DramaQueen Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I have come to a stage where I dont even know why I am still in it. Can we love and hate that same person at the same time? This is what is bugging me. I know I love him deeply but whenever we fight and it is mostly because of his nasty behaviour, having his cake and eat it too and leaving me breadcrumbs. In the earlier years, I endured it all, having heard all his loving phone conversations and lies with the W about his whereabouts when I was beside him (but he will never pick up my calls when he is at home). I understood and never had any ill-feelings towards him, i was ever so understanding and patient towards him then. Now I am beginning to feel differently, I am beginning to loathe him so much and regret ever knowing him whenever we fight. Whenever she calls, I get so sick of hearing him lie so sweetly to the W. This is so strange, one minute I am back to normal when he is good with me but the next when he's back to his mean acts of ignoring me like I never existed, I get so upset that I wished I could "give back" all the hurt that he has caused me. I know the only way to do that is to tell all to his W just for her to realise that her H is a bunch of lies! But I know I shouldnt do it because I sincerely dont want to hurt her. Then again, when she texted me to ask me if I was seeing her H, I was polite and apologized to her for causing her pain but told her the truth that i was still seeing him. (I did that because I was tired of hiding and being understanding towards MM because he never fulfilled all his promises to me). I just wanted it out in the open and get it over with. I thought if this is it (the end), so be it and i will move on. She sent me many threatening texts after that calling me many dirty names. I know I deserved it but she seems to think that she and H are perfectly faultless and it was ALL my fault. I regretted responding to her. Despite all that, I still feel sorry for her and I dont want to hurt her. But i can't stand the hurt that MM has caused me. I know I should end it all and I know I am reaching that limit soon but I am just wondering if my love for MM has ended or is no longer what it used to be just because I have such feelings of wanting to hurt back? How can we love and hate the same person at the same time? Please, I am not looking for bashing from anyone but just your honest feelings if you had felt the same, whether it was a turning point for you to realise something then and what you did to overcome it. Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.
bentnotbroken Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 How is she at fault?:confused:This statement confuses me. And as far as the way he treats you, we get what we allow. You know the who and what he is. You know the disrespect he gave his wife( and I would suspect all women in his life to a degree), why are you so angry with him? Why not the woman in the mirror. We all have to take responsibility for our choices and the maintenance of those choices. He can't treat you anyway at all if he isn't in your life.
pureinheart Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I have come to a stage where I dont even know why I am still in it. Can we love and hate that same person at the same time? This is what is bugging me. I know I love him deeply but whenever we fight and it is mostly because of his nasty behaviour, having his cake and eat it too and leaving me breadcrumbs. In the earlier years, I endured it all, having heard all his loving phone conversations and lies with the W about his whereabouts when I was beside him (but he will never pick up my calls when he is at home). I understood and never had any ill-feelings towards him, i was ever so understanding and patient towards him then. Now I am beginning to feel differently, I am beginning to loathe him so much and regret ever knowing him whenever we fight. Whenever she calls, I get so sick of hearing him lie so sweetly to the W. This is so strange, one minute I am back to normal when he is good with me but the next when he's back to his mean acts of ignoring me like I never existed, I get so upset that I wished I could "give back" all the hurt that he has caused me. I know the only way to do that is to tell all to his W just for her to realise that her H is a bunch of lies! But I know I shouldnt do it because I sincerely dont want to hurt her. Then again, when she texted me to ask me if I was seeing her H, I was polite and apologized to her for causing her pain but told her the truth that i was still seeing him. (I did that because I was tired of hiding and being understanding towards MM because he never fulfilled all his promises to me). I just wanted it out in the open and get it over with. I thought if this is it (the end), so be it and i will move on. She sent me many threatening texts after that calling me many dirty names. I know I deserved it but she seems to think that she and H are perfectly faultless and it was ALL my fault. I regretted responding to her. Despite all that, I still feel sorry for her and I dont want to hurt her. But i can't stand the hurt that MM has caused me. I know I should end it all and I know I am reaching that limit soon but I am just wondering if my love for MM has ended or is no longer what it used to be just because I have such feelings of wanting to hurt back? How can we love and hate the same person at the same time? Please, I am not looking for bashing from anyone but just your honest feelings if you had felt the same, whether it was a turning point for you to realise something then and what you did to overcome it. Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer. This is a very common thing actually (1st bold). Due to the fact (2nd bold) that his W knows the "truth" and is still with him speaks volumns. This could be a game with the two of them and you stay caught in the middle. She sees "you" as the problem, when it could be the two of them. You hate what's going on, but love him...ya it's real easy to love and hate at the same time. I'm not sure what to say because every sitch is different with it's own dynamics, although DQ, I wish you the very best...if it's him, then I hope he lines up!
Ella whispers Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 This makes me think about the saying "You have never been in love if you haven't contimplated murder." Not that anyone wants to kill anyone, I have seen that there is a fine line.
Author DramaQueen Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 How is she at fault?:confused:This statement confuses me. And as far as the way he treats you, we get what we allow. You know the who and what he is. You know the disrespect he gave his wife( and I would suspect all women in his life to a degree), why are you so angry with him? Why not the woman in the mirror. We all have to take responsibility for our choices and the maintenance of those choices. He can't treat you anyway at all if he isn't in your life. I am angry with him because he deceived me that there was no more love between them, that she was too engrossed with her work and household to have any time for him, that she only needed him for financial reasons, lying to me about making plans for the future, saying he has never felt so sure about me, all that crap... I feel sorry for the W although i cant help feeling that had she taken better care of him, had she been more attentive and a loving wife, had she done something about her own appearance instead of allowing herself to be so overweight perhaps he neednt look elsewhere or feel trapped in the marriage. i am not defending myself but i know it is so easy to solely blame it on the OW. Yes i am also very angry at myself for being so naive and stupid but at least i see now what he really is today than still hoping for a fairy tale ending. I feel more anger than hurt nowadays and i think it is a good sign for me to let go. In the past, i was too weak to even dare to think of a life without him.
jennie-jennie Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I had a hate-love relationship with my exSO. He did not fulfill my needs, he was abusive, but I still loved him. I don't feel that with my MM. He is always there for me. He is very consistent. There was only one way to solve the problems with my exSO, to end the relationship and find a better match for me.
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