Ignorant Bliss Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I have been seeing two men but have not made commitments to either one but I feel like I need to go ahead and make some sort of decision. Im a single mother, divorced for over a year now. I cant figure out if the divorce has turned me into a committment-phobe or if I just need to stop seeing both men and be on my own. The first guy is a truck driver and is gone most of the time. He is twice-divorced, older, and has several children. He is easily one of the sweetest men I have ever known and treats me extremely well. We are very compatible and have many common interests, although we have two very different backgrounds. He is willing to commit to me completely, all I have to do is say the word. Our issues are with him being gone all the time and the fact that he is not very financially stable, due in part to the high amount of monthly child support he pays. The second guy is slightly younger than me, never married, no children. Has a good job and owns his own home. Very responsible and mature. But lives 2 hours away! Yes, there is sadly always a catch.. We also have many common interests and are compatible. He treats me like a queen as well. He is ready for a serious relationship and says he would treat my child as his own, that he loves kids. But my issue there is i think it would be a huge change for him to have a child around, as he does like to party and has a lot of friends around all the time. So heres my dilemma.. Do I choose one guy? Do I choose neither and be on my own? I am not a person who has to constantly have their significant other around all the time and yet I do get lonely quite often. Do I focus on eventually finding someone who can be around more? Or would I be losing out on two great men by dumping them both? I can supply more information if needed, I would just like some opinions. Thank you!
haushy14 Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 Unfortunatly, in most relationships finances are very important, and with this guy having other kids AND having to pay child support really makes things harder when you have a child yourself. Expecially since you have your child and he has his, he is less likley to treat your kid as his seeing as he knows how it feels to physically have them himself! And also you have to analyze him from a certian viewpoint, because being married two times and it not working is always something to look at. Not that he's a bad guy, and it could very well be his choice in women, but just make sure you dont have a delusioned (spelling?) view of him. My personal pick is guy # 2 because he seems to be more financially and mentally suitable to what you need at the moment. And im sure if you make commitment to each other, within the next year you could maybe take a step and move on? You know these guys better than I do girl, so good luck! Just throwin my 2 cents out there, you know But just pick who you think is good for you and ur son for all the right reasons
Arabella Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 I would go with guy #2 for the same reasons the above poster mentioned.
Author Ignorant Bliss Posted April 12, 2010 Author Posted April 12, 2010 Thanks for the advice! It was a good point about guy number one maybe not being as connected to my child due to him already having several children but he says he sees my child as his already but there are times when I can see the lack of connection. Or it was in the beginning because I guess he wanted to impress me but it is less so now. I am really leaning toward guy number 2 but im still conflicted on the distance issue. It is already a huge problem with guy number one due to the truck driving. Last night we had a big discussion about it and he is afraid its the beginning of the end because the same topic has come up in every single one of his past relationships. And he feels terrible because he is always gone but for several reasons driving is what he has to do and so we try to deal with it the best way we can. I feel like ill still be screwing up my chances for happiness by ending it with the truck driver and going for the other guy due to the distance thing. Ugh!! This sucks! And at the same time I realize that sometimes we have to make sacrifices in order to find true love
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