JustToBeMe Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hello friends - My husband of 3 years abandoned me one week ago. He hasn't called or texted me; and he won't respond to my calls or texts either. We live apart because we are both in the military and he recently moved out of his apartment and started using a prepaid cell phone while I was away on mission. I am home now but do not know where he lives and like I said, he will not answer my calls/texts. We were fine and happy before all of this and I have no idea why he left. He was spending so much money on the credit card that I had to cancel it; leaving me with A TON of debt now. I want to get a lawyer and be done with this, but I'm emotionally still holding onto him. I know I'm wrong and I need to get over him, but I have no idea how I am going to do that. I sit around waiting for him to call or text me and I'm miserable. I am so lost. Can someone give me some insight? Thank you in advance.
Cinnamon2000 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hello friends - My husband of 3 years abandoned me one week ago. He hasn't called or texted me; and he won't respond to my calls or texts either. We live apart because we are both in the military and he recently moved out of his apartment and started using a prepaid cell phone while I was away on mission. I am home now but do not know where he lives and like I said, he will not answer my calls/texts. We were fine and happy before all of this and I have no idea why he left. He was spending so much money on the credit card that I had to cancel it; leaving me with A TON of debt now. I want to get a lawyer and be done with this, but I'm emotionally still holding onto him. I know I'm wrong and I need to get over him, but I have no idea how I am going to do that. I sit around waiting for him to call or text me and I'm miserable. I am so lost. Can someone give me some insight? Thank you in advance. How well did you know him before you married him? It seems to me that you rushed into marriage with a guy who's not marriage material. You need to take marriage serious by marrying a serious guy.
Author JustToBeMe Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 I knew him 2 years before we were married. I don't feel I rushed into anything. Its nice to see that I'm being blamed for his abandonment of me. Thanks a lot.
desertmoon Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 So you have not gone to his command? or called his first sergeant? Maybe your husband has acquired a new hobby or "habit", thus the huge debt. You should check what your husband used the credit card for.
Author JustToBeMe Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 He has just been going out with the guys to pubs and bars. The rest was cash withdrawls. I'm not worried about why he left right now, I guess I am just trying to cope with him being gone and losing my bestfriend/spouse.
skywriter Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I know I'm wrong and I need to get over him, but I have no idea how I am going to do that. I sit around waiting for him to call or text me and I'm miserable. I am so lost. Can someone give me some insight? Thank you in advance. Hi JustToBe Me, I have to disagree with this statement you made about yourself being wrong. In my opinion, you loved this person, put faith and trust in him as his wife. You'll have to got through the pain of him not living up to his end of the marital agreement. I've been abandoned twice in my life and when someone walks out on you that way, without explanation it can be a very slow healing process. So I say, cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to go through the stages, whatever they may be. Just don't take it to extremes, and be rational, and realistic, if you know what I mean. I am prior military as well, so I imagine you are a rational strong individual. You're still human and this man sounds like he's got some maturing to do. He also sounds like he's punishing you for standing up to him for being irresponsible with the finances. I would say , if I can give you any advice. Don't go jumping into any other relationships, with the idea that this is the way to get over your H. You'll just make things worse. Nothing heals better than time. Stay strong, and stay busy.
scatterd Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Can you get a hold of his sargent on base and ask him someone knows his where abouts.If that does not work I am not sure do you think hes awol my x and his friend tried that a couple of times.Good luck.
scatterd Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Hey also try not to jump the gun.he will get a hold of you hes being childish have you talked to his parents ask them?My dad was a E9 just because these guys are in the service does not mean they dont try to have fun alot of times its with their buddies.He will call hang on Its hard when you both are so far Hang in there.
Manchester Man Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Not to blame you, but you can see now you seriously missed something in his character. I've seen this in my life, but as I look back realize there were red flags. My red flags turned into red bombs after marriage and especially after kids came-minor cracks became major holes under stress. Can you see any red flags as you look back? Sounds like understanding how you fell into this could help you avoid it in the future. Unfortunately you never know til you're in something, but heeding warning signs can help alert you to use caution. 'slippery road ahead'
mimidarlin Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 If he isn't contacting you or responding then find a lawyer fast. Any debt he accrues while married to you could be split between you. If you start your legal proceeding soon then you can protect yourself. (course this depends on the legal system) Right now he has it cushy because you are paying off the debt. It would scare me to think that he might have other cards and more debt. Stop a moment and try to be rational when it comes to the finances. Don't let your emotions drag you down a road that could lead to bankruptcy. Think of it like a business partnership and suddenly your partner is having shady business dealings. A lawyer may be able to help you get a credit check run on him so you can see if he has any other debt. Run one on yourself as well to make sure he didn't get cards in your name.
Owl Posted April 12, 2010 Posted April 12, 2010 I would agree with the advice you've been given...you need to contact his chain of command and get them involved to sort out where he's at and what's going on.
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