Blind Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 This happened earlier this year, but my then-boyfriend and I were on vacation and had a very heated argument one evening. I asked to leave, but before I could, he took all of my things and locked me out leaving me broke and homeless. I was shocked! I begged and pleaded but he sent me messages to leave him alone and wouldn't pick up my calls. I asked to at least give me my things or my money so I can stay somewhere. Instead he followed up with emotionally torturing messages - he wanted me to suffer for wanting to leave him. Since I had absolutely nothing and left with nowhere to go, I had the sheriffs come in and help with no success. They then took me to a homeless shelter for the night knowing the situation I was in. The next day I went back to get my things and as soon as my boyfriend opened the door he immediately physically and verbally assaulted me. Honestly, I was too stunned and disoriented that I just wanted to grab my flight ticket and passport and get the hell out of there. I hadn't processed what I had just gone through the night before. The sheriffs were involved many more times, but really they were not as helpful as they could have been since boyfriend wasn't cooperating. Did I forget to mention it was I who flew all the way to see him? I did what everyone told me and that was to send him to court. Two months later, I won. And yes, I flew back there again in order to make this happen. Now all I want is to get my things back. I know why he held them in the first place was to have me crawl back. He wanted to see that. Our past breakups were always him doing the extremes to keep me around, even one time physically holding me down. I shamefully stayed, but I'm not willing to do so anymore because I want to move on and have nothing to do with this bastard. But the things he has of me are the things important in order for me to go forward. He was very strategic because he did leave my clothes at a nearby fast food restaurant for me to pick up later that night (humiliating), but completely left out the things I needed such as money, identification, charger, laptop, etc.,. If these were just clothes, I wouldn't care and let him have them. But he knew the things he kept were important to me and that I would come after for them. Can anyone please help me? How can I make this jerk return my things? His mom is completely blind (and in my opinion, the prime enabler) and won't help at all. I just want to move forward. I can't even work because he has all of my work (I'm an artist). I feel like I can't win either way.
Ronni_W Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Blind. Your story touches my heart. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic ordeal. To me, your ex is the poster child for an "ugly person". I get that your (old) portfolio represents aspects of you; of who you were at one time. But I'm going to disagree with you that you "can't even work" -- in reality, he does NOT have possession of your passion, inspiration and creativity. In fact, he does not have any of the things, the 'essence' that really, truly makes you unique, special and important. You totally have the power to prove to him and the world -- and to yourself most importantly -- that you CAN and WILL "rise from the ashes", so to speak. Be the mythological Phoenix, why not? You say that you won your court case against him, and I assume part of that was for him to return to you all of your belongings(?) If that's the case, perhaps you'll need a lawyer's help with enforcing the judgment? In any case, except for your portfolio, everything else is replaceable. It may require money that you don't currently have, but it is replaceable nonetheless. And you will produce a "better-than-ever" portfolio, yes? I think, really. Your choice is to keep yourself chained to your memory and the 'energy' of the stuff that he kept -- and let him win; or you can choose to liberate yourself by working towards letting it all go. (Basically, to stop wanting to have it all back.) At the moment, it's kind of like you are a prisoner to the experience and the stuff...and you also do have the keys to unlock your jail cell. You CAN win! I'm rooting for you to win -- because I'm for sure not going to root for him! It will take determination, commitment and work...but you totally CAN empower yourself to be the victor, yes? Hugs, and best of luck.
scatterd Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 What a jerk take him back to court you dont need an attorney let the judge know he did not return all of your belongings He will ddemand him to follow through if he does not do it again the judge will get sick of him.Be careful lots of jerks in the world this happened to my daughter also.His parents probably dont care.Good luck!
Author Blind Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Blind. Your story touches my heart. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic ordeal. To me, your ex is the poster child for an "ugly person". I get that your (old) portfolio represents aspects of you; of who you were at one time. But I'm going to disagree with you that you "can't even work" -- in reality, he does NOT have possession of your passion, inspiration and creativity. In fact, he does not have any of the things, the 'essence' that really, truly makes you unique, special and important. You totally have the power to prove to him and the world -- and to yourself most importantly -- that you CAN and WILL "rise from the ashes", so to speak. Be the mythological Phoenix, why not? You say that you won your court case against him, and I assume part of that was for him to return to you all of your belongings(?) If that's the case, perhaps you'll need a lawyer's help with enforcing the judgment? In any case, except for your portfolio, everything else is replaceable. It may require money that you don't currently have, but it is replaceable nonetheless. And you will produce a "better-than-ever" portfolio, yes? I think, really. Your choice is to keep yourself chained to your memory and the 'energy' of the stuff that he kept -- and let him win; or you can choose to liberate yourself by working towards letting it all go. (Basically, to stop wanting to have it all back.) At the moment, it's kind of like you are a prisoner to the experience and the stuff...and you also do have the keys to unlock your jail cell. You CAN win! I'm rooting for you to win -- because I'm for sure not going to root for him! It will take determination, commitment and work...but you totally CAN empower yourself to be the victor, yes? Hugs, and best of luck. Ronni-W - Thank you so much for the advice. Truly inspiring! You are right: he may hold my things but not my passion. I have stopped asking for my things a while back, but the truth is I still do want them. I've worked so hard to get hold of the possessions in the first place (almost $2,000) and not having them has really screwed me up career-wise. For instance, a lot of the work I was still in the process of finishing for clients are still with him. It's like he's killing my career at the same time. And my career was right there at the top of the list with him while we were together. Some of the things are replaceable, but I honestly do not have the funds to cover them. He is really psycho and I'm frightened to even see him in person again. There were signs of him wanting to return them before the court date, but there would always be an "if we see each other" hint and I don't want to give him that. By the way, in court, he lied throughout the whole thing. He denied our relationship and that he never had any of my things. He made me out to be a crazy person. I was sooo humiliated, but that's what a jerk does. He is an attractive person, but boy is he ugly on the inside. I'm worried for his next one.
Author Blind Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 What a jerk take him back to court you dont need an attorney let the judge know he did not return all of your belongings He will ddemand him to follow through if he does not do it again the judge will get sick of him.Be careful lots of jerks in the world this happened to my daughter also.His parents probably dont care.Good luck! Thanks so much for the advice, scatterd. Because I live out of state I don't think I'd want to head out there again for court. My other option would be garnish his wages, but then at the cost of losing all of my work. I can't do this until the enforcement is over (30 days). But like Ronni_W said, I have the power to start new work that's "better than ever". I can't be emotionally attached to my things. I have learned so much from this jerk. Gave him so many chances but in the end I was the one who was screwed up. I wonder how he sleeps at night.
Ronni_W Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I have learned so much from this jerk. THERE you go!!! :bunny: Be grateful for 'lessons learned', and transform the crappy parts into inspiration for your happy and successful life. (By which I mean, express gratitude to the Universe...for the lessons...NOT for the jerk himself! ) It's like he's killing my career at the same time.Nah, he can't do that even if you've been holding a belief that he could. You're the ONLY one, have always been the only one, with any real power and control to kill...or to build your career. Don't tell yourself anything different cos that would be self-deceptive and self-defeating (or maybe those are one and the same?) I wonder how he sleeps at night.I hope very badly! (But I wouldn't expend a single iota more mental and emotional energy wondering about it. That's a fersure.)
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