tab at the end. Escorts would be a viable solution for me if I were to lose my wife for any reason. Some people are able to pull this off because they can more easily separate sex and love. More men than women I think, but some women can do this too. I would feel empty and pathetic if I did this.
ascendotum Posted April 15, 2010 Posted April 15, 2010 Mutant Debutante’s post explaining her mindset towards sex very much helps explain the differences in mens and womens attitude towards using hookers. Many women view sex as a huge physiological deal and place great reverence on the act. When a relationship doesnt work out the way they want, then all the great times they shared together are now less meaningful and that it was a one way relationship that he got what he wanted (sex) and I got heartache. If they have a ONS, a FWB situation or a short relationship they will feel they are being used. I am not saying it is wrong for some woman to feel like that, but it just that majority of guys think so much differently when it comes to sex. No guy I know thinks hes been used when it comes to sex or that the girl concerned made a great sacrifice in jumping into bed with him. I have generally found foreign/non religious/older women have a more relaxed and fun attitude towards sex. That sex is not exclusively a reverential bonding experience. Wanting to have sex without an emotional connection is really easy for a guy, and also for many women, if the man's good looking. Casual sex and casual hook-ups are happening by the tens of thousands every day. I agree with warlord999, there is not that much difference between a girl who sleeps with a hunky guy on the first night/date because they are hot and want to have them on top of them and a guy who visits a brothel and chooses a pretty girl and wants to have her underneath him. I know a number of guys who have bedded many women, and in many occasions they say without a condom. I have no doubt that many of the women here if they met these guys, and they are good looking, could be charmed out of their pants by them and the thought of STDs or that he had had one night stands (ewww..sex without commitment) would not provide significant resistance to sleeping with them. Yet if a guy admits to sleeping with a hooker, there is this 'OMG who knows what diseases he has' reaction by women. STDs are at pretty high rates out there and its not just hookers and johns. When it comes to prostitutes, I think many women have this vision of street walkers hanging out in dingy alleys like in Dickens time or crack whores working from rooms by the hour hotels in slum town. Of course it depends in what part of the world you live in but many brothels are like gentleman’s clubs. Sex is always with a condom and the girls have medical checkups monthly. Its not like a pick up in a night club when you are drunk, is 180degrees from this when it comes to STD risk even allowing for the fact that the hooker has had sex with 100s of men. Reading a recent article on sex workers, finds many of the women working in the business are students clearing Uni debts + wanting better than student lifestyle, single mothers and many women doing it to buy a house or nice car. Some men will one day settle down with these women and will have no idea of their past and like wise many women with the guys that visited them. On posts about female promiscuity a number of women will say the past is the past and many 'easy' or 'freaky' women are now great GFs, wifes & mothers. Thats true. Well I'd say the majority of guys that use hookers are not into golden showers, gimp masks, racks & whips. Not all think that wanting to pay a willing pretty girl to sleep with him is debasing her body and will have a misogynistic attitude to future loving girlfriends. Not getting sex is not exactly enhancing the character or attitude towards women of some of the men on this forum. Sex even at the psychological level is a very big deal for guys. Going 2+ yrs (like JS) without touching the soft curves of a female because they cannot find that special one ..and who more importantly feels the exact same way towards them, is just not on for many men. Some men (Charlie sheen types) are happy to take ‘the easy way of being intimate with women’ but many guys don’t see virtue/empowerment in doing it hard with long periods of celibacy.
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