Peitho Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I had a conversation with my colleagues and one guy was bragging how good his marriage was and how much he loved his wife. He claimed, he loved her more than 20 years ago when they got married. But he added: 'I like a pretty girl as much as the next guy' WTH? Can someone explain to me why he would say something like that? In that context? What does it have to do with his marriage? To me, it’s the same as saying: 'My wife is not as good as all those pretty girls, but I like being married.'
D-Lish Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 But he added: 'I like a pretty girl as much as the next guy' WTH? Can someone explain to me why he would say something like that? In that context? What does it have to do with his marriage? To me, it’s the same as saying: 'My wife is not as good as all those pretty girls, but I like being married.' I think he was saying he appreciates attractive women- plain and simple. Tantamount to saying "I'm married, but I'm not dead". He loves his wife, loves being married, but still likes to look at pretty women... Sounds normal to me.
Manchester Man Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Me too. Normal appetite. I heard one wife say, you can get your appetite anywhere you want- but always eat at home.
stillafool Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I had a conversation with my colleagues and one guy was bragging how good his marriage was and how much he loved his wife. He claimed, he loved her more than 20 years ago when they got married. But he added: 'I like a pretty girl as much as the next guy' WTH? Can someone explain to me why he would say something like that? In that context? What does it have to do with his marriage? To me, it’s the same as saying: 'My wife is not as good as all those pretty girls, but I like being married.' Well 20 years ago his wife may have been a girl and he may be saying it like he likes a younger woman like the next guy but he wouldn't jeopardize losing his wife? Or, he could look at all women as girls and could have just been referring to another woman. Who knows?
xxoo Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I heard one wife say, you can get your appetite anywhere you want- but always eat at home. Ha! The world is certainly full of sweets.... I agree that his attitude is normal. Appreciating pretty girls (hopefully he means women) doesn't subtract from his love for his pretty wife. It may be more meaningful that he felt compelled to add that. Is it possible he felt judged for being happily monogamous? Thought he might be seen as "whipped"?
ADF Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 You're completely misinterpreting him. The woman you love the most in the world is not always the one you think is best looking. The two are totally seperate things. All he means is that while he loves his wofe to death, he recognizes beauty in other women as well. That is perfectly normal.
Author Peitho Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 It may be more meaningful that he felt compelled to add that. Yes, that was my point. So you all think it's normal? I don’t know, if my H said something like that I would feel uncomfortable... But then, I was never able to understand 'get your appetite anywhere you want' theory
Author Peitho Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 You're completely misinterpreting him. The woman you love the most in the world is not always the one you think is best looking. The two are totally seperate things. All he means is that while he loves his wofe to death, he recognizes beauty in other women as well. That is perfectly normal. You are probably right. But if that's the case, why would you bring up the looks and the pretty girls in a conversation like that?
D-Lish Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I don't understand why you would think this was weird. It's normal banter.
xxoo Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 But if that's the case, why would you bring up the looks and the pretty girls in a conversation like that? I just wonder if, in his 20 yr married male mind, he thought his sweet sentiments about his wife made him sound sort of emasculated or something. Maybe he just felt like he needed to add some qualification that he's still a red-blooded man, or something like that.
troggleputty Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I just wonder if, in his 20 yr married male mind, he thought his sweet sentiments about his wife made him sound sort of emasculated or something. Maybe he just felt like he needed to add some qualification that he's still a red-blooded man, or something like that. Most likely he said he liked pretty girls because he didn't want OP to mistakenly think he was actually a gay man.
Author Peitho Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 Most likely he said he liked pretty girls because he didn't want OP to mistakenly think he was actually a gay man. This I don’t understand at all. Why would anyone think that a guy who loves his wife is gay?
taiko Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I just wonder if, in his 20 yr married male mind, he thought his sweet sentiments about his wife made him sound sort of emasculated or something. Maybe he just felt like he needed to add some qualification that he's still a red-blooded man, or something like that. Or he knows occasionally his eyes will stray towards that other women and the statement is a preemptive strike against charges of hypocrisy
shadowofman Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 He said it because it was how he feels. If the way this man feels is strange to you, and a majority of people agree that this is normal thought process for a "not dead", manly man; then consider the fact that your male expectations are way off base. Monogamy is something that many men have to come to terms with in order to have a meaningful and loving relationship with an empowered woman. It is a sacrifice and often a very difficult one. Can't blame someone for expressing this in a healthy way such as this man did.
Author Peitho Posted April 11, 2010 Author Posted April 11, 2010 He said it because it was how he feels. If the way this man feels is strange to you, and a majority of people agree that this is normal thought process for a "not dead", manly man; then consider the fact that your male expectations are way off base. Monogamy is something that many men have to come to terms with in order to have a meaningful and loving relationship with an empowered woman. It is a sacrifice and often a very difficult one. Can't blame someone for expressing this in a healthy way such as this man did. Obviously I am the only one who finds this strange, so my expectations may be off the base. But don’t you think that sacrifice is a very strong word? I may be wrong about many things, but I am 100% sure that my husband doesn’t feel like he has to give up other women for me. And that is true for some other men in my circle of friends as well. Those men that you are talking about - why do they get married in the first place, if that is such a big sacrifice? There are many different lifestyles, and most of them are socially acceptable nowadays. Why would you choose one that forces you to sacrifice?
shadowofman Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Those men that you are talking about - why do they get married in the first place, if that is such a big sacrifice? Well, not that I expect you to be able to see the world through the eyes of such a man, but it really is a different perspective. I personally sacrificed my sexual freedom because I value my relationship with my SO more than anything. Love is a much stronger want in my life than promiscuous sex. I have had more sexually satisfying relationships in the past with bisexual women, but I have never loved any woman as much as my current SO. In other words, I am fully within my rights to love one and lust many. Unfortunately may women would think of me a lesser person for being different than them. At least you know I am honest when I express myself. A man that claims to "only have eyes for you" is possibly sparing your feelings. Key word; possibly. There are many different lifestyles, and most of them are socially acceptable nowadays. Why would you choose one that forces you to sacrifice? Because I want this woman. I uncontrollably have intense emotions for this one woman, and in order to have this one woman I have to give up all others. If this was the 18th century, I would own her and could do as I wanted. But alas, this is modern times. To a man like myself, sex is analogous to food. I love beef. I can eat beef with a variety of spices and in a variety of cuts. But beef has given me a choice, because Beef wants to be my only meal. Never eat any other food besides beef and I can eat Beef forever. Partake in another meal besides Beef and lose Beef forever. Not only do I have an unlimited supply of Beef, but I can eat it whenever I want and any way that I want. I also truly enjoy Beef's company, as opposed to Pork and Chicken's. Why wouldn't I marry Beef?
troggleputty Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 This I don’t understand at all. Why would anyone think that a guy who loves his wife is gay? Why would a straight man need to publicly proclaim how much he likes pretty girls?
troggleputty Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Getting married is not about "sacrifice," it's about choice. All of life is a series of choices and decisions. When we choose one path, we foreclose many many others. Failure to choose is still a choice. When a person gets married, they are making a choice (not a "sacrifice") to foreclose relationships with other significant others. However--the making of that choice does NOT mean the basic animal lust or desire for other people isn't still there. So, what the married man is saying is precisely that. He is saying that he doesn't chase after other women, not because he feels no desire, but because he made his choice, and he's sticking with it.
giotto Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 maybe he was referring to his wife? A way of saying she is still a pretty girl (to him) despite the many years together?
angie2443 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Why would a straight man need to publicly proclaim how much he likes pretty girls? This is the part I don't understand. The majority of people like looking at attractive people. Why the need to publicly proclaim it?
xxoo Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 maybe he was referring to his wife? A way of saying she is still a pretty girl (to him) despite the many years together? Giotto wins for the sweetest possible interpretation!
giotto Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Giotto wins for the sweetest possible interpretation! lol... But I fail to see why he should say that otherwise...
xxoo Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 But don’t you think that sacrifice is a very strong word? I don't think acknowledging the sacrifices we make for our choices is a bad thing. I love being a parent, but it is definitely involves a lot of sacrifice. It is worth the sacrifice, because being a parent is so profoundly rewarding. I feel the same about marriage. Committing to one involves sacrifice (sacrifice of all kinds), but it is well worth the sacrifice.
Hazyhead Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 (edited) I think it's perfectly normal. I know many men, among my circle of friends, that are excellent and devoted husbands, BUT, for us to expect that they don't look at other women and, at the least, recognise their looks is unrealistic. Furthermore, I think women do it too... no? Maybe in not quite as lairy a fashion, if that's even the case, but we may see an attractive man and look at one another (sometimes the look is enough for us to know what the others are thinking ). It's human nature, in my opinion, but it does not make us bad partners. BTW, love the beef analogy Edited April 11, 2010 by Hazyhead
Luv2dance Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 maybe he was referring to his wife? A way of saying she is still a pretty girl (to him) despite the many years together? This is the way I interpreted it, but not hearing the whole conversation it is hard to determine what he meant by the comment. If MH didn't notice pretty girls I would think something was wrong with him, he's not blind nor dead. Just like I notice man eye candy also.
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