entityzero Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hello everyone, I posted here a year or more ago and everyone was very caring and helpful and i am eternally grateful for that. Long story short, i was with my ex for 2 years, and she ended up leaving me for someone who i thought was a good friend, but obviously not. At the end she was cold, distant and had a slew of emotional baggage from the very start, but regardless, i loved her alot and gave her everything i had to show her she was worthy. Alas, to no avail. So why am i here again after so long? I've been with other girls since, nothing serious, but i know i have alot to offer and eventually i'll be happy. The thing is, she was very, very attractive in my humble opinion, and i used to be so proud that i had such a beautiful girl on my arm. Im over pretty much everything except the jealousy. The jealousy that my "mate" stole her from me, and now gets to enjoy her sexually.. I did put a little too much emphasis on the physical side of the relationship coz i couldnt believe id hit gold in that respect. So after all this time, I still have dreams where im having sex with her and re-living how happy i was to be with her. I live with the burden of those two being together, and every gorgeous girl i see reminds me of her. Id like to think im not that shallow but what the hell? Why do i still obsess over her body and the jealousy i feel of losing her to him?? Am i mental? I know all the bad things about her, and what she put me through, yet not a day has passed where i dont pine to just ogle and enjoy her sexually. I sometimes feel if i dont find a "replacement" for her physically, i'll always be comparing other girls to her. I know thats wrong, its not really me.. but its uncontrollable and rather worrying. Just needed to vent.. if anyone has any advice at all I will be indebted to you. Thankyou.
This Hurts Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 This is a confusing one. Maybe you ARE over her, but your ego is just hurt by what your friend did. So maybe you don't need to move on from how SHE hurt you (since you already did), but you need to move on from how HE hurt you, y'know? This might be a little too much, but maybe get counseling? I'm not saying what you're going through is severely abnormal or anything; it's just confusing to me and maybe a professional will have an easier time figuring it out and helping you with it. Honestly, I think it's either you need to let go what HE did to you, or you're just still not over HER.
skydiveaddict Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hello everyone, I posted here a year or more ago and everyone was very caring and helpful and i am eternally grateful for that. Long story short, i was with my ex for 2 years, and she ended up leaving me for someone who i thought was a good friend, but obviously not. At the end she was cold, distant and had a slew of emotional baggage from the very start, but regardless, i loved her alot and gave her everything i had to show her she was worthy. Alas, to no avail. So why am i here again after so long? I've been with other girls since, nothing serious, but i know i have alot to offer and eventually i'll be happy. The thing is, she was very, very attractive in my humble opinion, and i used to be so proud that i had such a beautiful girl on my arm. Im over pretty much everything except the jealousy. The jealousy that my "mate" stole her from me, and now gets to enjoy her sexually.. I did put a little too much emphasis on the physical side of the relationship coz i couldnt believe id hit gold in that respect. So after all this time, I still have dreams where im having sex with her and re-living how happy i was to be with her. I live with the burden of those two being together, and every gorgeous girl i see reminds me of her. Id like to think im not that shallow but what the hell? Why do i still obsess over her body and the jealousy i feel of losing her to him?? Am i mental? I know all the bad things about her, and what she put me through, yet not a day has passed where i dont pine to just ogle and enjoy her sexually. I sometimes feel if i dont find a "replacement" for her physically, i'll always be comparing other girls to her. I know thats wrong, its not really me.. but its uncontrollable and rather worrying. Just needed to vent.. if anyone has any advice at all I will be indebted to you. Thankyou. Depending on how "obsessive" these thoughts are , you may need to seek help. Therapy and drugs can probably really help you. Obsession can really drag you down. I know, I've been there.
Toki Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Relationships can be like any other addiction. As it turns out I've battled with some alcoholism, and it's really the same side of the same coin.. The need for validation, affection, and sexual contact is just as addicting as any drug (and depending just as poisonous), and even when you tell yourself you need to get off of it for good, it's easy to fall off the wagon and to go right back to where you started. The problem is, is that once the relationship is done for good you don't get to indulge in your obsession, so you think about it. What you could've done differently, how things would have turned out if I did this or that (or what you vile, nasty things you want to do with your ex friend). So you really have to see your ex as an addiction you want to get rid of, and get yourself some help. I'm not going to say meds or therapy are the answer, but if you were an alcoholic, do you think it helps to hang out in a pub? Pretty much the same thing as dwelling on an ex relationship. I've also found out, how amazing it is when you get to indulge the addiction with someone else, or new, like changing brands of cigarettes. . Time to get on with life, mate, stop wondering what could have been, and starting focusing on what the future has left to hold. The answers might surprise you.
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